Screen: CBS

How I Killed Some Time In Rhyme

How Mother-y was the smothery and perverse episode of verse?

For weeks I've been dreading the news bits that were spreading. An all-rhyming Mother coming, oh what depths were they plumbing? So late in the game, would this gambit be lame? The wedding weekend's a snooze, watching calls for much booze. Could an episode of meter be a hit buzzer-beater?

Let's begin, on a bus, Marshall's story without fuss. To calm his wee son, he spits rhymes one by one. Pretty soon, all around join with couplets they have found. That's the frame around this group of three short tales through which we'll swoop. With nursery music and kiddie art, they're meant to tug at the heart. But as a passenger says, it's rough going, true 'tis. Good thing Marvin's so tiny, he'll forget tales so swiney.

In the first, Ted is asked on a date by a teacher. He's neurotic about her intent (Ted's worst feature). Is she gay or aloof, Ted demands solid proof. Turns out she's into Yankees, and has had hanky-panky with a player named Jeter who did more than just meet her. But alas, Ted discovers it was all a big trick; Barney Stinson, a-jerseyed, is in that cell pic.

In the next weird short story, Robin goes down in glory. A wedding cake whole she will eat as her goal after seeing an ex who's upgraded his specs. Robin feels like a slob, so the cake she does rob and proceeds to make chowing it down her new job. We know "eating your feelings" as caloric sad dealings. Let's hope Robin's attack won't turn out to come back when her own wedding cake's on the rack.

And then there's "Player King of New York," the one of the bunch that looks like the most work. After bedding a girl, Barney's life does unfurl when he sees he's gone east, the libidinous beast. He's not zoned for this action: it's a kind of infraction. A High Council of Players (Barneys in makeup layers) must discuss what he's done in broad accents most fun. It's like "Klumps" for the TV with characters most skeevy. Barney settles it with poison drinks, in case you like ridic high-jinks. Otherwise, you'll think it stinks.

Marshall's stories were of old, before the wedding weekend's told. I suppose it is distracting, and it didn't want for acting. But another week has passed with Ted's tale going nowhere fast.

So how Mother-y were the rhymes we found so twee? Did it rank well with the other How I Met Your Mothers?

Mother-Y Element Present?
Ted Still Pines For Robin...Or Does He? Pine for Robin? Not a chance. In it, Ted seeks other romance.
Robin And/Or Barney Shows Signs Of Cold Feet Before The Wedding The impending wedding hardly merits discussions. It's as if the writers fought and all suffered concussions.
Guest Star From A Past Season Pops Up (Ex-Boyfriend, Old Boss, Ranjit The Cab Driver) Robin's ex from the north, an old dope they call Simon, appears cleaned up and joins in with rhyming. It's a quick cameo, nary more than a peek, but it's nice nonetheless to catch sight of The Beek.
Baby Marvin Does Something Cute And/Or Disruptive) The whole episode is built on the kiddo. His naptime's demands? Yes, also, ditto. I also admit to a sweet, warm feeling when we learned Marvin's first memory, so appealing!
Gay Jokes About Barney’s Brother James Stinson (Wayne Brady)? No gay jokes to be found as James wasn't around.
Ted Moves A Tiny Step Closer To Meeting The Mother (Cristin Milioti) No Mother this week, not the one that Ted seeks.
Humor Involving Wacky Relatives Doing Wacky Relative Stuff At A Wedding You'd barely know a wedding was planned. For this episode, all family was canned.
Ted Is An Insufferable, Pretentious Prick About, Architecture, Wedding Etiquette, English Literature, Or Any Other Pedantic Bullshit Even on a week like this, one thing must be said. No matter the circumstance, a rhyming Ted is a pretentious Ted.
Public Transportation High Jinks The giant SUV is gone and Daphne in the rearview. Marshall's story is now upon a bus that appears to be our purview.
Flashback To Ted, Lily, And Marshall In College None of this, not this time, nothing here was on view. Maybe weeks from this date we'll see scenes at the U.
Pop Song Montage Or Episode Outro Aside from some nursery-rhyme chiming, it was mostly just rhyming. No montages or pop, nothing over the top.
Barney Says Something Inappropriately Dirty About A Hot Woman Because, Come On, Barney The High Council of Players traded ladies like cattle in a scene of broad strokes and a lot of bro prattle. They were all bits of Barney as characters varied. But only true Barney was the one getting married.
"Legend...ary!", "Wait For It...," Or Any Pun On The Word "Bro" Perhaps it was tough to squeeze these things in and keep rhymes flowing. The well-worn catchphrases never were showing
Retro Video, Instructional Tape, Book, Or Other Multimedia Project Starring Or Created By One Of The Main Characters (Robin Sparkles, Barney As A Fake Astronaut, Etc.) For a Klumps-like scene, Barney spinoff bros preen. It's a group of peer pervs: just what Barney deserves.
Slap Bet I'd kill for a slap delivered by Marshall. None were on this week's show, but to this I'm still partial.
Unanticipated Wedding Hookup No sex or mad macking. On this score, they're slacking.
6 / 16
Final Score
How I Met Your Mother
How I Miss The Old Mother
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