A: A Good And/Or Likely Replacement For Alex Trebek When He Inevitably Retires From Hosting Jeopardy!
Breaking our own Sarah D. Bunting's poor heart, Crowd Rules has officially been cancelled. Which doesn't rule. But in an interview with the Observer confirming the sad news, CR co-host Pat Kiernan let it be known that he still has ambitions beyond NY1: "I remain vigilant on the Jeopardy front....At some point Alex will opt to retire and they’ll have to find another Canadian to take over."
Should that Canadian be Kiernan? Yes. He's already hosted game shows, most notably VH1's late and lamented World Series Of Pop Culture, which ended before Sarah and I could put together a team (called The Lenox Avenue Ladybugs, or possibly The Janice Rossis In 2R). He's as deadpan as Trebek, minus the snotty attitude. And it's time Americans outside NY1's broadcast area got to know him as something other than a news anchor cameo artist.
But will that Canadian be Kiernan? Maybe not. Let's consider some of the other options.
Q: Who Is Alanis Morissette
Pros: Her TV experience goes back to when she was a teenager; she might be looking for a stable day job now that she's a parent.
Cons: Her music suggests that annoyance with contestants could get quite aggressive.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "Not unless she's learned what 'ironic' actually means."
Q: Who Is Kevin McDonald
Pros: Quick on his feet; seems sufficiently friendly; isn't working as much in comedy as he should be.
Cons: If he gets too agitated, that high/fast voice/cadence is going to make the answers hard to understand.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "If HAS to be a Kid in the Hall, I'd prefer Mark."
Q: Who Is Sarah Chalke
Pros: Available; fluency in French and German will help her give that Trebekian turn to foreign words and phrases.
Cons: May find it hard to downshift to a gig that constrains her propensity for physical comedy.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "With that hair?"
Q: Who Is David Suzuki
Pros: Longtime broadcaster; smarter than Trebek, even!
Cons: May feel the need to add discursive explanations to science answers.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "Well, at least he's someone whose stature is comparable to mine."
Q: Who Is Anne Murray
Pros: Lovely speaking voice; little danger that she's on the verge of signing a Shania Twain-style residency at a theatre in Las Vegas.
Cons: Can she spare the time away from her golfing?
Alex's Probable Judgment: "She's still alive?"
Q: Who Is J.D. Roberts
Pros: Actual journalist with years of live on-camera experience.
Cons: Migrating from CNN to Fox News lowered his worth. ...Oh, cons for this job? Probably none.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "But if he needed to, could he grow a moustache?"
Q: Who Is Sook-Yin Lee
Pros: Gamine-like broadcaster with experience across several media and formats.
Cons: Would probably get very bored in the business attire the show would require; did a movie that's not quite porn but is kind of porn-adjacent.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "She has how many tattoos? ...No."
Q: Who Is Alan Thicke
Pros: Are you kidding? This guy's the consummate pro! (He's also hosted several game shows both here and in Canada.)
Cons: Possibly too smarmy.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "I don't need my legacy getting eclipsed by this guy."
Q: Who Is Margaret Atwood
Pros: Undeniably smart and witty.
Cons: You think Trebek's withering with dumb contestants? This lady would make people cry.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "At least she's someone whose stature's comparable to mine."
Q: Who Is Rob Ford
Pros: Already owns a bunch of suits; may have a lot more free time soon.
Cons: Canadians aren't exactly proud of our very own short-fingered vulgarian.
Alex's Probable Judgment: "I mean, we've all had our problems."