Examining Bob Benson's Résumé
Seeking a position in publishing, advertising, insurance, inside sales, medical transcription -- really, any Manhattan-based white-collar operation with an office around which I can loiter, looking handsome and ingratiating myself.
I am only 28 but I have packed more exciting, diverse experiences into my young life than you would expect from a midwestern Preppie type (and some you would, like first-class travel to Europe). I feel my unique talent for being right in the middle of the action -- even when no one around me is entirely certain how I actually got there or who asked me to -- coupled with my good looks, agreeable manner, swimmer's build, seven inches uncut, and ready smile, would be an asset to any organization.
1958 1960 1962
Wartin School Of Biz
1959 1961 1963
Sterling Cooper & Partners
Servicing clients like Chevrolet and Ocean Spray with alacrity, pleasantness, and muscular vigor; routinely make myself available for meetings over drinks or Cobb salads at any hour of the day or night; supply refreshments no one asked for at meetings I'm not invited to.
Brown Brothers Harriman
In the employ of a very powerful older man who was an invaluable mentor to me, I did things in the office like get him coffee; turn my back and move my hips a lot as I stirred in his milk and sugar; answered his phone; picked up his pens and pencils if he accidentally knocked over his pencil cup which is why I was under his desk a lot when his colleagues would come in; some filing; accompany him on overseas travel and do his filing on those trips as well; collatio; lots of other tasks as assigned.
Random Haus Publishers
All kinds of typical office stuff like taking notes at meetings, sharpening pencils, picking up people's lunch and dry cleaning, squat thrusts, teaching senior staff members how to whistle, sorting the submission slush pile, drafting correspondence, distributing towels.
For a variety of clients, performed a range of odd jobs, including small engine repair, house painting, personal security services, personal escort services (for ladies), nude modeling for art classes and bodybuilding/nudist magazines.
Double-entry bookkeeping; ballroom dancing (Foxtrot expert); deep-tissue massage and reflexology; classic movie trivia; valid driver's license.
Manolo Colon, Brown Brothers Harriman
Manny Coleman, State Farrm
Manfred Croydon, Vandelay Industries