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That's Torn It On Girls

Lines are crossed and walls go up, both relationship-wise and literally.

Hannah's relationship with Fran continues to deteriorate, as he insists on trying to mark up papers written by students in Hannah's class. Which is hella inappropriate and way out of line, not least because it puts me on Hannah's side. But then she drags the poor student in question into her personal argument with Fran, which is also hella inappropriate and way out of line, so balance is restored. And Fran and Hannah don't seem to like each other very much right now -- which, to be honest, is probably as it should be.

Similarly, the honeymoon is literally over for Marnie and Desi, as his surprise remodeling of her apartment -- and the fallout thereof -- continues to build the case that he's not only flighty and impulsive, but emotionally unstable. As usual, Marnie objects and then enables, and regrets doing the wrong one of those things.

And Elijah is finally getting his own plot other than being The Gay Friend, as he goes on a date with alleged famous person Dill Harcourt. Dill may be a gentleman in the streets (kissing Elijah in the middle of Times Square shows how much a secret fling this isn't), but he's a control freak in the sheets. It remains to be seen whether that's going to be a dealbreaker for Elijah, because other than that, Dill seems like a pretty good deal for his apartment alone.

Finally, the season's big will they/won't they plot is resolved at last, if "resolved" is the word, because of course they were always going to. Yes, Adam and Jessa have sex, and it's as unpleasant as you would expect. Even for them.

So as long as all this scoring is going on, let's go ahead and check the stats to determine the Girls-iness of this episode.

Girls-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked The nudity is saved to the end and confined to four individuals for maximum impact. Adam and Jessa have sex, and Elijah and Dill have sex, and it seems ultimately unsatisfying for all four of them.
Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function
Hannah enters the episode from the bathroom, but we don't get to see what she was doing in there. Not that I'm complaining.
Shoshanna Flips Out
No location shooting in Japan in this week's budget, apparently.
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate Okay, grab a snack. Jessa's been trying to do the right thing, for once, by not having sex with Adam. Because Adam is Hannah's ex, and sleeping with your friend's ex is a no-no. So the superhuman feat of self-denial that is not screwing Adam causes Jessa to resent and punish Hannah for existing, basically, and Jessa refuses to tell her why, until Hannah decides she's sick of Jessa's shit and dumps her. Oh hey, look, that means Jessa can screw Adam now, because he's her ex-friend's ex! I can't help thinking that Hannah would have preferred Jessa to just sleep with Adam rather than Jessa being horrible to her and then sleeping with Adam.
What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing? Nothing really jumps out at me, other than her customary Bad Idea jeans.
Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One When Hannah asks whether she can be single and not be like Cher, Jessa informs her, "You're already like Cher." "I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment," says Hannah, who has lots of practice.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed She appears somewhat chastened when the cashier at the rice pudding place won't take her Amex card, which forces Jessa to cough up. At least, she is until Jessa's a lot nastier about it than she needs to be.
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't When Jessa warns that one day Hannah's going to realize she's wasted her life, Hannah actually gets points from me for her chirpy response: "You're too late; that already happened!"
Adam Needs A Safe Word
He's basically stalking Jessa, going as far as to follow her to the women-only AA meetings she's been attending to avoid him. He also calls her a pussy for not dating him. No wonder Jessa's fallen so hard for this charmer.
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence After Jessa reminds Adam for the fiftieth time that she isn't going to date a friend's ex, she clarifies, "I didn't say I liked her." Few people do. Worse, Adam tells Jessa that Hannah wouldn't hesitate if the situation were reversed. Wow, accusing someone of having less of a moral code than Jessa Johansson should not be done lightly. Even if he might technically be correct.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques The discussion of wasting time on websites seems somehow quaint for Girls, like watching too much TV or talking on the telephone too much. Desi's suggestion that Marnie picture herself in her new bedroom "browsing podcasts" seems more in step.
Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop She was doing fine storming out on Jessa with relative dignity when their rice pudding date went south. But coming back inside to drop a C-bomb on her might end up being counterproductive.
Shut Up, Ray Ray mopes about the competition across the street eating his lunch, but when Elijah gets bored and changes the subject to his lower-back hair, Ray is content to go along with the new topic and even provide emotional support regarding Elijah's imminent date with Dill. But then, it's not like Ray has anything else going on. That city council election from last season must have been a dream or something.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss Dill takes Elijah along for autographs and selfies with Times Square tourists before they make out on Broadway, and Jessa defeatedly presents herself at Adam's door, so the kisses that follow both situations are pretty much expected.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills It's not that Hannah can't correct the grammar in her students' writing assignments; it's just that she refuses to.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream Dragging a student across the building to interrupt Fran in the middle of a class is...really not worse than anything else she's done at this school. It's starting to look like getting fired is going to require her to actually chew out her boss. Again.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors Corey Stoll of Ant-Man and House Of Cards returns as Dill Harcourt -- who, disorientingly, seems to be rather more famous than Corey Stoll is.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation "Listen, Fran, proper English is a joke. In ten years we're all gonna be robots who speak Chinese."
9 / 18
Final Score
50%
Girls
50%
Transcribed magnetic poetry from Nicole Holofcener's refrigerator
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