If Mr. Robot Needed An Office Alum, It Should Have Been Mindy Kaling -- And Here's Why
Sarah and Jeff Beckham are not crackpots. They're just a couple of romantics who think Elliot Alderson needs to meet Kelly Kapoor.
So Craig Robinson has joined up with the morose posse on Mr. Robot this season, and it's going pretty well. Even though he SOMEHOW hasn't played keyboards and sung yet.
We are convinced, though -- Craig Robinson's status as a national treasure and really good chess player notwithstanding -- that we can improve this.
We are not crackpots. We just think that the wrong Office alum is on Mr. Robot.
It should be Mindy Kaling.
And she should play Kelly Kapoor.
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT A CRAZY IDEA, and here's why.
- Kelly would be good for Elliot
That portmanteau, though: Kelliot! Kelly would date him just for that.
These two scamps could totally make it work. We know Kelly is drawn to skinny, twitchy, big-eyed boys. And when you think about it, was Ryan Howard actually any more psychologically healthy than Elliot is? Ryan probably had an '80s movie star talking to him in his head, too (...Judd Nelson?), and we just never saw it.
(DON'T start watching Ryan videos on YouTube like we did, because you're just going to get convinced that he and Elliot look exactly alike, and what is even going on with that and is it bigger than all of us?)
Sure, Elliot's social anxiety disorder, depression, paranoia, delusions, and willingness to take drugs he's salvaged from his own vomit seem worse than Ryan's narcissism and psychopathic tendencies. But Kelly singing "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S" could probably snap Elliot out of, like, 80% of his issues.
Kelly could also cheer Elliot up more with wardrobe interventions; she probably knows where to get really nice hoodies. Elliot just doesn't know the confidence infusion that some swag can bring. "See, it's nice, Sweetie," Kelly will coo. "You can tell because Jussie Smollett is modeling it on SeanJohn.com."
- Elliot would be good for Kelly
Some people say a successful relationship is based on respect and shared values, but with Kelly Kapoor, the ability to intercept Channing Tatum's text messages or insert her into Instagram images of Beyoncé and Blue Ivy probably goes a lot farther. Kelly would also enjoy getting attention by telling other people how Elliot's last girlfriend was murdered.
- The girls need Kelly, too
Is anyone crying out more for some "Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!" bonding than Angela and Darlene? And it would be completely sweet when Kelly makes Angela a tape of new affirmations ("I am essentially Beyoncé") that are so much better than the crappy ones she's been using.
- Kelly would be an asset to fscociety
Don't forget this: Kelly is hard. She went to juvie. She's lied about being pregnant and being raped. She lays down some mean ping-pong smack talk. She's won dance-offs. Do you think she would even blink at sneaking into some server farm or whatever?
Kelly's assets in a caper are pretty much endless: the ability to do a Bridget Jones accent; the iron will to eat a tapeworm; plus current, detailed knowledge of how Netflix works. Let's see Christian Slater do any of that! We're also willing to bet that Kelly's sisters Roopa, Neepa, and Tiffany have some lethal skills Kelly can enlist in any of her projects.
One more thing to think about: would it have been all that surprising on The Office if Kelly had turned out to be part of a massive global computer hack and then was all "Oh, no! I was just trying to find the Etsy shop with the Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Suri Cruise prayer candles!"...but totally knew what she was doing?
Kelly was made for this. Mindy Kaling, you know this. You were even getting sooo close to saying it yourself! Make this happen. America needs you karaoke-ing "We Belong" to a stunned Rami Malek, because yooooou belong, you belong, you belong together. We are not crackpots!