Screens: Lifetime

'I Always Say, More Boobs, Less Bra'

The designers create lingerie for Heidi's intimates line. Sarah D. Bunting gives the results a D(-cup).

Heidi assigns the challenge this week: design a look for her intimates line. The winning design will go into her collection (but only for sale on her website, which doesn't sound like a great leg-up). The sewtestants also have to make a sexy cover-up, and something something sleepover I fast-forwarded it. The designers also get bra foundations to use, so I don't know if I see the point, overall. If everybody isn't likely to crash and burn trying to build the garments, it comes down to differences in taste...and I really don't share whatever group taste gave Merline the win here.

My own intimates drawer is black/dark-color boy shorts, and the kind of highly structured, unlined demis that don't make DDs on a long torso look like a pair of angry grapefruit got trapped in a harness. T-shirt bras, thongs, and hot pink aren't things I even look at in the catalog. So, my own taste informs the rankings this week, as always...but even grading on that curve, Merline's looks to me like a pass-through on the strength of a good idea at best.

Who lifts and who separates in this week's episode? To the list.

Lindsey

Not a hundred on the peach-strap narrative here.

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But I really like that blue, and the boy short is totally something I would wear. Plus technically it's kind of in Mets colors? And she came up with all that after stabbing herself in the hand with her shears and losing three hours to stitches/a tetanus shot.

Ashley

I don't tend to feature that sort of cage/illusion cup, but the long-line aspect is nice, and I like the colors.

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One of the few designers who grasps what a foundation garment is supposed to do from a scaffolding standpoint.

Joseph

Yeah, the panties slumped a bit, but I love a grey brassiere

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and it would scale really well for larger sizes without starting to look vest-ish. Underpraised.

Posen faces

His revulsion at Blake's look gets an assist from Nina this week.

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Kelly

J'adore the bra. It's got a Betsey vibe and looks supportive but comfortable. I like the leopard hoodie cover-up as well, to my surprise.

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The bottom is problematic specifically for her model; it's not a great match with the girl's athletic build through the hips, and it looks a little too squared-off. But I liked the look a lot and it's surprising to me that the judges just passed it through.

Swapnil

The man's pronunciation of the phrase "camel toe" is an international treasure. They should put it on one of those Voyager-spacecraft gold records and send it to Alpha Centauri as proof that humans aren't always the worst.

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I thought he'd get the win based on the tongue bath he got during judging; I'm less pro, though I really like the idea and think it would be very comfortable if made correctly.

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This version is rumply and homesewn. Hat tip for the bridal-lingerie BS he comes up with on the runway, though.

The judging

Speaking of more boobs, less bra...your guest judge, Bella Thorne! The glimmer of double-sided tape I think I may have seen holding her dress bodice onto her chest only makes me like her more, for some reason. Like, she committed.

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I love looking at Thorne. She's like a sunset. She's also on point with her crit, understanding where people have fat-pinching issues and what bottoms look good on what butts, knowledgeable and a little snarky. And Nina ad-libs a Game Of Thrones funny, and it's...pretty hilare! Man, she's really improved. I'd like to list the judges higher, but giving Merline the win is going to cost them a couple of spots.

Candice

The fit of the bra is boxy, and something about that chartreuse satin tipping isn't working for me, I don't know why. Maybe in a matte fabric? Or even brighter a shade of yellow?

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But Candice did something different, at least, with the garter belt.

Edmond

Could just as easily have ended up on the bottom.

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That nude band is baffling and gives his model a dong.

Jake

Very standard, though perhaps not as dull as the judges insist. That said, there's an ongoing pattern of not quite getting it with Jake. Posen wanted him and Blake both booted; I could have lived with that.

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His model asked him for more coverage on the bottom, and he doesn't succeed there.

Tim's sleepover hair

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Dear Lord, no.

Laurie

She's lucky others had shittier cuts; that panty looks paaaaainful.

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The back view is even wedgier, and the knot in the center front that the judges praise looks lumpy and tucked to me. Chic color combo, but she's better than this.

Merline

...Hey, model: you into this foolishness?

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Me neith, girl. It's not a bad concept, but she shouldn't have gone off the rez with the construction; the lines she wants don't play like she wants them too, and the overall vibe is homemade. Nobody clocks that dowdy paper-baggy panty, either. Really a disappointing decision, because I like Merline and I didn't need this to get shat on or anything? But even the model isn't quite flat enough to sell it. And how is Laurie clocked for a center front seam on her bottoms, but Merline's LITERAL "V" on the panty is praised for mirroring the top? IT'S A "V."

Blake

His estrangement from the disportment of lady parts is played for laughs, but the judges smack that down with a quickness. It's everything we make fun of about the beachwear on the Beverly Hills, 90210 podcast

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and though the judges claim to like the color -- and only the color -- it reads dated to me. Still, no color on earth could have rescued it from the droop.

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He's out; I'm fine with it, though he was kind of growing on me with lines like "I don't know whatch'all do in Chicago."

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