The Perfect Couple, Like Really Opposite

  • Okay, you ready to look? This way you can get over it?
  • I'm not touching it, 'cause you peed on it, so that's gross.
  • Well, we'll go see the gyno and we'll see…what's wrong with you.
  • Two lines in front of it! And the lines are very very very very line-y.
  • Everybody waits three months.
    We're not everybody.
  • There's a reason to have sex! We should have sex again.
  • I did not overreact. It's Whitney Houston!
  • Is that dramatic or what? Look at this.
  • This is one instance, Jeff, where I wasn't gonna curb it.
  • Okay, well, you know, we all get hurt.
  • Damn, Kim, you an animal.
  • I can't stand those people out there.
  • You really need to not tell any more people."
  • You think you wanna tell a pregnant woman that?
  • What, you gonna cry now?
  • Okay, I'm getting upset. I am not doing this right now. This should be the happiest time of my life! I should be thrilled right now!
  • I wanna know what you're gonna do, and how much it's gonna cost.
  • The Disneyworld of furniture!
  • Shopping has never been this much not fun.
  • It looks like a burrito. Don't be a baby.
  • I feel like once you live that life that you want to live for like a year, you're gonna be like, 'I'm effing bored.'"
  • That is like a thousand-dollar shirt, you don't wear that to garden!
  • I wanted you to finally see what I've been dealing with for the last 45 years.
  • First of all, don't scream, it is going in the living room.
  • You guys are the perfect couple, like really opposite. It's really cute.
  • Well, it's by the beach, so, um…volleyball?
  • There's the Hamburglar!
    That's our gondolier.
  • You fogged up my glasses.
  • Why would you put eggs in brownies? I never tasted egg in a brownie before.
  • I actually had to Google it on how to spell 'Valentine's Day.'
  • My husband always said, 'You had Shamu potential' -- do you know what that means?
  • I know why you're calling me. You're calling for an authorized purchase, aren't you.
  • You're not putting any lingerie on, are you?
  • I can't believe these balloons, I want to hug them!
  • I'm not trying to spill it, I know what I'm doing!
  • Oh, who's crabby now.
  • Pull it back just a hair, the energy?
  • I'm not stressed out, you're rude, and you're inconsiderate.
  • I'm excited. Thanks for getting me out the Bronx.
  • Can you rub my tummy, my mommy used to rub my tummy.
  • But happy Valentine's Day in the event that I fall asleep by the time you get up.
  • That was so romantical.
    You're stealing my words.
  • Get that away from me.
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