Girls Travels Some Rough Road

Marnie's musical journey gets bumpy, Jessa takes a detour, Shosh's home stretch goes sour, and Hannah's congenital inability to keep it between the ditches gets upsettingly literal.

Abandonment issues, anyone? Adam stops by to check on his sister, and ends up being present when Laird learns that Caroline has flown the coop, leaving behind their infant daughter. When Laird takes off -- possibly to go look for Caroline (or possibly to stop being an ex-junkie) -- Adam ends up taking over parenting for the day, with worse-than-useless help from Jessa. Meanwhile, Marnie and Desi are back in the recording studio, and Desi's new girlfriend (!) is insisting that Marnie keep their partnership purely professional. Marnie takes to this about as well as you can imagine. And Shoshanna returns to the United States and considerably less than a hero's welcome.

But the biggest disaster is Hannah, who has just embarked on a summer-long road trip with Fran in a rented camper. Sounds nice, right? Except for the part about being on a road trip with either Fran or Hannah. Hannah abruptly arrives at the same conclusion and breaks up with Fran out in the sticks, refusing even to accept a ride back to the city from him. The only person with nothing better to do than come rescue her entitled ass is Ray, in his brand-new Ray's Coffee truck. This jaunty ride, adorned with a cartoon of Ray's mopey puss on the side, is actually a pretty great sight gag. And speaking of gagging...well, let's put that off for now and get to scoring how Girls-y this episode was instead.

Girls-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked We're going nudity-free this week.
Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function When Fran pursues Hannah through a roadside rest area, her escape route includes the men's room, where a urinal is in use. Alas, when Hannah has to pee later on, it's in a plastic jug.
Shoshanna Flips Out
Not once but twice, and the first time right away. Within minutes of her landing stateside, some guy on the airport people-mover with a poor sense of personal space has her ranting about the rudeness of American society and asking the terminal at large, "Why am I here?" Her next stop is Scott's favorite sushi place, where she runs into him, as she clearly planned to, and they proceed to have a contentious argument. Aww, it's just like when they first met!
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate She finally shows up to help Adam with the baby, having picked up whole milk instead of formula. And then she spends the rest of the day fretting about Hannah being mad at her and wondering why Adam isn't doting on her when he's got an abandoned baby and a missing, historically unstable, possibly suicidal sister to worry about. She's going to be such a great therapist.
What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing There's something to be said for road-tripping in your pajamas. But what about when you have to stop and get out of the camper (or, as Hannah calls it, the "housecar")? Well, that's what the cowboy boots are for. This should all be obvious to anybody who hasn't reached age five yet.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed I think she might have felt a little awkward about peeing in that jug, but only because she knew Marnie was listening on an open phone line.
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't Hitting a rest area in PJs and shitkickers? Trying to dump her boyfriend via text message from the ladies'? Leading him on a chase through the grounds? Reclining at the foot of a roadside sign as though she's the victim of a drive-by? Expecting one or more of her friends to drop what they're doing and trek to upstatest New York to retrieve her? Trying to repay Ray for doing so by insisting on providing road head? Ditching Ray at the wreck of his truck, an incident to which she contributes, and jumping into the car of the first stranger who passes by? Check, check, and however many more checks are appropriate without actually using up all the pixels that would take.
Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One Ray gives her a little feedback on the blowjob that he's submitting to with decreasing reluctance, but I'm not going to watch that scene again to transcribe it. Or for any other reason.
Adam Needs A Safe Word
Adam's actually the most reasonable person in sight, which gives you an idea of the general level of crisis for everyone else.
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence After getting dumped, Fran reveals that his brother had warned him about what an asshole Hannah is -- in a written letter. We don't actually see the letter, but I think this counts.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques Hannah makes a "safety call" to Marnie after realizing she's gotten into a car with a stranger who has a gun in the back seat. The girls in the old cautionary TV movies about hitchhiking never used to be able to do that.
Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop "I can't talk, I have a dick in my mouth." I never thought I would say this, but the opposite of that, please.
Shut Up, Ray One can't really blame Ray for unloading on Hannah after the accident. Or for insisting on having someone he trusts take care of his wrecked truck, even though it'll take longer. But when Hannah hops into Hector's car, he should have realized that using the word "forbid" would work as well as it ever does. Also, his threat to go Liam Neeson on Hector if he touches Hannah isn't all that convincing. And really, Ray, if you can't keep your eyes open while driving, pull the hell over. You could have gotten into a head-on that would have resulted in a head off.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss If you count the one Hannah plants on Ray's wiener: sure.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills Pretty much the only skill she displays is fellatio, and given her reference to lots of experience with guys not getting hard, she may not even be super-great at that.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream Well, she wastes the rental fee of one large vehicle and helps wreck another. That'll be good revenue for Ray's mechanic, though.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors Hannah's accidental chauffeur Hector is played by Guillermo Diaz, which is, like, shorthand for dangerous and possibly unstable. And Desi's hippie-dippy new girlfriend is Lisa Bonet, unnervingly suited to the Yoko role in Desi and Marnie's band.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation Sorry, she's got a dick in her mouth.
13 / 18
Final Score
A remake of the 1986 Rutger Hauer thriller The Hitcher, but with an even more antisocial passenger
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