Giovanni Rufino / ABC

Did Anyone On Quantico's Production Team Bother To Figure Out The New York City Logistics Of Its Season 2 Premiere?

And more not-quite-burning questions sparked by the episode's shiny hair, sexual tension, actual bombs, and more!

Against all odds, and despite all the damage it's inflicted upon itself, Quantico is back for Season 2. And while we were promised that Alex would be working for the CIA this year, it turns out she's still with the Bureau, still into Booth, and still caught up with some questionable terrorism. But let's ask the important question: are any of the new cast members attractive? Yes. Yes, they are.

What the heck is going on?

Let's try to make sense of this whole setup. Not only is Alex still working for the FBI, she's working undercover, for Miranda, who's working with Keys (thus Alex's supposed "firing" and shady CIA-hiring at the end of last season). That part a least makes sense -- after all, the show is still called Quantico and not The Farm -- but tying Booth up in exactly the same undercover mission seems over the top. If Shelby and Raina are still relevant in adjacent professions, why can't Booth just actually be a special advisor to the president? This whole "they were in a great place -- nearly engaged! -- until the FBI sent them undercover in the CIA and Alex apparently killed one of the newbies" thing is reductive of the actual danger we're supposed to feel, making it really hard to care about anything else, save wardrobe (RIP, unisex Henleys). Also, the time jumps are weird. If we're seeing present day play out, and the impractical bombing takes place one year from now, shouldn't we assume that means that (a) Alex and Booth fail (b) an action/inaction of Alex's is at fault and (c) Alex should for reals be fired this time?

We're supposed to believe Blair Underwood is evil, but that creepy Keys is okay?

Nice try, show, but we've been down this road before. Just like we were able to call VP Marcia Cross's evil plotting from her eyebrows, we know something is up when you try to tell us that someone as ruggedly handsome as Blair Underwood is a terrorist. Especially when you directly compare him to Keys, who is being played by Henry Czerny, who played Norfolk on The Tudors. Never forget: Norfolk was the real-life dude who plotted to have Henry VIII overthrown the Catholic Church in order to marry his niece, Anne Boleyn. So basically what I'm saying is that I trust Blair Underwood infinitely more than I trust anyone remotely related to the sad fact that a good Catholic girl like myself can't marry Prince Harry without forcing him out of the line of succession.

Is this new English guy a bribe to keep us happy without Caleb?

Eh. He's no Agent Abtastic, and he has big ears, but he'll do.

Giovanni Rufino / ABC

Giovanni Rufino / ABC

Alex's hair seems more practical, but what about her shoe choices?

Still bad. While her sleek new blunt-angle blowout is actually attainable, running around in strappy heels -- even strappy chunky heels -- doesn't seem ideal for foiling a massive terrorist kidnapping.

Giovanni Rufino / ABC

Giovanni Rufino / ABC

That's not so much a wardrobe problem, or even a comment on the double standard that exists in the workplace, but really a practical matter that should be brought before whomever's in charge of the government's dress code. If you're going to be expected to get into hand-to-hand combat with a Swahili-speaking goon in a mask, you should be able to wear comfortable footwear.

Why are all the intense Alex and Booth flashbacks taking place in this grungy room?

Is this a safehouse? It looks like the Thai prison from Brokedown Palace. Judging from the way it's peeling off of the walls, not even the grungy wallpaper wants to be there. And why is the mattress on the floor? Alex literally had better accommodations while she was on the run as Public Enemy #1. Plus wouldn't the CIA notice them returning to the same safe house over and over again? Seems like an unnecessary plot hole.

Did anyone on the production team bother to figure out these logistics?

Because there's no way that a G20 summit would ever get cleared to take place in Federal Hall. Place is tiiiiiiiny. The front steps barely can handle the groups of matching-shirted tourists that descend daily. Plus: all of the streets in FiDi (read: the Financial District) are tight and curvy, making them less than ideal for the security needed to protect a gathering of major world leaders. That's why the United Nations was built waaaayyy on the east side, theoretically out of the way of any issues (though those stupid meetings still cause stupid traffic).

Did they just...they did?!

Well, it was nice to know you, Mrs. First Lady. You're beheading will probably haunt me all season, but at least you'll live on in my thoughts.

But could a Chuck Bass cameo still happen?

Technically, yes!

Readers disliked this episode
What did you think?