Photo: David Giesbrecht / NBC

Sob Sister, Part The Umpteenth

Carisi's sister's baby daddy is raped by his P.O., because SVU siblings can't just have boring functional lives ever.

Initial Crime

Carisi's sister, Bella, is engaged to and pregnant by a parolee named Tommy who's really turning it around...until his parole officer, Donna Marshall, rapes him at gunpoint, a trauma he responds to by...

Real Crime

...going on a bender and getting himself locked up after a bar fight, because even if Tommy believed a woman could rape a man, Marshall's his P.O. and used her position (as it were) as leverage to make Tommy comply. When Benson et al. convince Tommy to file an assault complaint against her, Marshall ups the blackmail ante by...

REAL Real Crime

...planting drugs she got from another parolee, whom she's also raped at gunpoint, in Tommy's apartment so she can violate him (as it were).

Headlines This Was Ripped From

Googling turns up myriad headlines regarding male parole officers raping women in their charge; I couldn't find a specific case like this one with the roles reversed, but no doubt they exist.

Famous Guest Star Who Obviously Did It

Molly Price, a.k.a. Third Watch's Faith Yokas, is Donna Marshall. Obie-winner Michael Chernus does a great job as Tommy; ditto The Divide's Marin Ireland, who's saddled with a thankless "you WHAT?!" part but does her best (and looks credibly like Scanavino).

It's Late, Y'all!

The customary references to "saliva and, uh, fluids," but nothing egregious. ...Wait, that's not true. This child's hair is unacceptable at any hour.

Photo: Michael Parmelee / NBC

Photo: Michael Parmelee / NBC

I'm sensing a crossover event...

GIF: Previously.TV

GIF: Previously.TV

...and I'm not happy about it. Oh, also Benson compares a male's "mechanical, biological response" during a sexual assault to "a sneeze, or when you cut up onions," which is a pretty good illustration but also kind of oogy, like, leave the mirepoix out of it please.

Egregious Breach Of Procedure

"Carisi, you can't be part of this investigation." I gave that about six minutes to expire, but the squad actually maintained an appropriate boundary between Carisi and his future BIL for the most part. The defense's eleventh-hour witness flip during Marshall's trial seems quite sketchy, however; the other rape-blackmailed parolee, Dolphy, goes out for a smoke and disappears like a puff of one right before Barba calls him, forcing Barba to rest his case...and then the defense immediately calls Dolphy as their first witness, and Barba's like "asshole says what?" and the judge is like "well that's what the script says, so: overruled?"

Who On The SVU Team Is Taking It Personally?

Carisi, because it's the father of his sister's child (and he's probably feeling a little guilty for never having really liked Tommy up to this point); Rollins, who's hammering on Tommy "hitting rock bottom" even though he's on parole for pot dealing, and not everything is a 12-step nail; and Benson: "It's not gonna just go away if you pretend it didn't happen." Yes, angel. We heard. Benson also literally puts Noah in Bella's face to leverage Bella's future baby to get Bella to support Tommy, or forgive him, or take Noah's old baby clothes, or something. ...Guys, the hair.

Photo: Michael Parmelee / NBC

Photo: Michael Parmelee / NBC

I can't get over it. It's so ugly.

Fin Speaks For Us All

No Fin, but I whiled away a pleasant five minutes imagining what his sister would be like (Fortune 500 record mogul) and who would play her (Solange, obvi).

Verdict

Despite the nonstop PSAs about how it is in fact possible for a lady to assault a dude sexually and that his physical response doesn't mean it's not rape, Barba isn't confident the jury will convict, so he pleads Marshall to five years' probation and she has to go on the registry.

Revelations About The Continuing Characters' Personal Lives That We Should Remember Going Forward

Rollins and Amaro have a weird moment regarding Carisi's cannoli (not like that, yegh) that suggests the Rollaro ship is about to set sail again. Please: no. Carisi and Bella have two other sisters whose own semi-hapless love lives don't prevent them from getting all judgy with Bella. Benson lets Noah play with Crisco.

For Dick Week we list:

SVU's siblings, in increasing order of dickosity

  • Bella Carisi
  • Amaro's bratty sister
  • Teresa and/or Gina Carisi
  • Benson's half-bro who kept getting himself framed for things
  • Rollins's grifty sister
  • Kathleen Stabler (...what? She's Maureen Stabler's sibling. Also, she's TERRIBLE) (actually, so is Maureen)
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