Photo: CBS

The Final Season Of How I Met Your Mother: PREDICTED

A full season that takes place over a weekend; a full episode that takes place over a slap. What other microcosmic “delights” await us in HIMYM’s crawl to the finish line?

The final moments of How I Met Your Mother’s eighth-season finale may qualify as the shortest period of redemption in TV history. After season upon season of fake-outs, false resolutions, and more water-treading than the last hour of Titanic, the show did the unthinkable and actually laid its titular card on the table. There she was! The Mother! Right there, played by an IMDb-able actress (Cristin “Sexy Baby” Milioti). Was this brief glimpse enough to make up for the interminable blue-balling that preceded it? Of course not, but it was a step in the right direction -- an olive branch from Messrs. Bays and Thomas to their legions of fans-turned-hatewatchers, a promise that the ship was back on course.

And then, only days later, we found out that it was all a ruse. The ship was not back on course, and the olive branch was just a sharp stick for the show's creators to jab into our eyes. Because, even though we’ve seen The Mother, Ted (Josh Radnor) will not be meeting her until the end of the series. Which means that the long-delayed, little-cared-about wedding of Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) will indeed occupy the entirety of Season 9. And if that wasn’t enough, we recently learned that one twenty-two-minute episode will take place over the course of one single slap.

Knowing all this, I can’t help speculating about the other real-time (and beyond) miracles HIMYM might have in store for us over the coming months.

  • Lily (Alyson Hannigan) is helping Robin into her gown when -- oh no! -- an important button pops off and gets lost in the carpeting. Will they find it before it’s time for We Are Men to start? (They will, but just barely!)
  • Just for old times' sake, Ted and Barney sneak off to play one last thrilling game of Laser Tag. (The closest Laser Tag arena is exactly twenty-two minutes away.)
  • Marshall (Jason Segel) sneaks into a closet to watch the closing minutes of a Vikings game on his phone. (No dialogue in this one, just Marshall’s hilarious facial contortions as he tries to keep quiet in spite of his excitement.)
  • Waiting for a beer at the reception, Ted gets pulled into a conversation with a down-and-out bartender (guest star Oliver Platt) who proceeds to deliver an epic monologue about the failure of his dry cleaning franchise.
  • Everyone’s favorite cabbie-turned-chauffeur, Ranjit (Marshall Manesh), arrives to whisk the happy couple off to their wedding night -- but he can’t figure out where to park! He spends the episode driving around in circles, listening to smooth jazz, and muttering to himself.
  • When their wedding DJ (guest star Patton Oswalt) has his laptop stolen, Robin and Barney have to choose a whole new dance playlist. (Special 2-part episode.)
  • Legen...wait 22 minutes for it....dary!


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