Pretty Little Liars Redistributes Hanna's Sloppy Seconds

Sure, Hanna's happy for the new couple, because she's getting married! ...Right.

It finally happened: Spencer and Caleb got out of the friend zone and into the end zone. Even though Spencer has been dressing like a 1960s spinster aunt since the five-year jump happened, Caleb can't resist her and, after wiping away her fear-tears ("What if I've become hardened, Caleb, and not in the delicious Magic Shell-on-ice-cream kind of way!"), gets horizontal with her on the couch. We've all seen it coming in a car-wreck, can't-look-away-from-the-carnage kind of way.

I know Spencer and Caleb will always have Italy (which is where they really should have started this, anyway, specifically off-screen), but there's something about this pairing that just feels like Greg and Rebecca singing "Settle For Me" on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. At least there was dancing and singing on that show, though; on Pretty Little Liars, we just get long, meaningful looks that seem more awkward than lovelorn. Sorry, Speneb shippers, or Calcer shippers or...ugh, even Spencer and Caleb's potential shipping names bum me out.

While Hanna can see Spencer's deep feels for Caleb all over her face and respond with forced Zen approval ("Of course you can have my old, used-up ex-boyfriend, Spence! I'm getting married, silly!"), I don't see that kind of actual chemistry between the two lovebirds when they're together, knocking boots or not; there's more of a brother-sister vibe. Putting together two actors who haven't had to have any discernible chemistry for six seasons is asking a lot. Maybe I just needed some time to accept this. Like, two or three seasons.

I know, I know. At least it's nice that both Spencer and Caleb have a reason to linger in Rosewood that involves boinking instead of wanting to run around and wantonly destroy evidence or cook up lies or harvest eggs (not even going there right now, but seriously, Emily?). Maybe Spencer and Caleb can be one of those nice, boring, young-old couples who have no appreciable heat but like to do crosswords and drink coffee together while laughing about bed death a little too loudly. They can get lots of cats and develop weird hobbies, like collecting serial killer art or making sweaters out of dog fur.

But I'm honestly a little relieved that a new "A" has popped up (is this "B" now?) so that Spencer and Caleb will be too busy lying to the cops, breaking into buildings, and hacking computer systems to make goo-goo eyes at one another much. And not just for Hanna's sake.

Congrats, kids! Hope it works out. Just don't make me watch.

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