So You Think You Can Dance Refuses To Cut Any More Children
In the penultimate episode of this wayward season, best routines of the year are reprised, and no one goes home. Great.
We're in the home stretch now. Only one more week until we see who gets crowned kiddie champion of this very youthful season of So You Think You Can Dance. A season so attuned to the YouTube/Vine/Maddie Ziegler generation that their commercial bumpers all featured the sounds of kids texting. The clacky, loud, not-turned-off-in-your-settings-like-every-actual-kid-does sounds of texting! Go home, So You Think You Can Dance, and think about what you've done.
Furthermore, after two hours of final performances -- including one routine performed with one of the eliminated all-stars and one reprise from earlier this season -- we don't even get an elimination? Honestly, end this garbage season immediately.
8. Maddie Ziegler
Only two more episodes of putting up with Maddie Ziegler's weirdly judgy check-ins during rehearsal. And then she goes and calls JT "the next Prince" after his Bollywood routine. Ugh, go away, Maddie Ziegler.
7. Jason Derulo
As Madonna once said of an interview-crashing Courtney Love, Jason Derulo was in dire need of attention this week, if his decision to climb atop the judges' table and copy Kida and Fik-shun's dance is any indication.
6. Emma (coach: Gaby)
One of the good things about this season ending next week is that I stand a chance of getting out before I started sneering and saying mean things about a perfectly nice little girl like Emma. She's my least favorite of the top four, sure, and the fact that she outlasted Tahani last week was some white nonsense, but there's nothing actually wrong with her. She pairs with all-star Jenna for one of those Message Routines, this time a Jaci Royal contemporary number about adoption. This one benefits a lot from being set to the song "How Long Will I Love You," which just makes me think of About Time, which puts me in a good (if tearful) mood.
Later, Emma and her mentor, Gaby, reprise their tap routine to that Andrews Sisters-y cover of "Walk Like An Egyptian." It sure is a tap routine.
5. J.T. (coach: Robert)
Next week's winner J.T. takes a break from his mentor Robert to dance a Bollywood number with Marko. And since I may or may not follow one or both of these men on Instagram, can I just put this out there: are Robert and Marko dating? It frequently looks like they might be dating. Serious question. Serious replies in the comments.
It's a good Bollywood number, but JT is still essentially a wind-up toy. That doesn't stop Thirsty Derulo from making a whole production of how he doesn't think JT is cute or adorable [GASP]…he thinks he's limitless [OHHH]. Later, JT and Robert reprise the mirror routine, which is definitely the right call.
4. Napoleon and Tabitha
Two things earned NappyTabs their spot on this week's rankings: 1) Napoleon's salt-and-pepper beard situation, which is working for him; and 2) the group routine they draw up for all four kids, set to "Ease On Down The Road" and featuring the kids dressed up like crash-test dummies, is a good bit of fun. It puts all of Tyce Diorio's Broadway routines to shame.
3. Cat Deeley
Cat's hair extensions are in a state of armed revolt this week, so let's give Cat a lot of credit for keeping things frosty up there.
2. Kida (coach: Fik-Shun)
Kida has the good fortune of performing a Sean Cheesman-choreographed African jazz routine with Sasha. After a week's worth of flirting with her, Kida proves to be just a little too small of frame to properly spot Sasha wherever he needs to, but he's solid.
Later, Kida and Fik-shun reprise their Max Headroom-esque Fingazz routine. It's great, but we have maybe reached the statute of limitations on Kida and Fik-shun just having fun out there with each other.
1. Tate (coach: Kathryn)
Our eventual runner-up had the extreme good fortune of dancing with human heart-eyes emoji Jonathan on a salsa routine. I mean…just look at him:
Tate isn't entirely comfortable in Latin ballroom, but she gives it her best. Later, she and Kathryn reprise her "She Used To Be Mine" mother-daughter routine that remains my favorite of the season. If there's any justice, she'll win next week. If not…well, at least this failed experiment will be over.