Mourning 'Smash'

Smash

It's one thing to know, intellectually, that ratings bed-shitter Smash probably wouldn't get renewed for a third season. It's another to be going through your various feeds, still reeling from the news that Happy Endings had been cancelled, and get gut-punched with the fulfillment of the fears you didn't want to give voice to: Smash had been killed too.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. But for a loss as great as Smash will be, five stages are definitely not sufficient. We still have a couple more episodes before Smash's finale, but it's good to be prepared: here's what we think you'll be going through come May 26, when-- wait a minute. NBC scheduled the Smash finale opposite the premiere of Behind The Candelabra AND the entire fourth season of Arrested Development?! Jesus.

Stage 1

Disbelief

Stage 2

Fury

Stage 3

Denial

Stage 4

Visiting A Bird Sanctuary For The Purpose Of Verbally Abusing A Peacock

Stage 5

Rioting

Stage 6

Hiding From Cops

Stage 7

Despair

Stage 8

Denial

Stage 9

Anger

Stage 10

Rage

Stage 11

Apoplexy

Stage 12

Passing Out From Exhaustion

Stage 13

Resentment Of Anyone Who Watches Community

Stage 14

Resentment Of Everyone Who Makes Community

Stage 15

Resentment Of Communities

Stage 16

Bargaining

Stage 17

Bargaining Over What's Left Of The Ice Cream You Have In The House

Stage 18

Urge To Kill...Rising

Stage 19

Minor Arson

Stage 20

Major Arson

Stage 21

More Rioting

Stage 22

Light To Moderate Looting

Stage 23

Spending The Night In Jail

Stage 24

Holding It (Pee-Wise)

Stage 25

Getting Bailed Out Of Jail

Stage 26

Embarrassment

Stage 27

Indignation

Stage 28

Defensiveness

Stage 29

Depression

Stage 30

Throwing A Bombshell Sing-Along Party

Stage 31

Being The Only Attendee At Your Bombshell Sing-Along Party

Stage 32

Drunkenness

Stage 33

Sloppy Rioting

Stage 34

Drunk-Dialing Party Invitees Who Didn't Come

Stage 35

Making Half-Assed Apologies

Stage 36

Letting Three To Twelve Years Pass

Stage 37

Acceptance (Grudging)

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  • http://twitter.com/smpflueger Sean Pflueger

    Bleh, Stop with the Community bashing. Smash had good parts that were weighed down by its bad parts.

  • TaraAriano

    NEVER!

  • http://twitter.com/HungryandFrozen Laura Vincent

    'verbally abusing a peacock' - ahaha. The line that ensures I will be spending my morning closely reading the rest of this site instead of getting ready for work or something.

  • Lindsey

    I believe this is also known as the "Firefly" model of grief. And hey, we're coming up on year 11 so it's almost time to let it go...

    Also, I'm pretty sure step four in the Firefly model involved attempts to bring back fox hunting as a popular sport.

  • Kristin

    What stage is, "Ill-fated Kickstarter project for a 'Smash' movie!!!"?

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