The Great Sex Puppet Caper
It's time for the couples to tell each other what they want in bed with the assistance of poor felt hand puppets that did not ask for this and would rather be in a kindergarten somewhere.
Hello, I'm contributor Stephanie Green.
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
I can't believe we had to wait two weeks to find out if Gretchen's guess about the Jenni story was true!!! Just kidding, we've known she's pregnant since before the season started. Her kid is probably in second grade by now.
Worst kept secret in the world, especially since Jenni was apparently telling "industry" people about her pregnancy before she told her ACTUAL FAMILY. Which leads to several questions: (a) what "industry", and (b) WHY, Jenni?
I assumed that meant she told whatever people on the show would have to know, before she agreed to do it, for timing purposes? And maybe her management so they'd know when to stop booking her stuff she'd need to fly to? WHY AM I DEFENDING JENNI?
I DON'T KNOW. Also, if production was aware of her "medical condition," i.e., pregocity, why did they pretend NOT to know when she confronted them? And why did they still make her get shocked during that obstacle course? So many questions!
Maybe it was initially on a need-to-know basis and it was only when it started to affect challenges or whatever that people actually on set had to deal with it...but then, yeah, that doesn't explain the shocks, unless stuff was shot out of sequence. I loved that the whole flap let Jim have another all-man one-on-one with Roger that allowed him to take off his jacket and get real. (I think Jim might have a crush on Roger.)
And I think Roger might be reciprocating those feelings? He said he felt "calmed" after Jim blabbed some platitudes at him, so...whatever works.
My absolute favourite thing about all of it was that Jenni knew she couldn't tell any of those other assholes anything, even if Gretchen figured it out. White Oprah nothing, she's the white Jessica Fletcher!!!
Totally. You'd have to be an idiot to trust White Oprah with any sensitive information. She'd probably relay it to Slade immediately in her Southern Clam voice.
GREAT SEGUE TO THE ALWAYS HORRIFYING SEX PUPPETS EXERCISE, which...poor Trista. It's not bad enough that everyone thinks (knows) she and Ryan are totally vanilla, but now her action's being compared to a train tunnel? I know she's had a baby but give her a break!
Oh, Ryan took the tunnel metaphor WAY too far. And I don't even think he was trying to be mean, it just came out horrifyingly insulting. Also, why couldn't all of the ladies have gotten to use the cute donut rather than the terrible clam or the gross tunnel? UNFAIR.
I don't want to be rude but I'm not sure Kevin got the point of the exercise. Talk about her supporting you...another time.
His understanding of what "foreplay" is made me deeply sad.
Also I don't buy for one second that Tanisha is bashful about sex.
That was so weird and confusing. She did seem genuinely uncomfortable, which is what threw me off. But I think we can all agree that Gretchen and Slade's "performance" was the most disturbing thing that happened the entire episode, right?
As usual, yes. They're like the girl in your high school class who can't shut up about sex because she's terrified you'll figure out she's a virgin. Slade, we all know how vasectomies work, and that even after you've had one you are still A Man.
It was such a charade! Literally! And the bad Southern accents! WHY? It's like they were TRYING to be as repugnant as possible.
Gretchen wanted to make sure we all understood that she and Slade are really "communi-CAY-tive." BTW, my fingers keep wanting to type "Gretched."
"GRETCHED." So perfect!
I'm sure I'm not the first to think of that nickname. But I'm the latest.
"Wretchen" would also work.
Anyway, know who else is starting to annoy me? Roger.
He's become such a one-trick pony with the bitching about being in the mansion and how he came here to work on his relationship, blah blah blah. If it's so terrible, then leave. If it's not, shut up about it, already.
Yeah, I'm annoyed by how often the Carrolls' advice seems to boil down to "Girlfriend/Wife needs to cool it on her career," considering that (a) only the women on this show even seem to have careers, and (b) it puts me in the position of defending their pursuing what are BARELY CAREERS.
That's true. One of the rare substantive nuggets of advice that Jim and Elizabeth dole out to the women seems to be some variation of "be more supportive." Yet I get the sense that Elizabeth wears the proverbial pants in that arrangement.
Seriously. Much as I hate Gretchen -- which is a lot -- what pursuit of his is she supposed to be supporting? Doing more curls so he doesn't strain his shoulder carrying her coat?
I mean, they don't even pretend Slade has a career. They don't even pretend he has a job. So Gretchen needs to keep shilling those purses and posing for TMZ, and everyone knows it.
I don't want to lump the Carrolls in with Dr. Phil in terms of sexism just because they all have Texan accents and no actual therapeutic credentials, but they really leave me no choice. (CREDENTIALS LINE = SATIRE, PLEASE DON'T SUE ME.)
Lump away, I say! The thing about the Carrolls for me, though, is that even when they talk, I can't discern actual sentences that could be of use to anyone. They say lots of words but there's no there there, if you know what I mean. Like I can't think of one piece of concrete advice they've given to anyone, other than "stay on the show and give the boot-camp process a chance."
What...else is there? Helping people? Nah. They could do that without cameras.
There's nothing else. I guess they get a kick out of seeing people screech at each other while blindfolded and wearing electroshock devices. But then again, who doesn't?
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