Screens: BBC

A Rose By Any Other Name Should Also Get With Drake

They love each other. He's single again. Quit teasing us and marry them off already, Ripper Street.

I confess that I don't rightly remember why everyone on Ripper Street is in a fight with each other. Partly it's that the last episode aired a year and a half ago here in the States, and since I can barely remember what I ate for lunch today, you'll forgive me for letting even the climactic plot points of Series 2 slip my mind.

Partly it's that Ripper Street does not, alas, lend itself to staying in the memory. I inevitably get lost around minute 25; I don't know why. I would blame the slushy accents, or the fact that the Foley team apparently refused to turn down the authentic hoofbeat track so the actors could better make themselves understood, but even when the Yank Jackson is talking in his easily decipherable Wild-West-y twang (a fine choice, but it makes me laugh; the actor's from Tenafly, NJ), I frequently don't know what the hizz is going on thanks to pointedly florid locutions that have me going, "'Forsooth' in the what now?" and my husband grunting from behind a book about hoops, "I think he said the desk sergeant fucked up."

It had devolved into something of a hate-watch for me and Dirk both by the time it got cancelled in 2013, then inexplicably un-cancelled (at what seemed like Bletchley Circle's expense, not for nothing), a half-hearted one we mostly listened to while doing other things, so it's no doubt obvious why Reid and Jackson spent half the S3 premiere acting like middle-school girls with the "can you tell him I don't do police work anymore" and the "can YOU tell HIM we need a doctor even if he's a sot." I for one don't remember why they're in a mutual snit. I think Jackson and Mrs. Madam Jackson broke up because she "let" her grotsky landlord Do It with her to make the rent on the brothel, but I don't know why Jackson's all bent about it; he's the one who lost all her money. Okay, fine, Long Susan ended up killing Grotsky (right?), but didn't they have the whole outlaw/honorable-thieves thing in common? It's not like he didn't know she was a madam? And I really don't get why he's the mayor of Peevetown to Reid about it. Something something moral rectitude bent by East London circumstance blah?

And I don't quite remember why Drake peaced out to Manchester to walk a beat for the four years that have elapsed since the last ep, although I think it had something to do with the splendidly monikered, literally-mustache-twirlingly villainous Jedediah Shine, and Drake maybe punching him almost to death? ...Who cares, as long as he's back, because I love Drake and his thousand and one Arabian places where he broke his nose, but I definitely don't get why he and Rose haven't gotten together. Ripper Street: just mash Rose and Drake's fun bits together in holy matrimony and give them a cute flat. You should have done it years ago but better late than never. They love each other. Go.

I never got why the show had Drake marry Bella, yet another example of a Ripper Street plot point or relationship that skipped off the surface of my brain like a flat rock when it should have sunk in. In fact, I think I may have spent part of the second series thinking they actually recast Rose, not realizing he married Bella in the first place, because why would he, because he loves Rose.

Now Bella's dead, the victim of some cult something or other if I'm not mistaken (see above: very very possible that I'm mistaken). Rose is a big fancy actress now, well regarded; sure, it's still Victorian England, meaning the actresses who weren't actual prostitutes also were still viewed as little better in the eyes of churchgoing civilians, but it's not like Drake's going to give a shit about that. Bella was a working girl too. And Drake went to see Rose's show, so he obviously still loves her, and he only didn't go say hi because she looked happy with another guy, "and that made me happy too." Aw! True, that's a complication, Rose's engagement, but while Rose's new trick has flawless taste in rings, let him use it on Long Susan so she can fund her clinic with non-blood money, and Rose can get together with Drake, who has a nice, non-proto-Fight Club job as an inspector now. Okay, said job is, uh, Reid's job, but we'll ship Reid some other time.

The show got a reprieve; since it's playing with house money now, why not gamble on a happily married Drake kicking just as much ass as a copper as gruffly dissatisfied Drake used to?

Rose and Drake: make it happen.

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