Screens: Lifetime

'Swapnil Juice Sounds Awesome'

In other 'news,' smoking is bad, and so is Swapnil's runway look, notwithstanding his heroic efforts to make both look cool.

It's kinda soon for another unconventional-materials challenge, only seven episodes in, but the designers -- with a couple of notable exceptions -- really rise to it this time around. Swapnil has designer's block, and as much as I love the guy and his elastic facial expressions,

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he's lucky not to get sent home on the not-even-a-first-draft mess he sends out. Jake, whose hound is dying, removes himself from the competition, a move I totally support (and not really because he should likely have gone home before now anyway, buuuuuuut: it's true). Kelly's win I also support, though I don't like her dress the best and think it may only have won in an attempt to jam our Ashley-winner-arc radar.

In a dumpster-diving episode that tasked the designers with turning dated tech into wearable chic, who's plugged in and who's getting the (re-)boot? To the list...

Ashley

Very nice work; slightly more creative than Kelly's, IMO. The cut is everywhere, but still looks fluid given that it's made of Polaroids, and I'm so in the tank for a pocket that I get my mail there -- plus it's a cute nod to '90s comic-book prints that isn't dated.

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Posen fully dog-whistles a "you actually won" at her by ordering her to stop questioning herself: "That's a designer."

Kelly

Solid work from "Kelly from the deli"; it's nice that she gets a win. It's styled with perfect simplicity, too, and looks nighttime but not costume.

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It's maybe a little too much the result of busywork vs. innovation, but it's not rage-making or anything. Smart play to work with the metal material when Heidi's on the panel, certainly.

Edmond

Anyone else need that neckline story to take a hiatus for a while? That said, the pattern of the keys is unexpected and flattering. Not sure about the width of the shoulder cage, though.

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Solid B-plus.

The judging

I have to tell you, it makes my job way easier when Nina is engaging with her job instead of spraining an intercostal with limp snaps. And her "...girl." game is the tightest lately. Guest judge Paula Patton doesn't add a ton, but finds something good to say about almost everything, and is thrilled to have been invited along with her 15,481 teeth.

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Beachy waves + satin blazer + Bollywood bib necklace = flawless.

Jake

RIP the pup, but here's to Jake for taking his responsibility to his dog fam seriously, and I'm sorry for his troubles.

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...I just teared up again. Go hug your pets, y'all. I'll wait.

Posen faces

A relatively quiet week for our favorite reaction-shot generator, but Ms. Garcia is stepping up bigtime in that department in Season 14.

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Lindsey

It's not as bad as the judges made it out, or as this Nina face

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might suggest, but it's expected down the line -- the shape, the use of the keys, everything. It fits nicely and isn't falling apart, but once Posen mentions bathroom tile and shower curtains, it's all anyone can see, and the silver bits are random afterthoughts. Gotta clock her for the "that was just rude!" sniveling in the lounge afterwards, though. I get that she's stressed out, the unconventional materials don't inspire her, and she's feeling like the judges don't get her, but it...did look like a shower curtain, hon.

Merline

Unfinished, and not in a way that comments on anything; she promised big risks thanks to her immunity, which is great, but then styles this anticlimax like Battlefield Earth: The Opera, which is not.

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I wish she'd gone full Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue Of Duct Tape).

Laurie

I keep thinking Laurie's going to break out in a major way, and it keeps not quite happening. This is a bit simplistic of a take on the materials, plus I HATE lapel-bodice steez.

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Maybe if she'd pushed the "Judy (Jetson) From The Block" styling further?

Candice

She's lucky others sucked worse.

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And that shot doesn't show the butt fins. The design on the front draws the eye straight to "the garden," the model can barely walk, and I guess it says something that I could scribble something down immediately to describe the look, but that something -- "Van Gogh meets Anthony Ryan" -- is not so great. It reads costume to me overall; decent idea, blugh execution.

Swapnil

The "safe safe safe; win win win" strategy he outlines is not the dumbest -- unless he keeps going with it now that the judges have blown up his coaster. The look seemed more thoughtful and intentional in the workroom, but on the runway

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the wires on the bottom and the way everything's attached look super-slapdash. There was an idea here that he gave up on. Heidi and Posen are legit pissed at him for the half-assery, too, and I will bet you American money that they would have sent him home if they didn't know Tim Gunn would TGS him right back in.

Joseph

That this was doomed from the get is not a big surprise. You could argue that it's not as bad as Swapnil's, but that he's unfamiliar with "sexy" or more revealing shapes is evident from the muslinning stage; the bustline is like two hotel-banquet-room chairs fighting. The back is much better, but dull and simplistic.

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He didn't go home for sending out the worst look, but because this is likely the best he can do.

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