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Keeping Up With The Kardashians Keeps Kontrol Of Kanye's Krisis

To the point where no one knows or even cares what happened to him.

Y'all, why is this show still going on? If it can even be believed, that's not the only question I have about "When It Rains It Pours, Part 2."

Is this what rich people are really like?

Good God, this Angel Ball thing...does no one realize how tacky they seem? Et tu, Tommy Hilfiger? I don't understand the world they live in where 1) it's cool to go to an event "honoring" (as they kept wrongly stating) your father looking more nude than the day you were born (Khloe); and 2) why Kris is the spokesperson for Robert Kardashian when she is not even his widow. In fact, he had two wives after Kris and was even married to one of them when he died. I know Kris had all these kids with Robert, but they were married less than twenty years. Meanwhile, Kris went on to be married for twenty-five years to Caitlyn, with whom she also had children...maybe she and Robert stayed close until his death, but doesn't all this memorializing lately seem extreme?

But what IS wrong with Kanye?

It's great that Kim is so dedicated to her marriage that she will "rush back" from New York to be with him when whatever happened happened, but...what happened? Of course it's no one's right to know the details of his mental health issues, but in that case, why do we know about them at all? Is he stressed because of the attack on Kim? Is he overworked with his fashion stuff and his tour? People do get stressed to a breaking point, absolutely -- even famous people who have major commitments -- but Kim moping around in her skintight athleisure talking about all the deep breaths she's having to take about whatever is going on...this is not interesting! Also, when Kim gets the Kanye Kall and starts crying on the phone, neither her mother nor Kourtney even reaches a hand out to comfort her.

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If Kanye was having a true breakdown, that's terrible. But it's also terrible and so unnecessary that their lives are like this and I don't understand, with all the endless jetsetting they do, how none of them has experienced deep vein thrombosis. I realize it's a weird note, but sometimes I think about the number of flights they take and the sodium levels of all that salad dressing they consume and I can't help doing the math. What? They're the weird ones!

Why is Kylie forty-five?

As they show their "line" to Vogue, which might as well start accepting advertising from Claire's if they are this much in bed with this bunch, Kendall and Kylie stress out wondering if their nude matte bodysuits and leatherette dog collars will inspire the (no longer) discerning editors of the world's (former) last word of fashion to wax fond about their California-every-day style, a much bigger question emerges. Why does Kylie look like this?

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Kendall -- who rarely strikes one as having a sense of humor at all, much less a good one -- levels me with the slam of the year, casually asking, "Does anyone ever tell you you look like a Bratz Doll?"

Why is Kendall dressed like Daryl "The Captain" Dragon?

This hat. I don't know.

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Other than this tragic misstep, I am feeling Kendall this week. It is especially poignant (well, in Kardashian terms) to hear her say how badly she wants to be taken seriously, knowing the Pepsi debacle is soon to occur in the show's timeline. Girl, you're going to have to learn to lighten up. As long as you live among these people, the hits will just keep coming.

Are we embarrassed for Malika?

We are. She is a bad actress in a terrible show. And if she got paid to tell the world about her failed romance that blossomed on a show improbably called Famously Single, all the money in the world wouldn't have been enough, nor could it possibly have generated enough interest to make faking it profitable, even on E! So, could that have been real?

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I feel like Malika and Khloe are real friends, in any case -- a theory supported by the Kendall-style burn Khloe administers when she reaches a point of doneness with her old friend: "Maybe she's embarrassed that she's dating Ronnie from the Jersey Shore," Khloe suggests. "I would be." It's evil, but....

Are we embarrassed for the world?

Is there any more on-the-nose illustration of all that is wrong with the world than the commercials for this hour of television? Shout out to the ad team sandwiching the trailer for the historical film on the Armenian genocide The Promise between previews for Total Divas, a show detailing the ups and downs of WWE's most sexualized athletes and the photo shoots in which they participate for a living, and Second Wives Club, a misogynistic look at all a bunch of thrown-over hags and the future hags that replaced them. Thank you, Kardashians, for shining the light of truth on this important piece of forgotten OMG GOTTA GO...Tori Spelling's talking to a twink psychic about dog ghosts! Byeee.

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