Elizabeth Morris / NBC

With Two You Get Eye-Roll

Not audience eye-roll, surprisingly! The trois-over event is not bad -- but Chicago PD and SVU team up for some serious side-eyes.

Initial Crime

An arson in the first segment of the trois-over on Chicago Fire was not just an arson, but designed to destroy evidence of a rape.

Real Crime

The rape/arson is, the Chicago PD and SVU wheels of the trois-over tricycle deduce, just the latest in a pattern of five-foot-five-ish brunettes raped and tortured by an UNSUB Benson tried and failed to catch ten years ago*.

REAL Real Crime

After a red-herring segment aimed primarily at reminding us that the latest gem in Dick Wolf's Chicago Collective Noun crown, Chicago Med, will feature Jay Halstead's bro Will as a foxy doc who is completely not involved in these crimes except as someone who was creeped out like whoa by the prime suspect, it becomes clear that Dr. Greg Yates is the doer. He's kidnapped Nadia (a Chicago PD employee/reclamation project who's nabbed while picking up Lindsay's birthday cake, like, of course she is) and taken her back to NYC, merrily swapping license plates all along the way, to rape and kill her before trying to hide behind a faux-ancee.

Headlines This Was Ripped From

Arohn Kee...Douglas Belt...the Cleveland Torso Murderer...Zodiac, Bundy...take your pick. It's frightening that this is both a whole-cloth TV invention designed to satisfy the trois-over set-up, and common vis-a-vis multiple jurisdictions unable to nail a prolific serial criminal down.

Famous Guest Star Who Obviously Did It

Dallas Roberts, and I am comfortable handing over the guest-star Emmy to him right now.

Screen: NBC

Screen: NBC

This is the least smugly weird face he makes. I've always enjoyed the actor and I think he's great as Alicia's bro on The Good Wife, but he is naaaaaasty as Greg Yates. The tongue-flicking! The boner you can almost hear whanging upwards when he's re-crossing Warner! He's vile, but not cartoony. (*Note: I thought this was actually going to be a quatr-over, because Dallas Roberts did play a suspect on an SVU episode about ten years ago. You may remember "Weak" as the one where Amanda Plummer plays a schizophrenic assault survivor, and Benson is unnecessarily twatty to Dr. Mary Stuart Masterson. But Roberts's character in that episode is a pretending-to-be-gay man named Thomas Mathers; he crosses jurisdictions, but not the same ones, and doesn't have the same m.o. Again, he's great, but it's a weird choice to re-use this actor in a different role, given the stated timing of the cold case on SVU's side. And that concludes this installment of Sarah Researched This And Now We All Have To Live In The Bell Jar.)

It's Late, Y'all!

See above, and the courtroom scenes mention tearing of the anus, plus we see a fair amount of Nadia's captivity, and it's not a good time.

Egregious Breach Of Procedure

Given who's involved, it's frankly a miracle Yates doesn't get his face literally bitten off in an interrogation room -- but the importance of playing it "by the book" is stressed throughout. Still, Jay wigs out during the red-herring questioning of his brother; Yates's pro se defense seems more like a narrative tool to make him even more revolting to the audience; and Voight comes into convict holding at the end to pretend he's going to throttle Yates...then say he'd rather let Yates get raped and preyed on in jail, so he can suffer the way Nadia did. Good one?

Who On The SVU Team Is Taking It Personally?

Everyone, because it's a One Of Our Own situation, and yet no one, because it's more CPD's to Take! Personally!, mostly Lindsay (Sophia Bush gives a subtly heartbroken performance).

Fin Speaks For Us All

He stops Voight from barging into the interrogation room when Rollins is drawing more of Yates's flies with honey, which doesn't so much speak for us all as it does get me longing for a Fin/Voight spin-off. ...I don't know why. I would watch the hell out of it, though.

Screen: NBC

Screen: NBC

Right? Two of the best disgusted looks in the business. Fin-dy City PI, who's with me?

Verdict

Yates is enjoying one of those only-on-TV magically effective pro se defenses, and Voight et al. are getting restless, but Barba's picked up on Yates's weakness: reliving the horrible things he's done to these women. He sets Yates up to question Warner at inappropriate and uncomfortable length about the pain and fear Nadia surely felt at the end, then doesn't object to the weird questions even though the judge practically begs him to. Mission accomplished: Yates is convicted on all counts.

Revelations About The Continuing Characters' Personal Lives That We Should Remember Going Forward

I guess Noah's over the measles (and not running a fever for the first time in like a year), because Benson's happy to fly out to Chitown at the drop of a hat, and have a mournful post-conviction cocktail at the cop local with the CPD guys (not to mention pretending an info dump from Carisi is her nanny so she can ambush Jay's brother). Other than that, we get almost no information about the characters' personal lives, and thank God...although it seems Voight and Benson's little maybe bam-chicka from the last crossover isn't still a thing? Too bad, I liked their chemistry. On the other hand, Benson is very possibly with-benefits-ing Voight and Tucker too, which: yes, mama.

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