Screens: NBC

Hannibal's Best Looks In 'Dolce' Don't Always Make Sense, But They Sure Are Fabulous

Eve Batey collects the images you can't get out of your head.

Stuff happens on Hannibal this week, or at least it seems to! But, just as importantly, its status as glorious Euro-nightmare Pinterest board continues unabated even in the face of actual plot-type stuff. From Italy to Muskrat Farms, almost everyone was showing exquisite taste (ha ha get it?).

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Even Jack, who doesn't typically chart (on a civil servant's salary, how can he compete?) is turning it out this week. Usually clad only in cool tones, that scarlet v-neck is an unexpected note. However, given the red he just laid on Lecter, I can see why he might have gravitated to it today. Also, check out the windowpanes on his shirt and his jacket. Great pattern mixing AND what he just shoved Hannibal through. Pretty clever, Crawford.

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Attention, gentlemen: this momma just got thrown from a train, and yet he manages to put on a crisp buttondown and sportcoat. Meanwhile, you show up for dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant in a sweatshirt and flip-flops. Think about it.

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Also, though, think about unbuttoning some of those buttons, Will -- you look a little...restrained.

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Let's face it, when you pack your crazy serial killer boyfriend's shit and tell him "this is where I leave you," if you're not wearing this nipped-waist suit with a plunging neckline, you're Doing. It. Wrong.

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Speaking of doing it wrong: no matter how hard I try to channel Sarah D. Bunting, who manages to dig meaning out of Hannibal's tiniest gesture, I cannot make sense of this horrific mock turtleneck thing. Did Lecter eat the manager of a Chess King and steal his top? When the Hannibal promos said that this episode was going to be "crazy," even I wasn't prepared for him to wear something that my elderly German father-in-law might buy at a Frankfurt outlet mall.

"You may make a meal of me yet, Hannibal," Bedelia says, "but not today"...and they cut away before she adds, "because that sweater is the Eurotrash worst."

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Before I begin -- does anyone else think Joe Anderson's Mason Verger looks like a Greg Kinnear someone left on the radiator? Just me? Okay.

Anyway. At first I thought Verger was wearing a jacket with some crazy whip-stitched lapel, before I lightened the exposure and realized he was just in a fancy-pants bib. I'm glad the bib droops enough that we can still see his collar bar -- I had forgotten how much I loved collar bars in the '80s, and it's all I can do to keep from going on eBay right now to buy one. Unlike the mock neck, that is an '80s affectation that's ripe for revival.

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First Cordell gave us his recipes for Lecter, now I'm going to give you a recipe for Alana's look: Add a heaping scoop of Helmut Newton to Sean Young in Blade Runner. Shorten fingernails to suit the touchscreen era, and make sure the v-necked shirt beneath is the same color as Crawford's continents-away v/Bedelia's blood as she "takes [her] medicine." You're done! Go skulk around and be bitter in good health. Well, as good as you can muster given everything.

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I'm sorry to have caught you in such an unfortunate facial expression, Margo. But there aren't a lot of great facial expressions to make when your brother is aggressively arguing that the two of you should have a child together. That fantastic wrap dress helps ease the pain, though.

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Props to the show for making this reunion so understated. Props to Hannibal for not shamefacedly covering up his weird Will/Bedelia fanfic drawing when Will walked up.

Also, and I'm sure this is intentional -- because what on this show is not -- but I feel more heat and chemistry between these two than I did with Hannibal and Bedelia (though they kiss) or I will with Alana and Margo in their lesbian kaleidoscope moment. There's a charge in this scene that threatens to bring things to life, don't you think? Watch out, show! We might remember that we're dealing with flesh and blood, here.

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I was sort of zzz with this outfit when Chiyo showed up at Bedelia and Hannibal's place, but in the "daylight," with the gun, I'm all about that double-breasted big buttons thing, even though in reality I think being that being that buttoned up would be too restraining (there's that word again) to snipe comfortably. But she has a lot more experience in the area than I do, so I defer to her.

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This show is on regular, rabbit-ear-gettable TV you guys.

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When Hannibal and Will retire to the Matrix gun locker for dinner, I'm left breathless by the jacket/tie combination. Just as perplexing, however, is that if this is Will's dream/hallucination, then Will has it in him to imagine outfits like that. Will, if you can see it, you can be it. This is proof that you can step up your game. If you're going to be all "Hannibal and I are the same person!" then your wardrobe should reflect that.

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