Screen: HBO

Exes And Oh Noes

Time for Hannah to show the world how much she's moved on from Adam -- who in turn gets Slapped with some disturbing information.

Some-freaking-how, Hannah already has a job as a substitute teacher. That's even more unlikely than a fellow educator asking her out within seconds of meeting her, which also happens. They spend much of their date discussing their spectacularly unqualified coworkers, as if to explain how Hannah got this gig. And from there it goes downhill.

Because, see, Hannah drags Fran (his name is Fran) to an art show put on by none other than Adam's new love, Mimi-Rose Howard. From there, things go from awkward to disastrous, to the point where it's just dumb luck that there isn't a literal fatality. And then it gets weird.

But is it so weird that it isn't recognizable as a Girls episode? As if. On to the rundown!

Girls-y Element Present?
Someone Gets Naked Not literally, but there are some displays of naked emotion that are almost as discomfiting.
Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function Not literally, but Jessa has crapped all over everything again. More on that below.
Shoshanna Flips Out I'm sure that, had she been present, she would have freaked about Hannah showing up at the event, but Marnie does that for her. Speaking of which, um, what are you doing there, Marn?
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate So get this: Jessa tells Adam that the reason she set him up with Mimi-Rose is so that Jessa could date M-R's now-ex-boyfriend, Ace. Is this the reason Jessa begged Adam to be her friend a few weeks ago? So she could blow up four people's relationships for her own sociopathic reasons? I hope she does end up with Ace, except I want him to be the character he plays Thursdays at 8 on NBC.

Gif: Previously.TV

Gif: Previously.TV

What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing? Everyone who attends the show is expected to wear a smock reading "ASK ME MY NAME," which Hannah not only does but continues doing long after her passive-aggressive point has been made. And as a bonus, Elijah hilariously shoots down last season's lizard-covered crop top as potential date-wear.
Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One Kind of the opposite: when Mimi-Rose confesses to Hannah, "I'm not a real writer like you," Hannah can't get away from her quickly enough.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed After misinterpreting a deli counter guy's request for her name, Hannah finally seems to get the silliness of all this and finally takes off the stupid smock.
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't If taking a date to disrupt your ex's girlfriend's art show isn't cause for embarrassment, than I don't even know how to finish this sentence.
Adam Needs A Safe Word Actually, he's tripping more than anyone from exposure to Hannah, Ace, Jessa, and Hannah again.
Shirtless Adam Which is surprising; he looks so uncomfortable in his skin that I can't imagine what a shirt must feel like to him during all this.
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence Nope, Hannah's everywhere. That's the point.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques Mimi-Rose's show is about how people disregard other people's names, and thus their stories, and thus their very humanity. And it doesn't seem to have a hashtag.
Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop Pretty much from the start.
Shut Up, Ray Wisely, he's off launching his political career and thus too busy to get caught up in this shizz.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss The closest we came was with Ace and Adam in the back of a cab. And that wasn't close.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills She runs her class so informally that she might as well be one of the students. Which makes her popular with them, but I bet parents and administration aren't going to be happy when they find out.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream Not yet, but see above; it won't be long before the fuse is lit.
Hannah Talks About Her Writing Hannah thinks she will have a boring life now that she's quit writing, which means that either she has some serious misconceptions about the writer's life, or a lot of us are doing it wrong.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors Maude Apatow appears as Hannah's favorite student, perhaps so that we can stop talking about nepotism in relation to Lena Dunham. Jake Lacy plays Hannah's date Fran, which comedy-wise is a big step down from dating Ellie Kemper on The Office. Also, Ace is played by Zachary Quinto. Which is weird, because in the season premiere Shosh warned Adam that he'd be competing with Quinto for roles. And now they're competing for Britta from Community.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation "I just wasn't talented enough and that is why I left Iowa."
9 / 20
Final Score
The Ira scene from When Harry Met Sally...
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