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Isn't About Time Liv Went Full iZombie On Someone?

If a murderous Klansman doesn't merit the full Z, what does?

Well, that didn't take long! Three episodes after our happy gang made a solemn pact to never keep any secrets from each other ever again, it's already been broken -- and by Major, consistently the most deceptive member of our core group.

Unless, wait, are we counting Blaine as a core group member? I guess if the "we" I'm talking about includes Peyton, the answer is "yes." But you know what? I am, surprisingly, fine with this! Allow me to explain:

Can one have satisfying sex with a dangerous person?

BEFORE YOU ASK: no, I was never a fan of the Buffy/Spike pairing that some people have likened to the potential Peyton and Blaine coupling. And here's why: Buffy's attraction to Spike was a self-destructive, self-loathing one, her way to send herself hurtling toward rock bottom. Peyton's attraction to Blaine isn't based in his bad boyness, since when she realized who "John Doe" really was, she reacted with disgust and horror.

The show underscores the fact that Peyton is into the good guy version of Blaine by having her say "I'm so attracted to this version of you." I think "this version" is really important, because it takes into account that the bad (real?) Blaine might be in there somewhere, but makes clear that the blank slate is the one she wants.

(A similar theme is currently being explored on Agents Of SHIELD, a show that was once one of those things that, at best, I had on while folding laundry or reading Vogue, but which has, in the second half of this season, gotten stunningly, darkly good. If you were just sort of meh on the show and dropped it, please do consider picking it up at around Episode 16 of this, its fourth season. You won't regret it.)

Of course, we still have the possibility that Blaine is faking the whole memory loss thing. And I alllllllmost thought that was what he was about to admit when he interrupted his initial makeout session with Peyton. Could that be why he suggested they wait?

Counterpoint: iZombie creator Rob Thomas has a track record of making over his most sociopathic characters into shining manly men of pure and glorious love. For example, there's Veronica Mars's Logan Echolls, who went from the dangerously butthurt psycho who smashed up Veronica's car to her lover and savior to (in the movie) a friggin' military hero. Honestly, a mass-murdering zombie who loses his memory is a far more believable heel to face turn than the one Logan underwent.

But even if Blaine's lying, that's not going to have an impact on his abilities in the sack. Peyton needs to get laid, you guys, and she can bang Blaine with a clear conscience because, as far as she knows, he's currently a good guy. So why not go for it?

Are Liv and Peyton the worst hostesses in Seattle?

Okay, fine, we're saddled with the contrivance that Blaine needs to be watched over in case the memory cure kills him, so he must stay with Liv and Peyton. Sure, Ravi and Major seems like a more reasonable choice, since they live in a gigantic Craftsman and Ravi's the only one, out of them all, who might be able to do something to keep Blaine from expiring. (Either Liv or Major could re-Z Blaine, if that's what's necessary to save him.) Obviously this is a writers' room setup to get Blaine and Peyton even closer together (see item #1, above). But how do we explain this tragic state of guest affairs?

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Seriously, Liv and Peyton. No undersheet on the couch, even though Blaine is there for multiple days? No decent duvet to cover him, just that flotaki-ass looking afghan? Are you kidding me? Blaine is sleeping with his bare legs on what looks like a burlap couch upon which I have watched you all eat chips and (I assume) routinely fart. He's under a blanket (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT) that barely reaches his sternum. Most people offered better accommodations than that to strangers who passed out drunk at their houses during college-era parties. You're adults; lend the man a bedspread. He may be a monster, but no one deserves this travesty of a couch-surf. I'd give this Airbnb one star if I could!

Does Natalie seem a little squirrely?

It bums me out that so soon after our pals made their truth pact Major is going rogue, but that disappointment was tempered by the fantastic use of "I, Don Quixote" as he powered up the stairs to her tower.

Sure, it's a teensy bit ham-handed (like, a thin slice of lunchmeat) to go this hard on the DQ tip so soon after Ravi sniped at Major that he's the famous windmill tilter, not a righteous knight. We could just write that off as Ravi being the whiny slug he's been all season...but then, the show sends this point home with this music cue. Clearly this is a hint that Major is (like Quixote) on a delusional quest, and things start to feel like more than a hint when Natalie acts so weird when he arrives at her apartment.

I'm trying to remember if I thought Brooke Lyons was a crappy actress when she last appeared on the show, but if she was bad, she wasn't bad enough for the impression to last in the near-year since I saw her last. So let's give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume that her "human again? That's wonderful, Major!" at the prospect of the cure sounds fake as hell on purpose.

If so, then what's Natalie's game? Was she playing Major all along, or did something arise after she was thawed? Are we about to meet a new big bad for the season?

Did Rhonda sound Italian or like Dracula?

Listeners of this website's Extra Hot Great podcast are likely familiar with the show's sometime-guest Dracula. I initially thought that it was he who was the voice of Georgina Galliano, the "Italian" sales lead who kept Pete on the phone as Jim, Vicki, and Rhonda spiked Cheryl's yogurt with a fatal dose of Utopium, because apparently there are no other drugs in Seattle anymore.

It's true, this whole mystery of the week is stupid and pointless, worth it only for the moment it's revealed that Cheryl was a massive gossip and Liv and Clive realize that that's why Liv's been such a chatty Cathy.

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It's a genuinely laugh aloud moment, well played by both actors. But other than that it's a big who cares that barely held my attention until we hear the audio from that phone call, where it sounds like Mrs. The Impaler wants to buy dental supplies so desperately she doesn't mind if Pete burns to death in a fire. How Pete didn't suspect this call was a prank three words in is beyond me, and that neither Clive nor Liv said "Does this accent sound way more Gary Oldman than Gina Gershon" disappoints me in their deductive skills. Which reminds me...

Why does Clive need Liv's help in his investigations?

As compared the the 3-5 visions Liv used to have over the course of an investigation into a victim's murder, these days she's been clocking in at around one. The rest of the time, she just seems to be palling around with Clive and asking the same reasonable questions you or I or anyone else who's ever watched a cop show on TV might.

I get why she's still on the Wally case -- since Clive's working on it in his spare time, he needs all the help he can get, and Liv's insights might be helpful. But you know whose might also be helpful? Ravi or Major's, both of whom seem to have plenty of time to play videogames and hook up with ex-bosses. If you have time to lean, boys, you have time to clean up the lunatic anti-zombie fringe.

If I were Clive, though, I might look over at Liv and think, "Hey, I'll bet I'd get just as much done on these main investigations if I partnered with an actual trained investigator instead of this mercurial woman who should probably be doing her taxpayer-funded job in the morgue instead of tagging along as I track down suspects." Make yourself useful and start getting more visions, Liv! And while you're at it....

Isn't it about time Liv went full zombie on someone?

Boy oh boy do I miss the days of scarlet-eyed Liv beating ass. Remember those glorious moments, when some humongous bully would loom over her and she'd basically tear his face off? When is the last time we got to see her do that?

Whenever it was, it was way too long ago. This occurred to me as I watched Liv interact with this motherfucker:

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This Most Likely To Own A MAGA Hat awardee has the temerity to say "Oh, white power, right on!" to Liv IN FRONT OF CLIVE, then to say all sorts of other thinly-coded Pepe bullshit. This guy has got to go, so iZombie writers, if you are reading this, here's one for free: to the strains of one of The Beautiful South's greatest hits, have Liv scoop out his noggin as he still lives, perhaps after she slaughters every other attendee at one of those "picnics" to which he refers. The cause is just, the time is right. Get (skull) cracking.

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