John Fleenor / ABC

Grey's Anatomy Has Its Annual 'Oh Right, We're a Teaching Hospital' Episode

The doctors at Grey-Sloan Memorial take a moment to teach the interns. If by 'teach,' you mean [finger into hole motion].

Bailey? Karev? Take a break. After consecutive episodes that were all about y'all, you've earned a week off. In the meantime, the doctors at Grey-Sloan Memorial got to remind all of us at home that they work at a teaching hospital, and that a big part of their jobs are to instruct the next generation of soap doctors about things like bedside manner, slicing up a brain post-mortem, and tumbling into bed with your super-hot intern after a blackout night of tequila shots. (Lesson #1? Don't black out. This one's worth remembering.)

Previously.TV

Previously.TV

(I'm saying.)

This commitment to education is abetted by an influx of elderly patients dubbed a "Silver Flood," and since old people can't seem to stop themselves from dying all over the place, the interns get a much-needed lesson in breaking the bad news to patients' families. As you can imagine, the flood waters are choppy at first.

Meanwhile, Amelia is instructing Edwards on a tough new protocol for post-op brain surgery patients, wherein they are basically forced out of bed and pushed to get ambulatory as soon as possible, in order to boost the healing process. Edwards has a big ol' problem with this, since it presents as essentially torturing a weak, pained woman who can't speak except for how her eyes keep screaming. It turns out Edwards has a good reason for her bad reaction: at age five, she was in a brutally tough trial for sickle-cell treatment -- something she tells Amelia in Wilson's presence.

And that's where we're going to kick off this week's rankings, which are in order of how good the respective doctors are at being teachers (or, in some cases, students).

  1. Jo Wilson
    I can't believe I defended you last week, Wilson. What a dick. So Edwards tells Amelia her sickle-cell story, and rather than be like, "Hey, best friend I have at this hospital and thus in the entire world now that this show had steadily murdered/exiled all our classmates, I can't believe you never told me this traumatic story before. It really must have been painful for you to keep it so bottled up. Good for you, though," she decides to snit all over Edwards, accuse her of making the story up, and then RATS HER OUT TO AMELIA. No one likes the class tattletale, Wilson. Absolutely no one.
  2. Maggie Pierce
    Okay, for starters, points for getting De Luca into bed.

    John Fleenor / ABC

    John Fleenor / ABC

    We should all be so lucky. But that's about all the points Maggie's getting this week, because she's barely awake before she starts utterly dissolving about the ramifications of boning down with an intern. She rejects Amelia's sex-positive offer to partake of her jumbo box of condoms the next time she and De Luca decide to bang one out; she brushes off Meredith's assurances that hopping on the express intern to Intercourse, Pennsylvania is practically a tradition at GSM; and oh does she ever freak out on De Luca himself. It's that standard, embarrassing, middle-of-the-hospital harangue that we've seen almost every character deliver on this show when their emotions become too much to keep professionally bottled up. Girl, just hop up on his D and don't worry about it. (On the bright side, that's what she does at episode's end.)

  3. Intern Cross
    Still haven't learned his first name yet, and that's fine. His role on the show thus far appears to be the one who duffs it at every possible opportunity -- he's S1 George O'Malley, and that's fine. In this case, he's so mealy-mouthed in trying to explain to a man that his Viagra-denying father has died that Hunt has to step in and order an all-day bereavement seminar. Way to move the plot along, Cross. With your mid-'90s Ethan Embry-looking self.
  4. Arizona Robbins
    There are weeks, when the plot doesn't dictate that Arizona be conveniently abrasive or crazy, when Arizona absolutely seems like the only doctor in this entire hospital you'd choose to spend time with on purpose. (It's why she's the designated April-whisperer of the show.) This is one of those weeks. Yes, she's still having tiny freakout hurricanes about the prospect of meeting Callie's new girlfriend, but she's also being chill as hell sharing some Jell-O with old-guy Abe, and then being honestly moved to tears when Abe dies the most predictable quiet death in all of TV history, and then, when April is all "OMG this is just like my situation with Jackson" about it, Arizona just smiles and says, "Oh, honey, this is about me, not you." It's a lesson April needs to hear more often, and Arizona teaches it well.
  5. Intern De Luca
    On the record, he places this high because he's the intern who appears to best apply the lessons about breaking bad news to patients' families. Off the record, he places this high because [steam-whistle video] [howling wolf gif] [700 heart-eye emojis].
  6. Amelia Shepherd
    On the weeks when Amelia isn't written like a high-schooler, she's probably my favorite doctor. She's fearless, she's confident, and she's usually right. In this case, when it came to believing Wilson about Edwards's sickle-cell story being a lie, she's dead wrong. Webber was right: all the time she's spent working with Edwards should have let Amelia give her the benefit of the doubt. To Amelia's credit, she checks herself and then goes out of her way to make it right with Edwards. Maybe they can plan something awful to do to Wilson!
  7. Stephanie Edwards
    The more we see of her this season, the more I'm hoping they're prepping the audience for something big. I think Jerika Hinton can handle it, for one thing. And I think Edwards's combination of ambition and vulnerability -- as well as the fact that she's one of the few characters not currently being dragged down by a relationship -- makes her a character worth bringing to the front row.
  8. Owen Hunt
    Of course Hunt's a great teacher. He's Hunt! Wouldn't you do anything he told you to? Time to give him a real storyline, though.
  9. Meredith Grey
    Excellent Mer monologue (Mer-ologue?) to the interns about what an important role they're taking on when they have to break the news of a patient's death. She speaks from experience, and one of the best things this show is constantly doing with Meredith is letting her be an authority because of her experiences, which in turn colors all the soapy storylines this show puts its characters through. Yes, they're dramatic and sensational because it's #TGIT and they gotta make us watch, but this is a show that is constantly making sure its characters emerge from their storylines stronger and wiser. ...And then Meredith meets Callie's new girlfriend, and it's the woman who couldn't save Derek's life, and it's a HELL of a coincidence, but okay, let's see where this goes.
  10. Richard Webber
    Not only does he take a firm hand in helping Amelia and Edwards solve their issue, but he also takes the extra time to teach that cute, squeamish, as-yet-unnamed intern how to dissect a human brain, for the purposes of studying it and showing how it resembles cold-cut salami.

    Previously.TV

    Previously.TV

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Grey's Anatomy Presents: This Week's Terrible Covers of Current Pop Songs

The Whitest-Girl White-Girl Cover of "Ignition (Remix)" You Ever Cringed Your Way Through:

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