A&E

Thanks A Latke, Marriage Experts!

The Married At First Sight couples 'make memories' together by eating, drinking, and bickering (...so much bickering). Who fared the best and worst this week?

  1. Tres & Vanessa

    Tres and Vanessa are taking Vanessa's dog Nola to get trained, finally! After watching Vanessa interact with the dog, Tres concludes that she'd be a "real nurturing" mother to a human. We also find out that Tres is one of those guys who thinks if he has a boy, he'll be hard on him and if he has a girl, he'll be soft on her. Eye-roll!

    Greg Epstein visits Tres and Vanessa to talk spirituality with them. He encourages them to share experiences together. That's such specific, personal relationship advice! Thanks, Greg Epstein! Tres and Vanessa decide to go on a "sip and stroke" date (ew?), where they drink wine and paint. Vanessa is excited about the painting and Tres is excited about the wine! They're such opposites! But yet they work! They paint a canvas together! What a great team! Later, at home, Tres cooks "taco salad" for Vanessa, which is Doritos covered in shredded lettuce and cheese! This marriage truly is perfect!

  2. Neil & Samantha

    Update on the Sam-Neil sitch: they're still not living together, and Neil says there "has been no growth in the attraction department." Nevertheless, they meet up to do their "homework" at Sam's townhouse. The homework is a "simple intimacy builder," according to Dr. Cilona, in which they must sit with their knees touching and hold hands while staring into each other's eyes. Instead of taking it seriously and peering into the windows of Neil's soul, Sam insists on making goofy faces the whole time, which hurts Neil's feelings.

    Greg Epstein comes to visit and encourages Neil to learn more about Judaism so he can relate more to Sam. So, Neil and Sam decide to cook a Jewish meal together. Sam takes Neil's willingness to make latkes as a sign that he wants to stay married, but maybe he just wants some latkes, and WHO DOESN'T? As they eat their dinner, Neil decides to "open up a little bit more." He starts talking about his childhood and his distant, painful relationship with his father, while Sam ceaselessly shovels matzo ball soup and hummus into her mouth. After Neil wraps up, Sam launches into a story about her grandmother dying and starts crying. Fun dinner!

  3. David & Ashley

    David's feelings are still hurt that Ashley told Dr. Cilona she wasn't attracted to David but didn't tell David herself, or something. I think he's mostly hurt that Ashley doesn't want to bone him, but he's decided to make the issue about how Ashley didn't "trust" him enough to tell him to his face that she finds him icky. For once, I am kind of sympathetic to Ashley on this one. David: there is no good way to find out your fake-wife thinks you're gross. Having it gently broken to you by Dr. Cilona's luxurious beard is probably as good as it's going to get, so deal with it.

    Reluctantly, David and Ashley do the ol' knees-touching exercise. They're supposed to tell each other three things they like about the other person. David rattles off some stuff he likes about Ashley, including her "loyalty" and "kind heart." (Her?) Ashley, though, struggles to come up with even one thing she likes about David, who is rapidly cycling between sad and mad while Ashley flounders. He lands on mad and decides to "challenge" her, accusing her of half-assing the assignment. Ashley "apologizes" in the most wooden, robotic way possible. Picture a robot made of wood. Then picture that robot being really insincere. That's Ashley apologizing.

    David unhelpfully suggests that they go into separate rooms and write down their thoughts. Ashley writes simply that she's "exhausted" by trying to work on their marriage. David, meanwhile, writes that he has been "shutting down" since he found out Ashley does not find him attractive. This is going well, huh? The conversation quickly escalates into an argument about their expectations going into this ridiculous arrangement. David thinks Ashley should have expected things to be weird and dealt with it by making out with him, but Ashley thinks David had unrealistically rosy expectations about being married to a stranger (especially a stranger as stone cold as Ashley). "That conversation sucked," fumes David afterwards. He's not giving up, though! He wants to keep working on this marriage, FOR SOME REASON.

    Finally, Greg Epstein comes to visit! He wants David and Ashley to go and do something "active" together. That'll definitely stop them from hating and resenting each other! Ashley and David drop in on someone's kickball game. It goes okay, but it turns out David runs kinda weird, which cannot be helping his cause.

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