Screen: HBO

Into The Breech

It's a night for all the Girls to take a big step: Shosh, Marnie, Jessa, Hannah, and Jessa-Hannah.

Hannah's ex-future sister-in-law Caroline is about to give birth, six weeks early. And she's going the DIY route, because that makes sense. Hannah's stuck there with her, and her ex-druggie neighbor Laird, and her ex-boyfriend Adam, and her terrible friend Jessa while Caroline tries to push her child out of herself like a pioneer woman on the prairie. Of course what Caroline doesn't seem to realize is that a lot of pioneer women died that way. Fortunately this is New York City in the twenty-first century, so the group ends up physically schlepping Caroline to the hospital while she's in labor. Welcome to the world, Jessa-Hannah Bluebell Poem Schlesinger Sackler. You are so fucked.

It's not only Jessa-Hannah facing a scary transition, though. Shoshanna's job search finally culminates in an offer, but it requires her to move to Tokyo. Not ideal, especially when Scott asks her to stay and work for him while he finishes falling in love with her. But Ray's boss Hermie, of all people, tells Shosh to lean in, so she may soon be more lost in translation than ever.

As for Marnie, she's basking in the combined glow of her new engagement to and upcoming performance with Desi when the latter, seeking to make peace with Ray, discovers how impossible that is. Ray drops such a shrapnel-filled truth-bomb on Desi that he totally flakes on their showcase performance, leaving Marnie to go it alone. Good thing she learned how to play guitar at some point along the way.

And Jessa, in typical Jessa fashion, does one thing right and decides that qualifies her to become a therapist. I'd be terrified, but that seems like something that would require her to do things like be on time for class and do work and what not, so we should have another ten to twelve years before that happens.

But the biggest step might be made by Hannah, who opens the episode with a panic attack but closes it with shiny new boyfriend Fran -- after bravely rejecting Adam's plea to get back together. Could it be she's actually starting to grow up?

Well, let's not get crazy here. Let's just content ourselves with scoring how Girls-y this season finale really was.

GIRLS-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked For a while there, it looked like Gaby Hoffman was going to be starkers for the entire episode.
Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function
Does giving birth in the tub count? I am thinking no.
Shoshanna Flips Out
She holds it together when she's offered that job in Japan, even in a room dominated by two analog clocks showing the time both in New York and Tokyo. Are they ten or fourteen hours apart? Or two? I'm disoriented already.
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate Jessa's actually the one who realizes what needs to be done, and screams at the new parents until they finally pull themselves together. You know, just like a therapist.
What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing? For the first time possibly in history, Hannah's outfit is the least crazy thing in a room.
Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One Hannah's mom tells Hannah over the phone that she's got a future, unlike Hannah's mom. This occurs while Hannah's dad sits next to her mortified. But at least Hannah sees the downside of this interaction rather than just basking in the good news.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed What non-healthcare professional wouldn't be self-conscious in the presence of 1.99 naked humans in a bathtub?
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't Nah, she's right about where she needs to be.
Adam Needs A Safe Word
And if he did, it wouldn't be "umbilical," because he can't pronounce it.
Shirtless Adam
How many shirtless Sacklers do we need in one episode?
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence
The only one who might have an opportunity is Hannah's mom, who instead bitches about Hannah's dad in his presence.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques When Desi is unreachable before the performance, the mind of their label's president quickly goes to a list of famous dead rock stars. Which is totally inappropriate because Desi doesn't belong in their company at all.
Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop In fact, as the first guest on the scene, maybe she should have pushed a little harder to get Caroline out of the tub.
Shut Up, Ray Desi is the one who tries to make some kind of rapprochement with Ray, who filibusters about how ultimately unworthy Desi is. Which Desi kind of had coming, but still. Ray's merciless takedown probably had something to do with the reason Desi ghosted on Marnie, and he knows it, but he's not about to tell Marnie that.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss Fran puts a comforting hand on Hannah's back during her freak-out, but that's as close as it gets. And their kiss while walking in the snow six months later neither interrupts a conversation nor comes as much of a surprise. The real shocker is the existence of a Girls scene that wasn't shot in high summer.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills But we only see her outside the school and not inside it this week, which should tell us something.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream Although she has a panic attack and bails on her class, there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage. At least not professionally.
Hannah Talks About Her Writing Maybe it's not just Adam she's moved on from.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors Aidy Bryant appears as Shosh's potential new boss Abigail -- that could be her name or her brand, but judging by the décor of her office, it's likely both. Spike Jonze plays the president of Desi and Marnie's record label -- or maybe now it's just Marnie's label.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation "Isn't that how we always feel like, when a relationship ends? You're like, 'What was that, who was that,' and then you give it a few months and all the good memories come back and you can kind of live with it, I think."
6 / 20
Final Score
Ricki Lake's birth video

For Dick Week we rank:

Girls Characters From Most To Least Dick Received This Season (Likely)

  • Marnie
  • Elijah
  • Jessa
  • Mimi-Rose
  • Shoshanna
  • Tad
  • Hannah
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