Photo: Augusta Quirk / IFC

Kirsten Dunst Meets Portlandia's Ghosts Of Bad Advice

But how does she compare to the season premiere's other guest stars' Portlandianess?

Kirsten Dunst

Role: A young lady spending the summer at her aunt's house while said aunt is away.

Relation To Our Lead(s): They're ghosts haunting the house and dispensing some of the bad/conflicting advice that killed them...

Screens: IFC

...so technically she's their roommate.

Best Line: After the ghosts drive her crazy enough to throw herself out the window and die: "Drinking too much fruit juice can give you diabetes."

How many birds would we put on them?

She's definitely not a local, but she readily adapts to life as a Portland ghost. Three of five birds.
Portlandia

Kumail Nanjiani

Role: Date Fact Checker.

Relation To Our Lead(s): He's representing the woman with whom Fred just finished a first date, following up on some of the things Fred said to see how accurate they are.

Best Line: After noting that Fred had told his date that he had a "messed-up childhood," which Fred defends by saying "They didn't support my music": "They bought you a drum kit. I have the receipt right here."

How many birds would we put on her?

Being so insistent about absolute truth doesn't feel very Portland, but since Nanjiani has been in every season of the show, he's practically part of the skyline. Four of five birds.
Portlandia

Tunde Adebimpe

Role: Himself.

Relation To Our Lead(s): Fred told his date that he "knew" Adebimpe, so the Date Fact Checker has produced him to corroborate this claim, or not.

Best Line: "Nice to meet you."

How many birds would we put on them?

Even though Adebimpe doesn't actually hail from Portland, he is -- much like Rachel Getting Married, in which he starred -- the most Portland thing not to have anything to do with Portland. Four of five birds.
Portlandia

Vanessa Bayer

Role: Bank Teller.

Relation To Our Lead(s): Claire and Doug have decided to join their finances, and she's assisting them.

Best Line: "As someone who works at a bank, I would tell you, I 100% advise you against you guys joining accounts? Because what will most likely happen is it will run your credit into the ground? But my job is about making you guys happy. If you guys want to open a joint chequing account, by all means! Let's do it."

How many birds would we put on them?

In Portland, the ethos of acceptance and tolerance even extends to horrendous financial decisions. Three of five birds.
Portlandia

Computer

Role: Computer.

Relation To Our Lead(s): It's been faxing specific messages to a guy in a house across the street from Sandra's, so that the guy can chalk them on a board and put it in his front window for her to read, and now she's fallen in love with it.

Best Line: "Sandra. I am unable. To love."

How many birds would we put on them?

Portland is the kind of place where even a computer might buck against its programming and try out a different kind of life for itself. Three of five birds.
Portlandia

Ellen Bloodworth

Role: Old Lady.

Relation To Our Lead(s): She's one of Sandra's neighbours.

Best Line: To Sandra's happy reaction to a board that's directed only at her (that Computer is going to try to love her back) and isn't uplifting for the rest of the neighbourhood: "Oh my God. Shut up, you crazy bitch!"

How many birds would we put on them?

Rude! Shouldn't she be happy that someone is entering into a weird romantic relationship?! No birds!
Portlandia

Ernest Adams

Role: Ernie, a hot tub salesman.

Relation To Our Lead(s): The first thing Doug did after joining his finances to Claire's was to buy a hot tub for their front lawn; Claire has called Ernie to take it back.

Best Line: "Oh, he's right, he's right. Recent studies have shown that ancient studies have been confirmed? That hot tubs can significantly increase your income."

How many birds would we put on them?

Spouting nonsense for business reasons seems like more of a Seattle thing. Two of five birds.
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