Hell Hath No Fury Like Ashley's Disingenuous Scorn

The couples are STILL working on intimacy, and it's not going particularly well. Whose marriage sucked the worst this week?

  1. Tres & Vanessa

    Dr. Logan is stopping by to help Tres and Vanessa work through the argument they had. Dr. Logan's advice? They "need to communicate better"! Specific and actionable, as always! Dr. Logan also gives Tres and Vanessa "homework": they each need to plan a romantic surprise for the other. Vanessa's not feeling well, so Tres surprises her with medicine, sushi, and flowers. Nothing like raw fish when you're feeling under the weather, right? Vanessa, meanwhile, surprises Tres with a gift basket of ten things she loves about him on their one-month anniversary. Most of the gifts are super-generic (a note that says "You're the king to my queen" on a pack of cards; "You're smart" on a box of Smarties, etc.), but it's a nice gesture. But then Tres pulls out the big guns for Vanessa's birthday, surprising her with a clean house, desserts, and presents. A clean house PLUS cake? Respect.

  2. Neil & Samantha

    Neil and Sam are getting along pretty well these days! Sam tells Neil he's "starting to grow on [her]"! And Neil appreciates all of the changes Sam has made! Dr. Logan stops by for a visit, though, and is "trouble[d]" by the fact that Sam and Neil are still living in Sam's townhouse along with her roommate, rodents, and wax melts. But Sam and Neil assure her that things are going well. For one thing, their physical intimacy has really been coming along. "We hug regularly," brags Neil. "And it's not a side-arm hug. It's a hug with pressure there." WHOA!

    Later, after a bit of house-hunting, Neil and Sam finally find a new place to move into that is roommate and sugar glider-free! Sweet!

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  4. David & Ashley

    Ashley is confronting David about how he asked a woman out behind her back! He claims this woman is a "mutual friend" and he wasn't asking her out in a romantic sense, he was trying to talk to her about Ashley! Well, that checks out. Ashley is not buying it, though, and says that David has "ruined" what they had (which was nothing). She storms out and leaves David and the dog on the porch. And the next morning, she's still pissed. David has written her a note, which he slides across the kitchen island and which she does not touch or acknowledge. Ashley calls him a liar and accuses him of treating her badly. She says she wanted to be married, but she doesn't want to be with someone who can "never admit they were wrong," which seems like a gross mischaracterization of the situation, but okay!

    David is going to Buffalo to see his family, but before he goes, he decides to pop in and tell Ashley, who's still in bed, that he's taking off. She a) does not care, and b) tells him that she talked to the person he asked out for drinks and that woman said she had no idea who David even was before he added her on Facebook, thus proving that David was lying about her being a mutual friend.

    Listen, I think it's fairly obvious that David was probably trying to make a move on this other lady under the guise of seeking advice about his terrible wife, but it's also obvious that Ashley is a horrible shrew who has no real claim over him, married or not. Even if David did "cheat" on Ashley by asking this other woman out, I kind of don't care, because this isn't a real marriage. Ashley has made it abundantly clear from the second she clapped eyes on David that not only does she not want to be married to him, she finds him repulsive. She hasn't been emotionally committed to the marriage; instead, she's been counting down the hours until she can dump David and be rid of him. For her to suddenly act like David violated their sacred marriage vows is allll kinds of bullshit. It's clear to everyone, including David, sadly, that Ashley is positively thrilled that he effed up because now she has an out and can play the victim.

    Anyway, a bummed-out David arrives in his hometown and meets up with his brother. David admits he messed up but claims he had good intentions! After this, David goes to visit his dad's grave and talks aloud over it, which is awk since he's being filmed. He tells his dad he'd "do anything for Ashley and to have a family." Here's a question about the first part of that sentence: WHY?!? After weeping for a while, David determines that he needs to admit to Ashley that he was wrong. Here's hoping he can salvage their wonderful bond!

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