'It's Starting To Hit Me Right Now That Maybe My Wife Doesn't Like Me,' And Other Shocking Married At First Sight Revelations
After their rotten honeymoons, the couples must find shared housing and discuss finances. Which couple nabs the coveted title of Worst Ever this week?
- Tres & Vanessa
Tres and Vanessa continue to be the only couple who show a single iota of physical attraction or affection toward each other, so...they win, I guess? One hiccup: in their discussion of finances, it comes out that Tres "live[s] in the moment" and makes bad financial choices, while Vanessa is a saver. But Vanessa will just singlehandedly make sure they don't become destitute, so no worries!
On their first night in their new rental house, Vanessa cooks Tres a special dinner. Since they don't have furniture yet, she lays some blankets on the floor for an indoor picnic. But as she's cooking, her gross little dog comes over and pees all over one of the blankets. Vanessa's solution is to flip the blanket over and put the dinner plates right on top of it, AS IF NOTHING AT ALL HAS HAPPENED. Then, an unsuspecting Tres sits down on the pee blanket and begins to eat. He's EATING on the pee blanket, you guys! Someone say something!! After dinner, Tres scoops Vanessa up and carries her off to the bedroom. He thinks Vanessa is the best wife ever! Oh, but if only he knew what dark, pee-soaked secrets she keeps!
- Neil & Samantha
Neil and Samantha have not consummated their marriage, but they are "exchanging hugs when [they] say hi and bye," so that's exciting. They spend their first night back in Atlanta apart, but then meet up the next day to see each other's houses. Neil visits Sam at her place and stumbles upon her collection of "wax melts," whatever the hell those are. (No, seriously, what are wax melts? Is this a Southern thing? Whatever it is, I don't like it!) When Sam comes over to Neil's place, she comments on his "sad little bed," which is nice of her.
Then, they sit down to hash out finances and Sam begins to school Neil on how much money he is wasting on his mortgage and utilities. Good news: Sam's a financial and real-estate wizard! But since she's a lady, she can't be expected to pay an equal share of rent. Sam wants Neil to be "the dominant one" in their finances, and therefore she wants him to pay 60% of the rent on any place they end up getting. Sure, that's fair! They find a house and move in, and Sam is only paying 40% of the rent, as agreed, but she still wonders if Neil is "behaving this way for cameras" or whether he really IS a nice guy. ...Shut up, Sam.
- David & Ashley
Ashley likes David but "not in a romantic sense"! Or in any other sense! When they return to Atlanta after their honeymoon, she chooses to spend the night alone at her place rather than spending the night with her new husband. A forlorn David lets himself into his empty bachelor's apartment and says, glumly, "It's starting to hit me right now that maybe my wife doesn't like me." The next day, David goes to Ashley's place for the first time. As he nervously comments on the abundance of pillows on her bed, she studiously avoids eye contact with him. Then David brings Ashley to his place, which is an inoffensive, if somewhat impersonal, apartment, and -- surprise! -- she hates it. "His apartment is basically, you know, what I expected," she sneers. It's SO weird how Ashley was single all these years before this. SO WEIRD.
Ashley and David want to look for a new place to rent together, but first they have to talk about finances. Since Ashley is in nursing school and on a more restricted budget, David offers to pay for a larger share of the rent. But Ashley thinks it's gross that this guy she's only known for a week is offering to pay for her rent. Yeah, he's the worst, right?! After they find a house to rent, David's mom comes over to visit and Ashley magically transforms from her usual surly self to a smiley version, because she is the ACTUAL WORST. It remains unclear why David still wants to make this hideous marriage work, but BEST OF LUCK, you hapless schmuck!