We've Got Spirit (What, What?)
Liv's up, down, and all around after a combo of stoner and cheerleader brains.
A rich client of Blaine's wanted an astronaut's brain. Major stole the astronaut's brains from Meat Cute, then vowed to Kill All Zombies to Liv (ouch). Dick (who cares what his name is on this show? We all think of him as "Dick," don't we?) asserts that it's "like a cult" at Max Rager, the energy drink with the "serious side effects." Liv talked to Max Rager's head about a memo detailing those side effects, then got snowed by Max Rager staffer Sebastian, who tried to kill her on a boat. Now Sebastian's a (non-fatally chopped-up) zombie.
I Know What You Did Last Homage
Who called the meeting? Propellerhead Sebastian.
What's it about? Road rash.
How'd it go? It was painful. We're sent back to the end of the episode where Liv was a drunk reporter, with a scarred Sebastian pulling himself out of the water. He staggers into the road and promptly gets mowed down by a pack of teens that could have been imported from any other show currently on the CW.
The kids do and say all the stuff you've seen teens who just ran someone over while stoned and driving a stolen car do in movies and TV. It's very cleverly done -- the whole I Know What You Did-ness is very self-aware. (We'll see more teen-horror-movie stuff later on tonight, suggesting to me that the writers wanted to keep hitting those beats throughout. It really worked on me!)
And just as in IKWYDLS, the dead guy wasn't really dead. He rises from his grave and offs the "good girl" of the bunch.
R.I.P. Kimber Cooper
Oh, Kimber. What was a nice, Christian girl like you doing with a bunch of Ass Hats? You were the "prettiest girl in school," but when discovered two weeks after your gruesome demise, you're scattered parts and mush.
A student at the same school from which Liv matriculated and her irritating brother still attends, Kimber wasn't just pretty: she was also a cheerleader and the prom queen. That said, she had a wild streak, admittedly planning on taking an "oral exam" from "Hottie McBody" Nate the night of her death, apparently after sitting and watching his band practice, then riding around in a stolen car. You crazy teens, you all think you'll live forever. You won't.
If the traits your (rotten liquified) brain passed on to Liv are any indication, Kimber, you were bubbly, fun, cool, and very nice. Not to Monday-morning-quarterback your social life, but you should have gone to that lockup instead.
Meat Cute Amnesia
Hey, remember when Lowell told Liv all about Meat Cute's zombie-specific, yellow-lunch bag menu? He even showed her the menu on his phone! Meat Cute's whole foodie spin on the brains of lost kids was the final straw that led Liv to set up the whole scenario to kill Blaine, who instead killed Lowell. It seemed like she had a pretty good idea of what Meat Cute was, right?
So how come when she tells Ravi about how Major showed up at her house that morning with "five yellow coolers of brains," she says he stole the coolers from a car "that was parked behind someplace called Meat Cute, it's like, a butcher shop or something," as opposed to "that slaughterhouse Blaine runs!" Weird, huh?
Majorly Bad Judgement
Alert Type: Loose Cannon Alert.
Issue: Major wasn't actually crazy when he thought he saw zombies, yay(?)! But now that he knows that zombies are real, he might actually be going crazy.
DRINK!: First, the most exciting part of Major's storyline this week is how he records what I assume is a webcam record of zombies, etc., beginning with the phrase, "If you're watching this, I'm already dead." Don't you mean "All-ll-ll-ready dead," Major? As someone who full-voicedly sings along with the iZombie theme song every week, I was thrilled to hear this line said aloud. Shots for everyone!
Complicating Factors: My delight at a theme-song reference aside, Major's retreading past events this week. More YouTubing gun how-tos, another shadowy meeting with a gun salesman (who offers him a grenade! Does he take it? Guess we have to wait for the finale for that one). Also, does anyone else think it's kind of creepily sociopathic how, in this ep and others, he can so seamlessly go from joking around with Ravi to doing demented internet plotting?
ANYWAY. Things get more interesting when Major shows up at Meat Cute disguised as a Seattle health inspector doing a surprise check of the place.
Resolution: When he hears about the spot check, Dupont, who is apparently smarter than he looks, asks if the inspector had "good hair." Uh, I guess? Later that night, as Major stakes out Meat Cute while listening to some motivational speaker (not a joke), Dupont grabs him.
Spoiler: Sounds like Blaine might find his astronaut brains after all!
Spin Off Idea
You already know MasterChef and MasterChef Junior, most ably covered by Dan MacEachern and Sarah D. Bunting. Consider for a moment how they'd write about an edition of MasterChef where every Mystery Box contains human brains in varying levels of decay. That alone is a justification for this show.
Main Cast: The usual desperate white-aproned randos.
New Characters to be added: Instead of Gordon, Graham, and what's-her-name (I miss Joe!), the judges will be Liv (so, see, we still have a lady!); Blaine (same hair as Ramsay's anyway); and Clive, who will suspiciously ask if every menu item contains mushrooms.
Sample episode plot: A contestant that blends Kimber's two-weeks-decomposed brain into Mexican Hot Chocolate gets the ultimate compliment from Liv when she drinks the entree twice. Blaine drones at a contestant who he says wasted "million-dollar astronaut brain" in multiple interminable scenes. Clive suspiciously tries a piece of pizza. Special guest star Propellerhead Sebastian moves the cheftestants with a tearful story of how he ate his 91-year-old Aunt Edna's brains following a tragic freezer door accident, then lectures them all on the importance of keeping multiple types of peppers in the pantry.
Mutual of PTV's Animal Kingdom
Oh, this is sad! After Ravi's Utopium/Max Rager doses turned his zombie rat brown again, it seems like a cure was upon us. And not just that, but Ravi had developed enough affection for the rat that he'd named her "Hope" (aw!) and gotten her an exercise wheel (double aw!). That fondness made Hope's unexpected passing that much sadder.
With his limited supply of tainted Utopium, though, Ravi was eventually able to make another zombie rat. So all hope (smirk) is not lost.
In The Box With Tate
Liv is full of Kimber brains as she cleverly and thoughtfully coerces the slain cheerleader's friend, Tate, into playing the last voicemail Kimber ever left. In the background, you hear a live band playing, but Kimber didn't have a fake ID, Tate tearfully says.
The words "slumber chunder" (a widely-used slang term meaning to unexpectedly vomit in one's sleep. Thanks for broadening my vocab, iZombie!) is sung repeatedly by the band, and a quick "Chasm" (remember, that's what this show calls Google) reveals that the song is by the Ass Hats, a band comprised of "burnout losers from [Tate's, Kimber's, Liv's former, etc.] high school."
Before you ask, no, Evan is not in this band. He isn't cool enough.
Hey Hey We're The Asshats
Name: The Ass Hats. Age: Teens. Occupation: Shitty high-school band. Goals: Smoke weed, play music, bang a cheerleader, steal a car, run over a guy, get killed. Sample Dialogue: "We were here all night rehearsing."
Kimber's brain gives Liv a flash of her last night on earth, as Ass Hat Teresa tells Ass Hat Cameron to turn the stolen car's headlights back on. (For those of you from urban areas, speeding down rural roads with the headlights off is a very common bored-small-town-teen thing to do. Not that I'd know anything about that. Hi, Dad!). In the back seat, Ass Hat Nate tells Kimber "that seat belt really makes your boobs pop, babe." Ugh, he is so not a Hottie McBody.
Alert Type: The Bumpy Road Of Friendship Alert.
Issue: In a season-long arc, Liv has strugggled with her once-close friendship with Peyton now that she's one of the undead.
Complicating Factors: Liv's personality changes dramatically depending on whose brains she's eaten. While on Kimber, she's a cuddly gal pal proposing a spin date.
When she's on Nate, she's making bongs out of apples and flaking on said spin.
Resolution: This entire issue comes to a head (ha ha) this week.
Spoiler: People don't always react they way you want them to when you announce that you're a zombie.
The Late Nate
When Liv and Clive return to the storage unit/Ass Hat rehearsal space, they discover Nate, with his "head caved in" but his brains intact. According to his phone records, he got a text from Kimber's cell a week after she died that read "Need to talk $$$."
Did Nate owe someone money, or was he owed? Why was Cameron's car seen speeding from the storage facility seven minutes after Nate's time of death?
A vision from Nate's brain shows Cameron (who, if this subplot were indeed a teen horror film, would be the Matthew Lillard character) telling Nate they can't go to the cops about...something that he says will bring them a lot of cash.
My guess? Though they didn't note it in the previouslies, Sebastian had a flash drive with the Max Rager Makes People Go Bonkers memo on his person. Could it have ended up with the Ass Hats, who figured out its value? Just a hypothesis.
Allow Me To Speak For All Of San Francisco
Ravi and Peyton are going to San Francisco this weekend, and since Peyton's a "Vertigo freak" they're going to tour the places where the film was shot. Would it be good or bad, Ravi asks Major, if Ravi wore a "retro Jimmy Stewart-esque suit" while on the tour?
As someone who's lived in San Francisco for 18 years, I feel qualified to say "Durrrrrrr how is this even a question??1?!?!" Do you know what the average guy is wearing in San Francisco right now? He is wearing garbage. Ravi, you're a multi-ethnic, tall doctor with a British accent and a FUCKING ZOMBIE RAT. You show up here in a Jimmy Stewart-styled suit and many, many women and men will fall upon you in a frenzy of lust and admiration.
Plot Lightning Round
Ass Hat Teresa, who has the hair I wish I did, shows up at Seattle PD to tell Clive and a stoned (because she's on Nate brain and Peyton weed pops) Liv everything that we saw before the opening credits. She directly references IKWYDLS one and two, saying that if she knows anything from watching those films, Cameron and she will be the next to die.
After she works with a sketch artist to get an image of Propellerhead Liv can freak out over in a minute, Teresa starts getting texts from Cameron.
"Don't trust him!" I holler as she arranges to meet him at "the motel off the [sic] hwy," and to "Bring HIS stuff. Let's find him b4 he finds us." Mysterious!
Wrap It Up
Liv goes back for more Kimber so she can solve the case with a clear head. That's when Clive texts her Theresa's suspect sketch.
But, seriously, this is how Liv realizes that she infected Sebastian when they fought. "I did this" she says. "I made another zombie."
Another zombie who's currently doing that scary-movie medicine-cabinet thing to Peyton!
When Liv returns home, she discovers an unconscious Peyton on the floor.
And Sebastian in the kitchen! What follows is a legitimately excellent fight scene between the two of them, during which Liv shows such prowess that I am wondering why she hasn't gone after Blaine in a similar fashion!
Especially because it ends like this.
At some point during the fight, Peyton's woken up. Which, yay, that means she's okay -- but now she's seen Liv as she really is.
In a sincerely touching scene, Liv tells her everything.
Peyton is stunned, grabs the bags she'd packed for her weekend with Ravi, and flees the apartment.
Clive and Ravi, who are both working the crime scene, try to comfort Liv. Clive says that now that Sebastian's dead he can lift Teresa's protective detail (ohhh, I dunno about that plan, Clive). Liv tells Ravi that Peyton knows everything, and that she ran off. Ravi says that they were heading to SF tonight, but we later see that Peyton stands him up.
But things could be worse, Ravi! Take, for example, the scene at the motel by the highway, where the newly detailless Teresa is meeting Cameron.
Or there's the case of Major, who was pulled out of his car by Dupont, certain that he's nabbed the million-dollar astronaut-brain thief.
"The guy who knows too much," Blaine practically purrs, implying he's about to do all sorts of torture stuff to Major. Looks like someone forgot to lock the front door at Meat Cute, though, because in walks Evan, with that application his (and Liv's!) mom picked up for him a few weeks ago.
As Major listens, Blaine realizes aloud that Evan is Liv's brother. Evan, you're hired! (It's like nepotism but with murder.)
Back at the motel, a badly beaten Teresa tries to call 911. Bye, Teresa.