Family Reunions Are Hell On Once Upon A Time
Zelena finally meets her long-lost mom, David encounters his long-lost twin, and Rumple...well, you'll see. To make things extra-awkward, only half of those people are technically alive!
Zelena and Hades met cute in Oz, and Hades told her how his older brother stopped his heart. Belle put herself under a sleeping curse to protect her baby from Hades. Snow went home (with a layover in Oz). Hades turned Cora into a peasant for the remainder of her afterlife. Zelena accepted Hades's offer to be a couple in the Underworld.
It's A Date
Someday, All This Will Be Yours
Who's on a date? Hades and Zelena.
Where has he taken her? He drives her (in what I'm fairly certain is a red 1958 Plymouth Fury) to a scenic spot with a view, where he prepares a nighttime picnic by a fire.
Are things headed in a horizontal direction? Sure, if you mean all the people he's planning to murder.See all that?Yes, the hellish Storybrooke? The one you made for me? The gesture was appreciated.But not enough, I know. Just giving you a decayed version of what your sister had. You deserve more. You deserve the real thing. And once my heart is beating again, then I can leave this place for good. That's where I want to take you.
That Quote"What do you say, Zelena? Will you make chaos with me?"- Hades -
Who's causing a family crisis? Zelena.
How? Hades has now carved all the heroes' names on tombstones, and wants Zelena to give him True Love's Kiss to restart his heart so he can leave the Underworld with her for good, leaving everyone else there for eternity.
Which relatives have a problem with it? Regina, who feigns concern for Zelena but soon reveals that she watched the whole date on Zelena's magic hand mirror and knows exactly what's at stake.
Who's an unlikely ally? Past Regina, whose transformation gets thrown back in her face when Zelena points out that she used to be a villain, so it's not really cool of her to jump to conclusions about Hades. Zelena thinks she can help him.
Spoiler: This is the least of this pair's family issues.
That Quote"You want to redeem the god of death!"- Regina -
Did We Learn Nothing From Scott Scanlon?
Alert Type: Wand Safety Alert.
Issue: In the Enchanted Forest, a young Regina complains that Cora never has time to play with her. Cora reminds her that when Cora was a child, she was a miller's daughter, and she learned that the only person she could depend on was herself, and that was a valuable lesson. Cora leaves Regina to play alone with her doll, and Regina notices that Cora left the key in her desk drawer. She opens it and finds Cora's magic wand, which she tries to use to turn her doll into a real sister. The magic knocks her unconscious.
Complicating Factors: Cora can't heal her, because her magic is what hurt her. She needs "someone close to her who hasn't harmed her," who also has magic.
Spoiler: If only someone like that were out there somewhere.
Plot Lightning Round
Hell Is Bad CGI
Cora fills in the remainder of the gang, and says they're going to need Cora.
Gold tells a sleeping Belle he's going to fix things, and apologizes that he can't do it her way, with light magic.
Cora's new fate is to work
in a videogameat a mill eternally. She goes back to her endless grain supply and finds Killian's hook in it, which she uses to remove her anti-magic cuff, allowing her to attack her guards. Killian meets her and they run off.
In Oz, Cora spies on a teen Zelena. Zelena drops a bunch of firewood she's gathering, and in her frustration uses magic to pick it -- and more -- up and send it flying into the shed. Her adoptive father runs out of the house and yells at her about "giving in to her wickedness." He's about to beat her when Cora freezes him. Zelena: "Are you a good witch, or--" Heh. Cora asks if she'd like the chance to show her father that her magic can be used for good by helping her.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
David vs. James
In downtown Purgatorybrooke, David is getting groceries (I don't understand the Underworld at all, you guys) when James speeds up in his police car. James demands that David call him Prince James, and says the real reason he hates him is for stealing his glory and getting what James felt he deserved. James has a stun gun. David would rather talk, but asks that if they fight, they fight fair, and James points out he's already dead, and doesn't really care. David grabs a piece of wood off the ground, but as soon as he stands up his bro tazes him into unconsciousness.
Winner: James. Sorry, Prince James.
Have We Learned Nothing From The Eleventy Other Memory Spells?
Alert Type: Forgettable Alert.
Issue: Cora tells Regina that Zelena is in even more danger than she thinks: "Hades has been far too long down here to be changed by something as simple as love." Their only option is to make Zelena forget Hades ever existed. Conveniently, one of the Underworld's waterways is the River of Forgetfulness, and Cora has had some experience with this magic before, as a spring from the river ran near their estate in the Enchanted Forest.
Complicating Factors: Cora comes to Zelena and apologizes for giving her away, implying that she's only into Hades because of her ongoing abandonment issues. "I thought it would be the best for you. For me. And I was wrong. Don't you understand why I can't leave the underworld yet? I thought it was Regina, but now I know. It's both of you. You're my unfinished business."
Resolution: They hug...and Regina sneaks in and spikes a glass of water with the river water.
Spoiler: Zelena's not an idiot. She sees through the whole thing and tosses the water into the fireplace, and that's just the beginning of this fight.
Here's An Idea
Don't Make People Bring You Baby Supplies In The Woods When You're Hiding From A Demigod Who Can Probably Find You Anyway
James arrives at the loft, where Emma is making excellent use of her time by staring at a photo of David and Snow, hoping Snow is doing okay without them. "Remember this?" she asks James of the photo so generic it could have come with the frame. He gets it wrong, of course, but blames it on not thinking straight because being away from her is hard.
James and Emma meet Robin in the woods, with the baby supplies David bought earlier. James slaps an anti-magic cuff on Emma and pulls a gun, at which point Cruella drives up and staggers out of her car, asking, "Why is everything in the woods with you people?" Then, for good measure, she slaps Emma. Hard.
Cruella wants to use Zelena's baby as leverage to get Hades to release her. Robin shoots James with an arrow but it does no good. James assures him that his gun will work on them just fine, though, and will make them permanent residents of the Underworld.
Changed For Good
Situation: Upon returning with Cora to the Enchanted Forest, Zelena proves to be a natural and heals Regina with no trouble at all. Soon after, the girls are playing dress-up in Cora's office, pretending to be evil witches shooting fireballs at each other. They find the box Cora "used to" keep her wand in (good job, Cora!), and it opens to Zelena's touch. Since it's enchanted with blood magic, Regina figures that must mean they're related.
What makes it awkward? Cora asks Regina if having a sister would make her happy and, when she says yes, tells her how disappointed she is in her for not learning her earlier lesson about only depending on yourself. An illegitimate sister would ruin everything Cora's been planning for Regina's future.
How is order restored? Regina says she doesn't care about any of that, but Cora does, and she calls for guards to drag Zelena off, before pulling out a bottle of water from the River of Forgetfulness.
Sister Act 2
Who's causing a family crisis? Regina and Zelena.
How? They've stopped being polite and are about to get real with some fireballs, yelling that they'll never be on the same side and never wanted a sister forced on each other in adulthood.
Who's an unlikely ally? Cora, who uses her own magic to douse their flames and says, "If the two of you should hate anyone, it's me." She returns the memories she took from them, at which point everyone is crying. "I thought that love, any kind of love, was weakness. I was a fool." She tells Regina she's proud of her for staying in the Underworld to help her friends, from whom she got her real strength. She tells Zelena she did mean her apology, and tells her not to waste her life destroying people.
Spoiler: Looks like Cora is finishing some business.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
James vs. David
At the dock, James is about to shove Emma and Robin into the River of Souls (what, they couldn't find a creek closer to where they were in the woods?) when David shows up, having escaped the jail (offscreen) and rescues them. David says he wants to help, to bring James some peace. James is happy to accept that help: "Killing you is my unfinished business." They punch each other for a while. James pulls a knife from his boot and runs at David, who has no choice but to throw him off the dock.
Winner: David, but he's very sad about it.
Wrap It Up
Meanwhile, at the bridge, Cora is confident her business is finished. She's ready to move on, and to accept whatever that means for her. She bids Regina and Zelena a tearful farewell and walks to the end of the bridge. It looks like she's going to "the worse place," but it's a dumb fake-out: the flames subside and the bridge takes her to "the better place." So, apparently, in this theology, making peace with your daughters makes up for the hundreds and hundreds of people you've killed!
Regina tells Zelena she trusts her to go to Hades and try to change him, if that's what she wants to do.
Hades has set up a romantic evening in the diner. Zelena is about to walk in, when Rumple confronts her about the sleeping curse. Because Zelena gave Belle the curse, he's decided to take Pan's deal. Pan throws a sack over Zelena's head!