No Sleep 'Til Falco

iZombie wraps up its first season with an impressively high body count.

  • Previously

    Reporter Rebecca Hinton had a memo alleging that energy drink "Max Rager" was causing psychotic episodes. Liv told Max Rager's top dog that she knows about the memo. Liv fought and killed Sebastian, and Peyton saw her go full zombie. Teresa went into a motel room and a door slammed ominously shut. Major's in Team Meat Cute's clutches, and they know he stole the astronaut brains. Blaine offered Liv's brother a job once he realized he was Liv's brother.

  • Brain­teaser
    Q If you can't find stolen astronaut brains in your captive's house, car, etc., where could they be?
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    Kiss my ass.
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  • Alert!
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    There's Only One Ass Hat

    Alert Type: Murderous Bandmate Alert.

    Issue: As most of us had predicted, the Ass Hats weren't getting bumped off by Sebastian! Instead, their compatriot Cameron is the killer. Also as predicted, our merry band of teens had found the Max Rager memo flash drive on Sebastian's person. It was a Max Rager staffer who'd texted Nate from Kimber's phone to offer them $300,000 to return the drive. But Nate wanted to spill all the beans to the cops, so Cameron took him out.

    When Cameron (using Find My Phone) saw that Teresa was at the Seattle Police Department, he assumed she was snitching and invited her to meet him at a motel, where he bludgeoned her to death with a batch of stolen pool balls tossed into a pillow case.

    Complicating Factors: Now it appears that a Max Rager rep has abducted Cameron, after he left an entreaty for help at a gas station and made one of those "help me! aaaaargh! [dying noises]" calls to 911.

    Resolution: All a ploy! He's fine! He meets with a Max Rager rep and trades the drive for the dough. Sure, his car gets blown up (if they wanted to kill him, why didn't they just poison that milkshake?) but that's what buses are for. Canada, here he comes!

    Spoiler: So many! Max Rager put a tracker on the money, Customs has his description, and this kid's too smart/sociopathic not to make a copy of the incriminating memo -- a copy he turns over to the police, and which Liv passes on to the Seattle Observer.

  • Mutual of PTV's Animal Kingdom
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    Don't It Make My White Rat Brown

    Hooray! Having recalibrated the ratio of tainted Utopium to Max Rager, Ravi has successfully cured Untitled White Rat #2's zombism. Better yet, she still seems to be alive, which is more than we can say for Hope.

    Less hoorayful, though: Ravi's plumb out of that special Utopium, so he's only been able to synthesize one, maybe two (if stretched) dose(s) that offer a possible cure.

    Despite all this, Liv is raring to shoot herself full of this experimental treatment. Ravi's the voice of reason, saying that it's too dangerous to try now, and that they need to make sure they can cure every zombie out there.

    In other words, don't be so selfish, Liv. (Ravi will not be the last person to say this to Liv today.)

  • That Quote
    "I eat brains. It's disgusting. I am disgusting."
    - Olivia Moore -
  • Meeting Time
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    Paging Doctor Creepy

    Who called the meeting? Vaughn Du Clark.

    What's it about? It's a job interview! Apparently, in between when he killed Kimber and showed up at Liv's, Sebastian came in to work to talk to Max Rager's in-house doctor about how he's all-ll-ll-ready dead. It was not a productive conversation.

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    Now Max Rager needs a new doctor guy, one who's cool with zombies and is open to edgy pharmaceutical experimentation. Ravi is the obvious choice here -- who wouldn't want to give up a poorly paying job as a civil servant for a lucrative position in the private sector? -- but Du Clark's talking to this bozo instead. THIS is why you should always post your job openings publicly.

    How'd it go? Really well! Du Clark gets to act all sleazy about Sebastian, and specifies that Sebastian contracted zombism when he licked Liv's blood -- which for some reason makes me feel better for Liv! It's, like, REALLY Sebastian's own fault he got the Z, it wasn't the result of a scratch after all.

    During the same meeting, Clive gets to intimate that Max Rager minions killed the Ass Hats (off-base, but still fun) over the memo, and the doctor gets a look at a real, live zombie (Liv).

  • That Quote
    "She's with Seattle PD, guess what she does? Medical examiner! I mean, who writes this stuff, right?"
    - Vaughn Du Clark -
  • Snapshot
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    Today's Lewk

    Blaine wears this amazing coat as he revisits Major in the freezer. He's saying something about how Nazi research means he knows exactly how to cold-torture Major without killing him but all I can think about is how awesome that parka would look on me. WANT IT SO BAD.

  • On The Menu
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    BALCO Is For Pussies

    All this time we thought Max Rager was the problem, but that's wasn't it: the company's new product, Super Max, is the real killer in the wings. Looking past the unfortunate name (who doesn't think "prison" when they hear "Super Max"?), Du Clark says that it's Super Max that infected some of the area's first zombies, and that the disorder spread from there.

    That's where creepy doctor comes in: his job will be to isolate the zombie cause from the beverage, allowing it to be every consumer's "Amphetamine, steroid, and opioid," Du Clark says.

    Drink Super Max, and you won't need sleep ever again. Yay?

    PS By the time that product officially launches, Du Clark says he will have cleansed the world of zombies. Yay, part two?

  • Party!
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    Major, Why On Earth Are You Eating That?

    What's the occasion? Implementation of disgusting interrogation technique.

    What are the refreshments? Soup, which Major inexplicably eats though he knows he's been given food prepared in the same facility that processes human parts by cannibalistic zombies who wish him ill.

    Whose big public scene will everyone be talking about tomorrow? When Major realizes he'd just slurped up part of Tommy, one of his former charges, he attacks one of Blaine's underlings and ends up all fetal-positioned on the freezer floor.

    It's from that vantage point that Major retrieves Tommy's lighter (it's in his sock), and, oh, heeeeelloooo there...

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  • Plot Lightning Round
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    Liv's moping around the morgue, thinking about how crummy it is to be a zombie, when Ravi calls.

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    Major didn't come home last night. Ravi's worried. Oh, and BTW Ravi hasn't heard from Peyton either. Liv grows even more morose.

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    Liv texts Major to, I guess, send him further off the zombie trail, but of course Blaine's the one who sees it instead.

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    Right after she sends the text, she decides to shoot herself up with Ravi's z-cure. She just can't take it anymore, and is throwing caution to the winds. But right before she pricks her skin, she gets a call from Major.

    But of course, it's not Major, it's Blaine. Bring him the brains or Major loses his. Liv agrees.

    At the exchange point, a hooded man stumbles from Blaine's car. Is it Major? It's wearing his shirt, so must be! Because Liv has never watched TV, she gives Blaine the brains.

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    "That is the right stuff" (ha ha get it?) Blaine intones. At least he knows that you check your goods in a handoff like this!

    More than we can say for Liv. Because, who the fuck are you?

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  • Hell Yeah!
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    Major Payoff

    I admit it, I haven't always been kind to Major. But this sequence is so great that he gets a retroactive "irritating guy" pass from me. To the strains of After The Fire's cover of Falco's 1981 classic "Der Kommissar," Major kills pretty much everybody who worked at Meat Cute.

    Highlights include: Making a guy trip on frozen pee, "I'm just an artisanal butcher," and when we learn that he did buy that grenade after all. I've watched it three times and it hasn't gotten old. A+++ to all involved.

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  • Health
    From the desk of

    Doctor Olivia Moore

    Patients

    Major Lilywhite and Blaine DeBeers

    Diagnosis

    Lilywhite: Severe gut wound at the hands of DeBeers, intended to cause "a slow and agonizing death."

    DeBeers: Non-life-threatening gunshot wound to torso.

    Prescription

    DeBeers: Imperative that patient not die because he's one of the best things about the show because he's the only person who knows where every zombie in Seattle is -- and if he's not feeding them, it's red-eye apocalypse time. Therefore, single injection experimental zombie cure to right hamstring.

    Lilywhite: Given critical nature of patient's wounds, single zombie-infected scratch to be applied to neck.

  • Wrap It Up
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    Lt. Suzuki, who responded to the radio call re: noise coming from Meat Cute, surveys the deli's many scenes of carnage. "It was just some kids shooting off firecrackers," he tells dispatch.

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    Meanwhile, Liv makes soup. Major's cranky, and not just because he had soup for lunch: he can't believe that she lied to him, that she turned him into a zombie without his permission, and that she allowed him to believe that he was bonkers. Maybe I'm still high off the shootout, but I'm totally on Major's side here.

    And, hey, if you're a zombie too, now we can get back together, says Liv!

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    Not so much, says Major.

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    Back at Meat Cute, Suzuki's messing with the crime scene, discharging various firearms, and shooting his own leg. After writing something in blood on a wall, he lights the gas and starts flicking Tommy's lighter.

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    Liv's brother Evan arrives for his first day of Meat Cute work...

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    ...just as the lighter catches, and Meat Cute explodes. Evan is caught in the blast.

    Ravi, who is apparently a PRINT SUBSCRIBER (?1?!?), sees that the Seattle Observer has put its Max Rager Monster Memo story on the front page.

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    Guess who else improbably reads the print paper? Du Clark!

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    As you might have expected, Suzuki did not survive the self-inflected blast at Meat Cute. Though SPD patrol seems to think Suzuki surprised some bad guys and "went down swinging," the late Dupont's shoes get Clive thinking.

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    "Bring in Major Lilywhite," he says. "Run a gun residue test on him." Uh oh.

    Du Clark, whose meditative practice seems to have served him well, is overtaken by the media at Max Rager HQ. "Is this the end for Max Rager?" he's asked.

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    "No, trust me, we're just getting started."

    At some vet's office, Blaine's holding a gun on an animal doctor who's stitching up his wound, which doesn't seem to be healing! He's also orgasmically snarfing down a brainless burrito and growing dark roots. So The cure appears to be on.

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    Major, who's getting an adorable little blonde streak, wakes from his slumber to find Liv injecting him with the other half of the cure.

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    Oh, god, I forgot about Evan. He was critically injured in the explosion, and is in desperate need of blood, a rare type that only his sister can provide.

    But Liv, mindful of the life-or-death decisions she just made for Major, has only one response.

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    "No."

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