Lifetime

'Here Is My Butt Ending'

Band name, called it! ...The final four head to Hollywood for red-carpet inspiration, and one designer comes up short.

"Roll Out The Red Carpet" played like a rough cut, I thought. The stilted infomercialing, the unmatched re-record of Keltie Knight's challenge brief, and the vague hesitancy of the challenge itself ("...I dunno, guys. Send 'em to L.A. for a couple days?"), among other things, added up to a dullish episode that again ran about a third again as long as it needed to.

As for the end result, well...that dress is, like, the Krystle Carrington version of a slutty-mouse Halloween costume, although honestly if Edmond had thought to lean in and pitch it that way, he might have got through on chutzpah? But with respect to how much it clearly pained Heidi in particular to have to send Edmond home, "we have to be fair" about the "and the next day you're out" "criterion" is really quite disingenuous at this point. If you want to send Ashley home, send her home. She's not going to win; why not, right?

Who got the penthouse key and who got (Motel) deep-sixed? From best to the rest:

Keltie Knight's turnout

A-plussy-plus-plus. Could never wear any of it thanks to the colorway/skirt length, but OMG the little flowers, and then it's paired with a hardcore pair of gold sandals to edge it up. Her hair looks perf as well.

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Cutest.

Kelly

Almost flawless on the fit (there's a hint of camel toe, IMO), and the pattern is interesting...

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...but maybe not elevated enough for the red carpet? Too sportswear? It needs something to boost it, some big old harness necklace from Bulgari or something to really give it that sexy J.Lo shot of garish costliness. I respect the risk and the model has an ass for weeks, plus Kelly really killed herself making the textile, buuuuuut I don't know, you guys. I feel like maybe the judges have decided that they Get Her Now and the narrative is that she's learned and grown and gotten into a zone, and she's the Daniel Murphy of Project Runway S14, and it's not a "the emperor has NO jumpsuit" situation; I like her work even if it's not for me. But given what else there is to choose from...

The judging

I always enjoy Christian Siriano's comments. I hope he doesn't hate me for stealing his kicks; want.

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But...you know, see above. Now they don't contrive a construction-based reason to keep a favorite? And Heidi gets legit emotional at the end, with a plaintive "aw!" when Edmond sweetly congratulates Ashley; it's the saddest reaction from her that I can remember, and it's nice that the process still gets her. But so then...why not save Edmond? Or pit him and Ashley against each other in a one-hour zhuzh-off?

Posen faces

Mostly quiet on the Posen front. He throws an eye-roll during Ashley's judging; that's about it.

Candice

Please to explain why this is praised so highly. We have seen it literally one thousand times before. The fit is not as great as they say; the styling is underwhelming. Where's the innovation? Who would ask about that dress on the red carpet, or put it on their clients?

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It isn't terrible, obviously, and I like the jet buttons on the front, but it's what they tell seat-fillers to wear.

And girl, get a bra that fits. Bifocal boob is not cute on a fashion designer.

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Tim's suit

...He's worn it before; I hated it then too. He looks marvelous in his runway look later on, but this Bonnie-and-Clod rig gots to GO.

Ashley

Fits well in front, but the Frankenseaming is glaring from certain angles, despite Aube's truly heroic efforts to sell it.

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The judges could have justified sending Ashley home on that, I would say; it evinces a lack of experience, and the confidence that proceeds from that experience, and she didn't stand behind the cool weirdness of the fabric. She's in over her head, I think.

Edmond

My notes, in their entirety: "oh honey; ZP barf face." I hate that this happened to him -- on a week when he finally took that dumb hat off on the runway, too -- but it's an across-the-board failure. The neckline's uneven in an unintentional way, the sleeves ditto, and the overall effect is 1) terribly aging on this particular model, whom you have to style carefully so she doesn't look like a 50-year-old mid-level Austrian diplomat, and 2) like something you could buy by the pallet from Oriental Trading.

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As I said, I could have done without the pointedly explicit references to the aufing standards -- they've saved worse with less basis, so just don't draw attention to it -- but while it maybe isn't the worst built look, it has the least to say.

"Welcome to the Best Western Granada Hills Extension Hollywood!"

"Let's meet by the pool, which won't be in the shot because it's not built yet!" Back way off, sponsors.

You too, chyrons.

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