To save Katrina, Abbie and Crane lure the Horseman into a brawl with Ben Franklinstein's monster.
The Horseman of Death returned to this mortal coil! Captain Irving resigned to protect his kid! Jenny was locked up in a nuthouse for a long time! Henry was a dillhole! The Headless Horseman kidnapped Katrina!
This One Time, At Horseman Camp
Alert Type: Dream alert!
Issue: The Horseman drags Katrina out to a ring of fire in the woods and chains her up while Henry expositions that he must "complete the ceremony" to "sanctify" their "bond." This apparently involves cutting Katrina's palm and bleeding into it so that she and the Horseman are BFF (Best Fiends Forever).
Complicating Factors: "You must be like him, in every way," Henry intones with a note of satisfaction as the Horseman lunges at Katrina with a scythe, fixing to behead her.
Resolution: Crane wakes up.
Spoiler: The ring is real.
We Made A List
Your Weekly "Modern Stuff Crane Doesn't Get" Clip 'n' Save
- Martha Stewart
- "the wedding...in-duss-tree"
- secured pens at the bank
- credit without collateral
There's A New Sheriff In Town
Name: Leena Reyes Age: Late 40s. Occupation: Captain, SHPD; skeptic; enemy of tardiness. Goal: To figure out what's going on with the local beheadings and whatnot while refusing to brook any "hysteria" vis-a-vis possible demonic involvement -- and remind Abbie and Jenny of their crazy childhood; she responded to several calls at their house when the sisters were little -- while wearing chic silk tops. Sample Dialogue: "We are gonna bring some sanity back to this town."
Willow Point Of Interest
Q: Is Willow Point an actual town?
A: According to Crane, it is; it's now known as Dobbs Ferry, and it's where the Van Brunts kept a country house.
Q: What are some fun things to do there?
A: Kidnap your true love from back in the day and take her to your family's overgrown and abandoned ancestral home; lurk about in the woods hoping to catch sight of your imprisoned witch wife; fight apocalyptic creatures with missing heads; apple-picking.
Q: How long does it take to get there?
A: About an hour from midtown Manhattan -- but if your fellow witness decides to give you the Ocean's 11 "and Tess does not split eleven ways" talk about how you have to focus on defeating the Horsemen and not get too caught up in rescuing Katrina, it's going to seem a lot longer.
Now that they know where Katrina is, it's a matter of luring the Horseman out of the house so they can retrieve her, and for that to happen, they need The Kindred, a golem Benjamin Franklin stitched together from the corpses of fallen soldiers in the hopes of creating a fighting machine that could hope to defeat HH.
...Well, Crane says they "need" it; the Millses are not a hundred on raising a patchwork zombie they can't control on the word of a long-dead nudist. How come Franklin, who apparently scooped Mary Shelley AND The Walking Dead, couldn't raise the creature himself? To complete the transformation requires a body part from the Horseman of Death. And what do you know, Mills Crane Mills LLC have access to that gentleman's head.
Not Great, Hank
Henry is abject about failing in his mission. Moloch's like, I got this, but try not to fuck up anymore.
Van Brunt puts the necklace on Katrina again so she can see his head. She'd rather he dispense with the pleasantries so she can see his true nature; Van Brunt's like, oh yeah well CRANE is "a deception" and so's your mom, and pouts that not for nothing but Crane rescued Abbie from Purgat'ry, like, the same day but let Katrina rot there for centuries. It's pretty obvious sauce, but Katrina seems to find it kind of tasty.
Just Giving You A Head's-Up
Who called the meeting? Abbie.
What's it about? Abbie lets Irving know that she's working on getting him transferred to a jail where he won't get regular beatdowns for being a former cop. Also, she and Crane need to know where the Horseman's head is.
How'd it go? Pretty well. Irving tells her they can find the head in a safety-deposit box, and agrees to consider getting himself sent to Tarrytown Psychiatric as a mental patient, which makes it easier to meet with him.
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Jenny, Get Your Gu-- Oops
Alert Type: Arrest Alert.
Issue: Dispatched to pack up the anti-Horseman arsenal at the police archives, Jenny is caught red-handed by Reyes.
Complicating Factors: Jenny's an escapee from T'town Psych and flipped her car a few days ago, then left the scene; Reyes is the last person who's going to hear Jenny out on what's really up.
Resolution: Abbie and Crane go to retrieve Jenny, but Jenny talks over Abbie to take the fall. She can't do much about saving Crane's "history consultant" gig, though, as Reyes wonders what he's doing there in the larger sense and doesn't think they need him.
Very Useful Stats
Amount Irving's heart rate changes during the lie-detector test in which he asserts that a demon killed those dudes:
Time it takes a skeptical Reyes to threaten Irving with Haldol and ECT treatments because she thinks he's faking psych symptoms:
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
Bats The Way Love Goes
In the tunnels underneath town, Crane and Abbie hunt for the almost-complete Kindred Franklin stashed down there. A swarm of bats gives Abbie a PTSD flashback to Purgat'ry, and Crane makes guilty faces as Abbie admits that she almost lost it -- and the demon version of Crane showed up right when she was about to give up. "My faith in you is my greatest weakness," she says, and adds that his is not Katrina, but his "son" Henry, which is why he's taking out after the Van Brunt Horseman instead of confronting Henry directly.
Sealed With A Casket
Franklin in-jokily hid the Kindred in a tomb marked Luigi Galvani. Pressing the seal activates a dumbwaiter of sorts, which delivers a casket containing not Galvani -- his body's in Bologna (...for now; you never know with this show) -- but the Kindred.
Plot Lightning Round
Outside Van Brunt Villa, Abbie reviews the plan, then gets out the HHead, which snaps at her like an angry kitten; it senses its original body nearby.
Inside, Van Brunt ties Katrina up. She points out that killing Crane isn't part of the original prophecy; Van Brunt's like, well, prophecies are often wrong. Apparently there's a prophecy about office supplies, as Henry is jury-rigging a fountain pen.
The Horseman of War appears behind him.
Crane finishes the in-Kin-tation. Nada. Abbie:
Crane starts over as Katrina Hail-Maries that she would totes have chosen Van Brunt back then, but he pressured her and Crane didn't, so maybe if he chills out this time around he can have her as a willing partner? Van Brunt seems to accede to this.
Or he has a sinus infection. Hard to say. Crane runs through the in-Kin-tation once more, and just as HH is about to fuck their shit up, the Kindred begins to transform.
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
A Spy In The House Of Creepy Stalki-- Er, Love
With HH and the K about to face off, Crane hustles inside to rescue Katrina, but she won't leave: she got Van Brunt to wait for her to come around, which means she bought herself some time so she can be a mole for Team Crane. Also, if Crane does rescue her, Van Brunt will get so deliriously pissed off that it'll be apocalyptically worse for everyone. Also also she feels obligated to try to save their son.
I Am Not A Crackpot
Abbie rushes in tell Crane they've got to go, only to find that Katrina isn't coming with them, thus defeating the purpose of the entire adventure. She gives Katrina a "whuh?" look.
Katrina looks inscrutably knowing in response,
which leads me to believe that 1) Van Brunt's pissy manipulation designed to make Katrina jealous of Abbie may have worked, and 2) it's going to lead to a heel turn for Katrina. Totally fine with her going evil, as she's quite boring, and ineffectual witch-wise besides.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Two Against One Is Actually Perfectly Fair
The Horsemen and the Kindred fight. It's great.
Abbie also does some shooting.
Franklinstein impales HH on...something?
Crane and Abbie escape in the minivan.
Mutual of PTV's Animal Kingdom
God Help Us All When It Takes A Dump
War Horse has fiery eyes and nostrils. I shudder to think what brand features Pestilence Horse will show up with. Or maybe the HoP rides a massive cockroach instead?
Wrap It Up
Van Bruntsman comes back to the house all sulky, but he's gratified to see Katrina still there, especially given she slipped her bonds. "You could have fled." "And where would I go?" she asks, reasonably, adding, "This is not my world." She's right not to get used to it, he snips: "It will not exist much longer."
Abbie's less worried than you'd think about the fact that, when the two of them split from the battlefield, so did the Kindred, and they don't know where he is now. But she's taking the victory: their plan worked, and now they have an inside line to Moloch's planning. Crane is sad/has rescue blue-balls. "She'll be okay, Crane," Abbie tells him.
Abbie visits Jenny in jail, where she'll have to stay until Reyes stops looking over Abbie's shoulder. Jenny's not thrilled and tells Abbie not to wait 13 years to spring her this time.
Irving is in pre-shock-treatment restraints when Reyes drops by; she can stop all this if he'll just tell the truth.
Irving basically says she can't handle the truth. Fortunately, Irving's new lawyer shows up just then with an injunction preventing any involuntary treatments.
Unfortunately, it's Henry. He has Irving sign a contract for his legal services, using the pen from before, which of course doinks Irving in the finger and draws blood, mixing with the ink and probably handing Irving's soul over to Henry in the process.