Ron Tom / Freeform

Have The Pretty Little Liars Really Learned Nothing After This Many Seasons?

Seriously, do not go to arranged meetings, ladies.

Are there no detectives other than Marco Furey in this backwater town?

Maybe he's the best of the best, but he also seems hellbent on sleeping with one of the major players in his latest case, so this would be the point in a semi-normal show when the captain or whoever says, "You're too close to this case! Step off!," and Marco would slam his fist on a desk or something. But no, he's not only keeping an eye on Spencer, he's bringing her a dinner of her favorite meals. Of course he is.

Speaking of Detective Furey, he isn't supposed to say he'll find someone in a day, right?

That's bad, right? I mean, that's Detective Stuff 101: don't promise what you can't deliver, lest you piss off the civilian you're addressing. Not that it matters, since Hanna and Emily behead him a bit later, but still, bad detective! Bad!

How should we feel about Mona?

Look, I want to trust Mona. She's been through a lot, too...maybe. But isn't it a little fishy that Hanna hands the care and feeding of Noel to Mona and he somehow manages to get away? Actually, he probably would have gotten away if Hanna were there, too, so it may not mean anything. But everyone seems to be Team Mona these days, which suggests she's probably totally untrustworthy because this is Upside Down Land.

So why on earth did Caleb gave Hanna a burner phone even he can't hack?

I guess the thinking here was that if Caleb can hack it then A.D. can hack it, but isn't Caleb a computer genius? Doesn't he have any faith in his abilities? C'mon, Caleb, don't be a wuss!

Ron Tom / Freeform

Ron Tom / Freeform

Also, is it okay to be sick of Caleb now?

I get it: he loved Hanna, then he loved Spencer, and now he loves Hanna again. He's totally free to change his mind. But I'm getting so very, very sick of Sad-Eyed Velvet Painting Caleb mooning around, taking off his shirt and wanting to talk about feelings. If he tries to flop back to Spencer, I swear I will cut him.

Ron Tom / Freeform

Ron Tom / Freeform

So Ali, in her time of need, wants sex with Emily, which is fine -- but WTF, Emily?

Ali is jealous and hormonal and Ali, so of course she wants to pee on have sex with Emily, but Emily needs to keep her damn pants on for a half-minute. She hasn't even officially broken up with Sabrina, she's stringing Paige along, but Ali says she needs sexual healing and Emily's on the case? Emily needs to learn that lesbian sex isn't a cough drop or an aspirin that needs to be administered to any idiot who asks for it.

Is there a way for Spencer to look more desperate than when she asks for that goodbye kiss from Toby?

Because I seriously can't imagine what that would look like. Maybe if she asked him for a goodbye striptease or grabbed his junk for a farewell handy, that would be more pathetic...but barely. Seriously, Spencer, let him move on -- but he won't have to, since I'm pretty sure Yvonne has died in the car crash and he'll get a hospital bed next to Spencer so they can recover from their injuries together. Awww!

Ron Tom / Freeform

Ron Tom / Freeform

Aria, why on earth would you want everyone to remove any shadow of plausible deniability by suggesting everyone confront Noel as a group?

Of course it made no difference, but Aria has to start thinking about the inevitable trial these girls are going to face when their bloody path of murders, spying, breaking and entering, and the hundred other messed-up things they've done finally come to light.

Is Sydney going to get a storyline again, or is this just becoming a Dickensian Spirits of Seasons Past?

Seriously, if one more high school character gets dragged into this, I'm going to decide Rosewood High has the lowest rate of post-graduate success in the country. These girls are in their twenties! Who gives a crap about high school stuff? Shouldn't they have hellish entry-level jobs like most people? Jenna has a reason to stick around and be bitter, as did Sarah (RIP), but everyone else: move on! Apply your creepy domestic terrorism skills to something useful! Also, I guess we'll never fully understand why Noel was wasting his time with Charlotte and Jenna when he could have been working on his male modeling career or landing a spot on The Bachelorette. Dumbass.

Is it wrong to think Jenna with a gun is sort of funny?

While I was surprised Hanna and Emily are able to behead Noel so quickly (and accidentally to boot!), Jenna with a gun seems like the least effective way of taking out a Liar short of giving her a bow and arrow. That she actually manages to nail Spencer proves that, just as a clock is right twice a day, sending a random bullet in the direction of some noise can actually do damage. That is, if this was Jenna.

Why was Mary Drake there?

So, she knew the Liars had a date at the School for the Blind? Or she just hangs out there because it's the spooky goth haunted house she's always dreamt of skulking around inside? While it's handy for her to get a moment with Spencer and reveal that the other baby the Liars had been looking for was right in front of them, I just want to know why she was there before the girls had shown up. But then, I'm starting to be exhausted by all the red herrings. This show is giving me McGuffinitis.

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