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Keeping Up With The Kardashians Keeps It Up In Kosta Rica

Will Scott purposefully zipline into a tree to escape?

The Klan takes a family vacay (because that's their job) to beautiful Costa Rica to lounge in luxury and soak in the local flavor of the impoverished conditions outside their villa. Scott, because he's back on the main stage lately -- Kanye has apparently decided to take a drama break and Khloe's boyfriend has the good sense to stay out of this kluster -- opts to fly a girl out to imprison in his room because I guess he can't last four days without some dead-inside Barbie stroking his ego and otherwise. These people are juvenile and lacking in cultural awareness, emotional intelligence, and human decency. Those things are not even in question. But these things are:

Did I miss Kim getting a ghetto pass?

Kim bragging to her black husband about how "ghetto" she went on the girl hiding in Scott's bathroom in Dubai…can I even unpack all the ways this was embarrassing and wrong? Kim couldn't get around the way with a map, and Kanye grew up in Chicago and China with his mom, an English professor. Of course, Kanye has a huge amount of (deserved) artistic hip-hop cred, but maybe he needs to check it before it is all completely eroded, if it hasn't been already.

Are you breaking up with Scott?

I'm done with this empty tassel loafer. All this up and down for years about him needing to get sober and how he's been trying to prove himself for the kids' sake and trying to get Kourtney back…he's an addict and a liar. Is it any of Kim's business? No. But that's what he is and his whining about how Kourtney won't ever "pat [me] on the back" made me throw in the towel on him for good. Why he would even want to get back together with Kourtney makes no sense to me other than the general truth that he's a freeloader, but -- in this possibly fake scenario because who knows what is real? -- it's one thousand percent clear why she wouldn't want to bother with his punk ass anymore.

Not that I would want to stay with these loud people even on any of the free trips they invite him on, but his claims that staying around Kourtney just makes him feel bad about himself are utterly laughable. Side-piece or not, he mostly doesn't want to be around all these young kids, including his own. But (if we're playing along): speaking of this mysterious Chelsea, are we supposed to believe that a person would fly in some skank to a family trip and risk that being exposed on camera? Which is exactly what happened? Ipso facto, this is fake as hell and Kourtney is probably already pregnant with their fourth child, as Kris -- the sickest enabler of all time -- ordained. This is the kind of thing that consumes entire minutes of my day. What is the truth? I just want to understand the math of it.

The childish behavior of every single one of these adults over the whole "situation" was so confusing. Could Kim have been any more THRILLED to drop this bomb on her sisters? Did anybody actually need this lesson on how you shouldn't have three kids with a soulless robot or a boozing ne'er-do-well? If so…here it is.

What is Khloe's deal?

Don't yell every word you say. Don't ask your mom how long she's been "boning" the guy she clearly hates to be around. Don't torture people with your presence. It was interesting to me that she and Kris had the meta moment where she mentioned that she would bring her boyfriend, Tristan Thompson, on a private family vacation but not an "on-camera" one. Girl, if you're ready to get off the TV -- and I think it would be great for you and the rest of the world -- let me help you pack!

Why is Kris so wrecked?

Kris, looking like she is recovering from two rounds with the plastic surgeon, seems legitimately exhausted by life. If it all has to do with Caitlyn's book, I honestly cannot understand why. As I wrote last week, she's barely mentioned in it, and what is said was fairly positive. Is it possible that things were removed after Caitlyn showed her the draft? It certainly seemed like major details of Cait's life were glossed over, the Kardashian parts in particular. If Kris managed to make some major bombshell disappear, I have to 1) wonder why; and 2) bow down to her seemingly limitless power. Also, I would love a source on that caftan she was wearing in Costa Rica.

Why do they let Corey talk, ever?

Everything he says is cringeworthy, and I don't even know if it's because he's awkward or because they're ridiculous. He's too nice for them. He can't keep up!

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