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Is This The Girls' Last Stand?

It's as if they know they're approaching the final (shower) curtain.

In the penultimate episode, Hannah is once again presented with an opportunity for which she is hilariously unqualified. This time it's as a college professor at some unnamed university upstate. But this episode isn't about how she got the job offer, it's about whether she's going to take it. In the against column is Elijah, and vocally at that. In the pro column? Literally everything else. Her dad and stepdad tell her to go, Caroline tells her to go, the fracturing of her friendships is telling her to go, even New York itself seems to be telling her to go. But looking for even more advice, she ends up at Shoshanna's apartment, which also turns out to be the venue for Shosh's engagement party. Yes, she's engaged, and no, she didn't invite Hannah, and yes, things get a little Real Housewives Of Brooklyn. Which, if anything, should only make Hannah's decision to leave easier.

As for me, I'm done with all of them either way after next week, so I don't really have much of an opinion. So let's just get right to the penultimate checklist of Girls-y elements.

GIRLS-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked

Goodbye tours are apparently not clothing-optional.

Hannah Keeps Talking When Maybe She Should Stop

Traversing the bucolic upstate campus where she's interviewing for a job, she inserts herself into a conversation among a group of friends chatting on the quad and tells them to treasure their relationships. Like she and her friends didn't, I guess.

Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream

She doesn't screw the pooch at the interview, and is perfectly in bounds to ask for 24 hours to think over the offer. However, saying that she's "never been successful at a job" might not be something to share with a future employer.

Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills

She hasn't blown the teaching job, but then she hasn't accepted it yet either.

Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence

We follow Hannah from the first frame of the episode to the last, so there are no Hannah absences in which to bitch about her.

Hannah Takes A Backhanded Compliment As A Sincere One

Elijah sarcastically assures Hannah that some quality person would be happy to have sex with what she's "got going on" and then not murder her.

Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques

Hannah leaves Marnie a lot of voicemails instead of just texting her, which seems a little off-brand.

What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing

Her maternity shortalls ensemble is perfectly acceptable for an urban walkabout on a summer's day, but it doesn't really cut it for Shosh's fancy engagement party that she inadvertently walks in on.

Shoshanna Flips Out

Instead, she goes full ice-queen as she calls an end to the friendship between the four core Girls. Basically she asks the question we've all been wondering, which is how they stayed in each other's lives this long in the first place. She's not wrong, other than her implication that she's better than the rest of them.

Shut Up, Ray

Ray's absence from the episode is made especially conspicuous by virtue of the fact that he's not at Shosh's engagement party. I don't have the energy to comment on that other than that it seems entirely intentional.

Adam Needs A Safe Word

Adam isn't in this episode either. He's probably off ruining someone else's day with offhandedly utilitarian marriage proposals.

Scene In A Bathroom With Someone Performing An Actual Bathroom Function

Marnie does call a group meeting in Shosh's bathroom, which by this time counts as an "actual bathroom function" on this show but not so much in real life.

Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss

Nope.

Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors

In addition to past recurrings like Peter Scolari and Ethan Phillips, Hannah's likely future boss is played by Ann Dowd, whom it is statistically impossible for you to have not seen in something before. Oh, and Gaby Hoffman returns as Adam's sister Caroline after a long, unexplained absence. She claims to be cured, and she may well be, but not of being exhausting.

Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't

What I don't get is how, after Shoshanna has just cut them all dead, Hannah walks out of the bathroom and just stands there in the living room all rejected and underdressed instead of leaving immediately. But then she wouldn't have had that sweet scene with Jessa or the dorky dancing moments, I guess.

Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed

Realizing that she's crashed a fancy party doesn't embarrass her so much as piss her off that she wasn't invited in the first place. That'll learn her not to tell Shosh she was pregnant.

Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate

She appears to be on her best behavior for Shosh's party, not that that's so awesome. However, after Hannah's rant about her belated realization that some of the shit on the streets of New York came from humans, Jessa reveals that some of it in fact came from Jessa. Yeah, that checks out. The nice thing is that she and Hannah reach a kind of peace with each other by the end, and the reason that's nice is that Hannah is probably moving away and will never have to see her again.

Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation

Answering a cell phone call from the dean who just interviewed her, Hannah remarks on what an anomalous event this is "because who the hell wants to talk on the phone?" Of course she rapidly pivots when the dean says that she does, for hours every night. Shudder.

5 / 18
Final Score
28%
Girls
72%
A bizarro version of The 25th Hour

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