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SVU Takes (On) The Subway (Case)

A kiddie-porn sting uncovers more than the squad bargained for -- but the news isn't all bad.

Initial Crime

We open on a sting operation that obliges Amanda "Crystal" Rollins to pimp "her niece" (a young-looking NYPD cadet) to known creeper Teddy "Brown Sugar" Hawkins, a former heavyweight champ. After Hawkins has offered the rook, who says she's almost 16, a Long Island iced tea and then convinced her to get topless for test shots because his "friend runs an agency," the squad busts in and cuffs him as he's unbuckling. Blergle.

Real Crime

Teddy's not admitting to anything, you understand, because this is entrapment, outrage!, etc. -- but while he himself is not into the kiddies, he knows guys who are, and who upload/trade child porn, and it's information he's willing to trade for the privilege of skipping the evening-news perp walk. Said information leads to an old man watching QVC in his bathrobe, and it is a crime the way shopping networks prey on the elderly and their fixed inc-- wait, Grampy here doesn't even know what a modem is. His neighbor installed it "for his cable," and guess what his neighbor, Deputy Commissioner Hank "PR Smarmo" Abraham is doing when the detectives ask his wife if they can take a peek into his study?

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That derfy screen name alone is a felony in like four states.

REAL Real Crime

You know that famous line about knowing pornography when you see it? Carisi and built-in bookshelves in the same shot, people.

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I'm not old enough to be looking at that and I can remember the Carter presidency.

...Not really. It's actually the wan finger-guns Abraham throws at his eleven-year-old son when he's carted off to answer for his activities.

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...Not really! It's obviously that Abraham is raising his son a Mets fan! THAT PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY, PEOPLE. [turns Ron Darling bobblehead to face wall]

...No, not really. It's...the porn. And the hypocrisy isn't great either.

Verdict

Abraham is resolutely in denial about the seriousness of the situation, claiming that malware pop-ups framed him. Unfortunately, the...porn-sniffing dog? I had no idea that was a thing, but I Googled, literally, "porn sniffing dog" and the very first result had to do with our next category. Anyhoodle, the hound on duty leads the crime-scene techs to a couple of hard drives taped under a drawer in Abraham's bedroom

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and, while gentle questioning of Abraham's kids reveals that at the very least he didn't touch them in a bad way, it's clear that Abraham is guilty, at which time he goes into "it's an addiction and I have sought treatment options kthxbai" mode, but that's not going to cut it. When he realizes the seriousness of the situation, he slashes his wrists, but his wife happens upon the scene while picking up some stuff for the kids and saves him in spite of herself. A wrung-out Abraham is given four years, served concurrently for each count thanks to his "cooperation" (read: let's not embarrass the department further? hard to say why Barba dealt when the feds could have locked him up basically forever on their version of the charges), and 20 years minimum on the registry.

The missus, however, declines (I guess?) to drop-kick him despite 1) the charges having savaged her career by association (she's an ADA assigned to DCFS) and 2) his being a fucking pedophile. As Abraham is led away, she murmurs, "He's still my husband. And we have two children." "I get it. I get it," Liv croons. Well, that makes one of us. He wants to look at prepubescents Doing It, lady! Kick that grotsk for the field goal!

Headlines This Was Ripped From

Jared Fogle's downfall.

How Was The Real Story Fictionalized?

Fogle was known primarily as a spokesperson for the restaurant that helped him lose a ton of weight, and isn't a former athlete; Russell Taylor, director of Fogle's childhood-obesity awareness foundation, is the one who tried to take his own life; Abraham didn't consort with prostitutes, underage or otherwise; Fogle got almost 16 years and had to pay restitution to his victims; the former Mrs. Fogle filed for divorce at lightning speed; the porn-sniffing dog in the real case was a black lab, not a golden.

Famous Guest Star Who Obviously Did It

Josh Pais as Hank Abraham. Hat tip to Danny Johnson as Hank; his belt-unbuckling was extremely uncomfortable to watch.

L&O-verse Regulars

Johnson has appeared on all the franchises; you'll probably recognize him from the Mothership where two uniforms are accused of dropping a white kid in Harlem and lighting a race-riot fuse. Probably the last we'll see of Pais; Peter Gallagher is back as Dodds Sr.

It's Late, Y'all!

Johnson's delivery of his BBQ product tagline, "it's bone-suckin' good," belongs at 10 o'clock at the earliest. Also, the porn-upload usernames. [shudder]

Fin Speaks For Us All

Our man doesn't get much to do this week, but directs a classic "SHUT up" at a protesting perp.

Egregious Breach Of Procedure

It doesn't seem to me like Liv should be apologetically day-drinking with Pippa Cox during Abraham's house arrest, much less "swearing" in cry-voice that the investigation isn't payback. And I know he's a bad toucher, but it's February; maybe get Abraham a coat for the ride to the station?

Who On The SVU Team Is Taking It Personally?

Liv, because Pippa and because moms; everyone, because Abraham is a department employee and an unlikeable one to boot.

Revelations About The Continuing Characters' Personal Lives That We Should Remember Going Forward

Dodds Sr. visits Dodds Jr. at rehab to nearly order him to switch over to the terrorism task force because it's better for his career. Dodds Jr. decides against it; wish he'd decided against the Flock Of Seakarls haircut, which makes him look kinda old. Like, old enough to pass for Gallagher's cousin or baby brother.

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But hey, let's talk about shit that NEVER gets old, AMIRITE?! Tucker is back, ostensibly because Abraham is PD but really so that he and Liv can drown their sorrows after the sentencing with "a nightcap." Works for me! Liv opts not to head into a crowded cop bar, and she makes sure to mutter that she "could really use a drink" so we know that the Alcoholiv issue is not dead, but I really don't care, because Tucker's all, you name the place, and Liv does not say "how about my pants," but she's thinking it, and then she takes his arm!

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I'LL! BE! IN! MY! BENKERRRRRRRR!

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