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Has Keeping Up With The Kardashians Discovered A Cure For Anxiety?

And other burning questions we're taking to the Lord in prayer.

My eyes rolled so hard when I learned the premise of this episode would be "Scott hanging out with old women," and with good reason. It's stupid and made up. That being said, in the realm of mindless entertainment that we need right now before the world ends, it was weirdly comforting to see ol' Vineyard Vines doing water aerobics with these overreaching cougars. Even if it makes no sense that this seems to be part of his addiction recovery, it's kind of…cute? I don't know. They can't make me like Scott, but they get close sometimes. It's fully embarrassing that he or these women would have agreed to thrust together in a pool, but it's better than the bizarrely contrived B-plot of Kendall's travel anxiety. It goes against the laws of nature that I would say this, but…I do have a few questions.

Should we prepare for a war with England?

Because to call what Scott, Kris, and her friends were doing at what is clearly some kind of brass and fern lounge in Calabasas is the farthest thing from high tea there is, and if the Queen catches wind of this nonsense, she may revoke her recent offer to, in light of the looming election, allow us to return to sovereign rule. I know I saw a bowl of Chex Mix on the bar. Don't ruin TEA, Kardashians.

Why would Kendall jeopardize her career this way?

When your whole job depends on getting on planes to arrive places on time, why would you go on international TV and talk about how much you hate doing it? Is her completely flat affect and unconvincing acting supposed to broadcast that this "crisis" is all for show? If she's trying to take early retirement from modeling, or just take a vacation, there are easier ways to do it. (It would be a shame if she did -- I know there is a world of naysayers out there who don't consider her legit, but look at her face! She's so All-American-ly stunning!)

So, even the therapists in L.A. talk like this?

I'm all for people speaking however they speak -- I know there is backlash on the backlash against the vocal fry, but I can't take a mental health professional talking like a Hollister employee. I suppose she could just be trying to communicate on Kim's level, though she was obviously not fully committed, having shown up to this appointment wearing a dress and not a driving kimono.

Also, this lady all, "[snort] You know the average person doesn't think like that, right?" about Kim's assorted highway fears…is this how this is done? I haven't been in counseling for a long time (OBVIOUSLY), but this "liiiiike, are you, like, anxious right now, like a lot?" while Kim gazes, bored, out the windshield and drives calmly with one hand on the wheel, seems off.

Aren't you relieved anxiety can be treated with one session?

Every time they tackle a real subject like anxiety (or, in Rob's case, depression), it's made all the worse by the one-shot coverage they give of the therapies. First of all, don't film your treatment. Secondly, it's insulting to people who really have these problems to do an at-a-glance feature on something as serious as physical or mental stress that results in sleep paralysis!

Why can't Kris hire someone to travel with Kendall all the time? Maybe now that she's into meditation -- which is great -- she can get a coach, or something. She seems very averse to therapy, which is sad. Anyone who has been through the things she's been through in her life needs an opportunity for ventilation.

Why must we continue to invoke Robert, Sr.?

My own dad died fifteen years ago, and I think of him every day. I'm not surprised it's any different for any Kardashian, but I have to say that going back over and over to talk about their father on this show feels a little bit crazy, if only because he passed away before any of this fame and fortune came to be. It's especially weird coming from Kris, since she divorced him more than a decade before he died, and went on to be married to someone else for nearly twice as long as she was married to Bob. Not that she can't still think very fondly of the father of four of her children, but there's an exploitative tone. Then again, talking about their dad is the closest any of them seems to normal.

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