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'I Don't Want To Marry A Schmuck. So Are You A Schmuck?'

More of the beautiful love story between Jamie Otis and Doug Something, in their own words.

  • I'm smooshed, Doug.
  • We have not consummated our marriage. We don't need to rush that part of our relationship.
  • This is our honeymoon bed, that we never even--
    --that I wouldn't let you christen.
  • We never did use the condom.
  • What's my last name?
    Hehner. H-a-h-g-n-e-r?
  • Initially, like right after I married him, I didn't actually know that I really liked him then, so I wanted him to see me almost at my worst.
  • We can move someplace else, and I'll keep this apartment, just in case.
  • How was St. Thomas?
    It was so much better than the wedding.
  • At the wedding, you know, I was like, I thought he was, like, a monster. And like-- not really, but like, he could have been anyone and I would have thought that.
  • Doug, why do you live at home with your parents?
  • To him, his choice was to live at home and save, and, well, to each his own.
  • Of course, I'm still-- Still, the whole him being in his thirties and living at home is-- You know, I don't know, it's a tough one to swallow.
  • It's non-negotiable, like I cannot be with someone who is in debt or who doesn't have his life together.
  • I don't want to marry a schmuck. So are you a schmuck?
  • It's scary to get married and just wonder what I married into.
  • I do have potential to make a lot of money, but I'm not really meeting the expectations of her perfect husband, so it makes me want to be the best person that I could ever be, for her.
  • To have the dog just go to the bathroom inside the apartment, I kind of took it as a sign.
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