Screens: HBO

Girls Season 3 Brought New Job Prospects, But Every Day Was Casual Friday

Reviewing the looks of Season 3, as Hannah transformed from ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ to ‘Occasionally Sane Cat Lady.’

Season 3 of Girls has just wrapped, and the wardrobe therein was yet another grab bag of the grotesque. Watching Hannah flounce around in a season's worth of outlandish outfits, I felt like every eyebrow-cocking, arm-crossing, disapproving mother who ever lived. (Sorry, Mom! I finally get it! I really should've invested in a few key staples. I see that now!)

Screens: HBO

Hannah kicks off the season wearing the sartorial equivalent of Fixodent, sticking together two things that don't naturally belong. (Also, the textiles are only suitable for denture-wearing geriatrics.) Guest star Amy Schumer delivers a slew of amazing lines in this scene, the most pertinent for these purposes being, "Did you leave in a rush?"

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This face about sums up my reaction. Here we have an extremely cropped top, which Hannah pairs with sweatpants featuring a painted handprint on each butt cheek. The only person who can truly rock plastic reptiles is Helen Hunt's character in Girls Just Want To Have Fun, and Hannah is no Lynne Stone.

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It's a pity to have to validate the existence of "normcore" by invoking its name here. But what choice am I left with? How else to describe this dreckitude? She is hitting up the curbside cardboard boxes left over after stoop sales and she is rubbing our faces in it.

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In the preceding scene, Hannah is unceremoniously ejected from Adam's Broadway play rehearsal. He all but pretended not to know her and, after glimpsing this, can you blame him?

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Hannah has just vomited. Perhaps she caught a full-length glimpse of this fruit-flecked shapeless sack and her gag reflex did the only logical thing it could do.

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This is not an outfit; it's an insurance policy. This is what you wear when you're hopping a beach town-bound bus and want to make sure strangers steer clear of your aisle, thus allowing you to spread out and get comfy. It would surely pay off.

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What do you pack to return to your hometown to see your dying grandmother? Why, a Size Extra-Smedium cherry-print dress with both a giant bow and a cut-out on the back, of course. Nothing but the Juniors department's finest to usher Nana off this mortal coil.

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These shorts are from Target. I know because I own a pair. They were located in the sleepwear department. I wouldn't even wear them to wheel the garbage cans out to the curb. Hannah, on the other hand, has seen fit to traverse a borough in them. All she's missing is a dunce cap and a stool in the corner.

But the season wasn't a total shitshow. We did get some relief from Hannah's typical dumpster diver sensibilities. She finally got a "job-job" and occasionally found herself dressing halfway sane.

...And I do mean "halfway." Regardless of how cute she looks from the waist up, a frumpy, dumpy skirt with an inappropriate hemline is her signature. Knowing that, I'm grading on a curve.

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Interview chic from the conference table up. What lies beneath? It's best if we all just gloss over that.

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This is exactly what a young writer should wear to interview a Broadway legend. So long as there's no reason to stand...because that's when you enter "Oh, honey, no" territory.

There are two standout instances when Hannah actually looks like a real-life person, not a jacked-up caricature of a Brooklynite. Behold The Best of The House Of Horvath:

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For Hannah's twenty-fifth birthday party, she actually works it out from head to toe. All four girls do, in fact. Hannah's dress, hair, and makeup are so on-point, I scarcely even minded the lame UO clearance rack "Birthday Bitch" trucker cap she later dons.

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Here, Hannah's fresh out of Intermix, where she has one of those "See it, want it, buy it" window-shopping sprees that I can only dream about. What a difference a day job makes.

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We've made it to the season finale, and she finishes pretty strong, at least by Hannah standards. She subjects us to only a few scenes of horrendous mustard granny pants before changing into this, her version of theater attire. Accessories and all, the look reads like the best-dressed mannequin in a Buffalo Exchange window (a far more realistic shopping spree locale for a Hannah type than Intermix is). Makeup-wise, she's trying for an Olivia Wilde smoky eye and ends up with more of a Peggy Moffitt abstraction, but I'll give her points for effort. This is Hannah's stab at "Big Girl Clothes," and though it doesn't altogether fit, it's fitting for the big girl decision she ultimately makes re: grad school.

Now, on to the other girls.

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Jessa gets a big downgrade this season. She used to be the kind of boho tumbleweed that street style bloggers stalk. But now, she's little more than a sad sack post-rehab cautionary tale. This is as good a look as she gets. I wish I could say this is a preposterous get-up for a baby boutique employee, but I've seen similar IRL.

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Shoshanna is still a trend-aping wannabe, but she has several keeping-it-real moments this go 'round. She pads around town in Uggs slippers and pilled hoodies, reminding us that, hey, she is still a student, after all. But this look right here offers a glimpse of the pulled-together Manhattanite she promises to be. (Also, I desperately want that trench, please and thank you.)

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Marnie's commitment to looking like a catalog model is so boring that it's not even worth pointing out her best looks. It's her missteps that I relish. And she's never so wrong as when she takes a stab at hipsterdom. This is the kind of desperate poseur look that spawns mean-spirited Tumblrs. If she wants a real DGAF look, she should ditch the cashmere beanie and raid Hannah's closet instead. Come to think of it, "Hannah-by-way-of-Marnie" could potentially make for some dope-ass Instagram shots. (Or has recurring guest star Jenna Lyons already birthed that look?)

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