Now That Gaga's Coming, Which Superstar Judges Should Be On RuPaul's Drag Race Next?
The show has clout, so why not use it to attract some flawless guests?
I know the Super Bowl pushed her song "Million Reasons" into the top 10 and all, but on some level don't you think Lady Gaga considers her upcoming appearance on the season opener of RuPaul's Drag Race to be her most important TV gig of the year? Because really, the queens are her base.
Gaga's cameo isn't only good for Gaga, though. In landing a pop star of her caliber, the show has stepped its pussy right on up, and it makes sense that this is the season of stepping. After all, 2016 was the year of Ru's Emmy, Bob the Drag Queen's and Alaska's glorious victories, and articles like this that told the rest of the world what fans have always known.
The show has truly arrived, is what I'm saying, and I'm guessing that Gaga's just the beginning. For the next two seasons, count on the guest stars getting fancier, like when Project Runway started booking Sarah Jessica Parker instead of Nancy O'Dell.
And while I realize that this season has already been filmed, I'm going to ignore that fact and suggest the ideal guest judges anyway. If they show up in the next few weeks, then consider me psychic. If they turn up for Season 10, then send me a finder's fee.
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
Now that they're award-winning fashion designers, the Olsen twins have decided they're not going to appear on Fuller House, and I get that. But everyone can benefit from being on TV somewhere, and their fashion empire would be boosted like whoa if they played Snatch Game. Think of all the fun Ru could have by trying to tell them apart! Think of the backstage meltdowns the queens could gin up as they tearfully recall their love of the Tanner family, which seemed perfect in a way their own families never were!
The Cast Of Hamilton
Hello makeover challenge! The current male stars of Broadway's Hamilton will show up to be transformed into "American Heritage Queens." Once the contestants have gotten themselves and their assigned actors into Betsy Ross eleganza, everyone will perform a lip sync to a Drag Race parody of "The Schuyler Sisters." (The new lyrics can include bon mots like "I'm lookin' for a guy to twerk, twerk. I'm lookin' for a guy to twerk.") But that's not all! The winning queen will get two tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway, which will mean this episode's award is worth roughly as much as the $100,000 grand prize.
The acting challenge finds the contestants starring in episodes of How To Give 'Em Shade That Murders, about a no-nonsense attorney who literally kills bitches in the courtroom with her reads. The acting coach, of course, will be Ms. Davis, and she'll stick around to judge. She and RuPaul can have fun putting wigs on their Emmys.
Venus & Serena Williams
There was a fitness video challenge back in Season 3, but there's never been a synchronized swimming challenge! The contestants will pair up in teams of two to create fierce synchro routines that showcase their personalities as well as their athleticism. Then they'll stomp the runway serving "sister act" realness, with looks that complement each other without "drowning" each other out. The Williams sisters, who know a thing or two about sharing the spotlight, will be on hand to judge and (god willing) teach us all something about staying fabulous forever.
Importantly, the girls will be required to rock Madonna-themed looks on the runway, since last year's girls missed an opportunity by mostly aping "Nothing Really Matters." There are still at least thirty iconic Madge styles to choose from, and you know that Madonna herself will give amazing feedback. Meanwhile, the mini-challenge is obviously a Vogue-off, and the maxi-challenge involves the queens starring in a scripted mockumentary that pays homage to Truth Or Dare. (Note: If this episode actually happens, then please send an ambulance to my home, because I will be passed out on the floor, covered in cone bras.)
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Wouldn't it be goddamned brilliant if HRC popped in to offer advice for a politically themed episode? For the maxi challenge, the girls not only design a killer pantsuit, but also host a political rally that's attended by the Pit Crew. Hills coaches them on everything from earring selection to proper sloganeering. And hell, maybe one of the queens will find something really powerful to say about how queerness is a necessary antidote to the hateful slug monster currently sitting in Hillary's rightful seat.