Screen: Showtime

Brian Saves Ted From His Masturbation Den Of Shame So Ted Decides To Become A Porn Mogul

And other more accurate (gayer) episode loglines for Queer As Folk's second season.

  • Brian Glues A Homophobic Judge To A Toilet Seat But Otherwise Acts Like A Total Boner
  • "Two Thumbs Down To Citizen Kane," Says Random Trick #794
  • Queer As Folk Heard What You Were Saying About It Between Seasons, And It Would Like You To Shut Up Now. That Means You, Sylvia Plath-Reading Interracial Couple We Made Up
  • It's Pride So The Lesbians Ride Motorcycles, Michael Learns A Valuable Lesson, And Brian Tricks Everyone Into Thinking He's A Good Ad Exec By Yelling, "Make It Gay!"
  • Brian Saves Ted From His Masturbation Den Of Shame So Ted Decides To Become A Porn Mogul
  • "See That Guy?" One Leather Daddy Asks Another. "That's Brian Kinney. He Used To Be The Hottest Stud On Liberty Avenue. Now, He's In A Relationship."
  • Ted Is The Phil Spector Of The Porn Industry And Emmett Is His Darlene Love
  • Justin Might Be Too Young For Brian But Emmett Is Just Perfect For George Schickel, Elderly Social Exile And Owner Of Schickel's Pickles -- The Pickle People Prefer
  • Brian's Mother Can't Reconcile Her Faith With Her Son's Homosexuality, Michael's Mother Can't Accept Her Son's HIV-Positive Boyfriend, And Ted Gets A 22-Hour Boner
  • It's A Very Special Episode Of Queer As Folk So A Boy Is Left For Dead In A Dumpster And A Comic Book Superhero Dies Of AIDS
  • Mysterious Marilyn The Psychic Drag Queen Is Back To Ruin A Lesbian Wedding And Remind Everyone That Mars Is In Retrograde
  • Debbie Solves A Murder By Passing Out Flyers In A Bathhouse
  • Justin Becomes A Go-Go Boy And Michael's Father Is A Drag Queen, Obviously
  • George Schickel Of Schickel's Pickles -- The Pickle People Prefer -- Dies While Fucking Emmett In An Airplane Bathroom; Justin Almost Gets Raped By His Boss, So He's All, "I Quit"
  • Brian Watches Melanie And Lindsay Try To Renovate Their Attic And Takes A Full Minute Before Making His First Lesbian Power Tool Joke; Brian Gets Jealous That His Friends Are Being Friends So He (Literally) Pisses On Their Artwork; Brian Invites The Winner And Runner-Up Of Babylon's "Pecs Of Death" Competition Over For A Threesome And Then Throws A Hissyfit And Throws Them Out; Brian Is An Asshole
  • Introducing Justin's New Love Interest, Ethan The Turtleneck-Wearing Violinist Whose Soul Patch Is On Purpose
  • "I've Been Trying To Land That Account For Years. How'd You Manage It?" "I Took Pictures Of Butts."
  • Brian Is Biased Against Steakhouses For Some Reason; Debbie Pulls Her Head Out Of Her Ass And Makes Soup For Her Son's HIV-Positive Boyfriend; Emmett's Dumb Convictions Get In The Way Of Him Collecting The Fortune Left To Him By George Schickel Of Schickel's Pickles -- The Pickle People Prefer
  • Ted The Porn Mogul Becomes Immune To Porn So He Decides He's In Love With Emmett; Everybody Else Goes Bowling
  • Justin Wants To Be Ethan But He Loves Brian And Brian Loves Him But Won't Say It So He Chooses Ethan And Ben Wants To Go To Tibet But Michael Doesn't Want Him To But Then He Does But Then Ben Changes His Mind Because Debbie Gave Him Lemon Bars And Ted Loves Emmett But Emmett Doesn't Love Him But Then He Does And You Guys I'm So Tired Can't We All Just Go Home And Watch Oz?

Discussion

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