Phillippe Bosse / ABC

Quantico's Coming Up Shelby

How can one future FBI agent be so, so dumb?

Oh, Quantico. You just can't zig without immediately zagging, can you? Just as last week saw a switch back to the original, social-commentary side of the narrative, this week swings dramatically in the opposite direction, seemingly pinning everything on the poor little rich blonde agent without a brain. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but at the same time, it also triggers a jump in the narrative -- for the first time, we see a new NAT in present-day scenes -- that should, eventually, maybe have a payoff. It's a long shot, but maybe Chuck Bass is innocent after all.

Could the VSX logo on Alex's bra be any larger?

Yayyy, overt product placement! But actually, this all makes sense. Those unisex henleys got quite a bit of attention when the debuted in the fall, and it naturally follows that the lady NATs would need practical, and somewhat affordable, sports bras for sparring. Victoria's Secret makes a few different styles, in a wide array of colors (and unfortunate, loud patterns), so there's something for every Alex, Shelby, Nimah, and Raina (she probably goes for the high-neck option).

If we know Miranda is currently Hannah's boss, but Ryan still refers to Liam as the acting Quantico director, does that mean Miranda was given a promotion after her suspension and subsequent aiding of Alex's escape in the pilot?

This is either an oversight or a clue to something big happening again in between the flashbacks and present, probably about stupid Charlie and his stupid terror cell. Maybe he's alive and helps her stop another attack? Or maybe he's dead and the Bureau sort of feels bad? Neither really seems to justify keeping her employed after all the stunts she's pulled, but then again, nothing justifies Liam at all, so it really just seems to be a free-for-all based on whatever the PR department deems okay.

What went down between Ryan and Nimah that causes him to trust her?

Not that Nimah's not trustworthy -- she's totally the best of all the NATs -- but these two have never been particularly chummy, save for the road trip they took to Simon's cabin. Maybe he feels she's the only person who's involved enough to know what's up, but also distant enough to not automatically be Team Alex? If so, that's foolish. They're two brown girls with fan-freaking-tabulous hair, so there's no way he could ever break the bond that exists between them.

Why don't any of the NATs just contact the American consulate in Toronto?

This sort of seems obvious, no? The whole purpose of a consulate is to help citizens in foreign places…and they even have an emergency number. "Oh, hello. I'm a stranded FBI agent and I need to get back over the border immediately as a matter of classified national security. Why yes, I will have some maple syrup while I hold for you to prepare the emergency paperwork. Thank you!"

If we have to watch Alex and Drew have sex, can it at least not be clichéd sex?

Of course there's an abandoned cabin in the Canadian woods, and of course Drew's clothes are soaking wet from frolicking in the snow. Of course, show. Because having Alex's hair stay perfectly styled throughout the whole thing just wasn't enough.

Why doesn't Shelby care that her parents are war criminals?

This seems like a big thing to look past, even for Shelby, who apparently gets over the fact that her parents abandoned her, and then stole from her, for the past 15 years within the span of maybe five minutes. These people sold military technology to the Taliban and/or Bin Laden! And then they let their company continue to make the very same technology for the following decade and a half! Any FBI agent should really be able to tell you that that's not cool. But altering 9/11 flight manifests and living life on the run in the Middle East rather than own up and potentially save more lives by offering up your info? That's even more unforgivable than those weirdly shaped silver earrings Shelby's mom pairs with her off-brand Chanel jacket. These people should be rotting in jail, Shelby, not hopefully meeting up with you and Caleb next weekend in St. Kitts. Get a clue or get out of the FBI.

Why did Will hack into the NSA in the first place?

Was it part of an FBI operation, or just for fun? And why is he so confident that he can hold up against probable torture?

Is Marcia Cross working for or against Lily van der Woodsen?

Assuming Caleb actually gives the $5 million to Shelby's parents and forces them to disappear, does he really leave them alone? He's already proven to be smarter than his own parents, Mr. and Mrs. FBI, give him credit for, so what if he kept monitoring them? And what if he found a connection between them and the OG Grand Central bombing? Could that explain his current whereabouts? And if Marcia Cross was being honest when she told Alex that she was the only person who knew Caleb's location, does that mean she's in on it too? But to what end? Does she want to help Caleb take them down for obvious reasons? Or could she actually be working with the van der Woodsens (that's what I'm calling them; it's a better last name than "Wyatt")? What if she really is heartless and leveraged intel on Shelby's family to actually mastermind the destruction to boost her election chances?

So who is the real terrorist/voice?

Don't even try to insult me by saying it's Shelby, show. I'm not buying it.

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