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Girls Gives Someone The Boot

Now it's Hannah who's supporting her father, which would be a reversal if she weren't so terrible at it.

Fran has to move in with Hannah and Elijah because his roommate has a meltdown, but the real crisis in Hannah's life is her dad's. It turns out he's flown all the way to New York for a booty call with some guy he met on the internet, because there are no gay men back in the Midwest. You might imagine that Tad is a little rusty at the whole dating thing, but there are seriously coma patients who could have pulled it off better. It falls to Hannah to hold his hand throughout his interminable, meandering walk of shame, and to deliver the news that her mom wants a divorce. Given some of Hannah's moves in the past, you'd think she'd be a little less judgy. If you didn't know Hannah, that is.

Other than that, the title of the series barely merits the plural this week. Shoshanna and Marnie are nowhere to be seen, and Jessa's big accomplishment is to journey out to Coney Island to try to collect thirty dollars from a carny, which seems both sketchy/random (even for Jessa) and not worth the trouble. If Adam weren't tagging along to make it into an allegedly non-date date montage, there wouldn't be any point at all, plus I'm pretty sure he spent more than that on carnival games anyway.

Speaking of totals, let's have a look at this week's rundown of standard Girls bits. (No, not Hannah's.)

Girls-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked Rousted out of bed in the middle of the night, Hannah appears before Fran's unstable roommate Jacob in a short t-shirt and nothing else. When Jacob objects to the display down south, Hannah "obligingly" pulls down the shirt to reveal approximately 1.4 tits instead. Later, Adam has to watch his sister Caroline breastfeed. So there's nudity, but nobody seems to be enjoying it.
Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function
Caroline announces a forty-minute BM on her way into the john, but mercifully, the camera doesn't follow her in there.
Shoshanna Flips Out
Who?
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate Jessa isn't about to do something as rotten as date Hannah's ex, because there are standards of human behavior. How to square that with the fact that it's her fault Adam is Hannah's ex? "I'm done being shitty," Jessa says. "Shitty is old news." And there's no reason to be a decent human being unless you can find a way to make it sound cool, right? Does Jessa deserve some credit for trying to rebuff Adam's advances? Actually, let's ask another question: does Jessa deserve some credit for refusing to touch Adam and then joining him for a parallel-wank sesh instead? Because I don't think Hannah's going to give her any when she finds out about this.
What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing? The main problem with Hannah's aforementioned sleepwear is not what it fails to cover, but its retro-goofy "It's Been Monday All Week" graphic. Cover that, please.
Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One A dressing-down from Hannah's principal goes off the rails when he tells her he likes her. At which point she returns the compliment and jets before he can get to the "but." He maybe likes her a little less after that.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed It's a little awkward when she has to collect her dad's wallet from his hookup, but she manages to get through it. The middle-aged boot dealer's cute dog and an offer of discounted footwear doesn't hurt, nor does the fact that he clearly likes Hannah's dad.
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't? It takes a certain confidence to teach Goodbye Columbus to eighth-graders. But to defend that decision, on the grounds that eighth-graders should know what to expect when they sleep with young Jewish men, takes what Roth himself might have called chutzpah.
Adam Needs A Safe Word
When Jessa tries to escape their AA meeting without any contact from him, he all but tackles her at the door. She actually has to tell him not to do that, saying she thought he was a serial killer. Hey, it's still early in the season.
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence Elijah blows off work at Ray's to go help Hannah with a "gay emergency with her gay dad," but that's as close as it comes. Even Jessa doesn't really complain about Hannah's existence imposing on her the terrible hardship of no sex with Adam.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques Tad's painful story of how this all started when he stumbled upon "Gay Dot Com" lights the fuse for the explosion of naïveté he'll be displaying for the rest of the episode. Speaking of naïve, is it a breach of etiquette for an anonymous hookup to get his partner's name from the wallet he accidentally left behind and then send him a friend request on Facebook? Because that also happens.
Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop Most people would be abashed if they were caught whispering the word "crazy" near a mentally ill person who was in the midst of an episode. Hannah just says it louder so he can hear.
Shut Up, Ray Poor Ray and his quixotic battles to arrest the decline of society. In this case, the hip new coffee shop across the street sells its coffee without lids and then sends its customers over to steal Ray's lids. His decision to complain to them about this is obviously doomed from the beginning. But when he rashly uses the word "sir" to address a gender-fluid rival barista (or baristo, as the case may be), the day is lost. Looks like it's time to just order different-sized cups with different-sized lids, Ray.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss Sort of, if you count the moment where Fran has to watch Hannah take leave of a boxer brief-clad Elijah with a deep, shameless face-mashing.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills Yeah, she's teaching Philip Roth to eighth-graders. And she's not even good at it.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream I've been predicting her termination for a while now, but if it hasn't happened yet, it might not happen for a couple more weeks.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors Some familiar faces return; along with Hannah's parents and Adam's sister and brother-in-law, there's Corey Stoll as some sort of news personality who buys Elijah a drink at the bar where Elijah is dodging Hannah. Ethan Phillips plays Tad's online hookup, which makes me picture an alternate Girls universe in which Tom Hanks dates Rene Auberjonois.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation "I'm starting to feel like I can't really trust any of you people. And by 'you people,' I don't mean homosexuals, I mean white men over fifty."
13 / 18
Final Score
72%
Girls
28%
The storyline about that couple on Misfits who couldn't touch each other.
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