Craig Blankenhorn / HBO

Elijah Gets His Chance To Smash On Girls

And White Men Can't Jump: The Musical actually seems like a decent idea, at least compared with Marnie's increasingly pathetic situation.

It sure didn't take long for Elijah to get re-bitten by the acting bug, and that's good news for all of us because we get to see him go through multiple stages of auditioning for White Men Can't Jump: The Musical. (Anyone who doubts that this could be a real thing hasn't been paying attention to Broadway's output for at least ten years.) The bad news for Elijah, at least at first, is that Dill Harcourt -- the only person we've really seen break Elijah's heart -- has chosen this precise moment to barge back into his life. Besieged by bad press after attempting to buy a white baby on the black market, Dill needs a place to hunker down for a few days and he figures that Hannah and Elijah's pad is squalid enough to outwit the paparazzi hounds.

It's up to Hannah to entertain Dill while Elijah is singing and dancing, and Dill doesn't have to work too hard to knock down her wall of maternal secrecy -- nor does he have to spend much time convincing her that she needs to tell Paul-Louis about her plans. (Sure, she's already heard this opinion from people she's actually close to, but Hannah has always taken advice more readily from people outside her circle.)

Meanwhile, if you thought that sharing the stage with her drunkenly scatting mother was going to be the end of Marnie's downward spiral, then I have an eviction notice and a counterfeit Wild Bill Hickok necklace to show you. But enough about glass earrings and pawn-shop-based interventions; let's do the math on how Girls-y this episode is!

Girls-ish Element Present?
Hannah Keeps Talking When Maybe She Should Stop It almost seems like deciding to become a mother has made her more guarded, which is maybe the one good thing about that decision.
What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing She spends the entire episode in her pajamas, which is at worst a lateral move in her long-term sartorial arc.
Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't That being said, maybe a change into normal adult clothes is in order when someone outside your most intimate circle of family and friends comes into your apartment? Even if that person is a disgraced celebrity on the run from the paparazzi?
Adam Needs A Safe Word Adam has the week off, but perhaps he'll rekindle his one-time love affair with the stage and join Elijah in White Men Can't Jump. The show could use his intensity, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's actually good at basketball.
Shut Up, Ray Ray's on hiatus as well, and he better not be about to swoop in to save Marnie yet again.
Someone Gets Naked Also on hiatus this week: boobs and genitalia.
Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate She's with Adam, probably talking the ear off of some poor Tribeca Film Festival programmer.
Shoshanna Flips Out No Shosh this week, either. Are we mad that Elijah's show-stopping splits ate up all the screen time for the supporting characters? We are not.
Scene In A Bathroom With Someone Performing An Actual Bathroom Function Elijah begs for a chance to use the bathroom before his White Men Can't Jump audition, but it's just a ploy to buy time. In fact, the only organic entity occupying a bathroom this week is the pizza that Hannah and Dill order during their Look Who's Talking viewing party.
Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors This episode is lousy with them! You've got Riz Ahmed, Jasmine Cephas Jones, Corey Stoll, Marissa Jane Winokur (okay, I had to look her up, but she's a big deal!), and a special iPhone-sized appearance by Rita Wilson.
Hannah Takes A Backhanded Compliment As A Sincere One Elijah's too wrapped up in his own drama to throw any sass at her, Dill is too broken to be anything but honest, and Paul-Louis couldn't inject a remark with subtext if you gave him a turkey baster.
Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence Even a season or two ago, Marnie would have totally shit-talked Hannah's pregnancy as a means of making herself look better during the conversation with her mother. I guess she's grown up, at least in that one isolated respect.
Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills There's no indication that Hannah has burned any of her existing journalistic bridges since last week. And if she actually has the baby, she's not going to be hurting for material any time soon.
Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques Evie's casual dismissal of Marnie's plea for financial support is made all the more burn-tastic by the fact that it happens over FaceTime. Meanwhile, the White Men casting directors are too busy sharing puppy GIFs with each other to pay attention to the dozens of young men desperately dancing for their approval.
Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation "I just want to preface this by saying that this is a real no-pressure sitch" is maybe not the best way to begin a serious conversation about paternity, especially when said conversation is with someone as irritatingly chillaxed as Paul-Louis.
Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss There are no kisses to be had this week, surprising or otherwise; the details of Elijah and Dill's bedroom reunion are left to the imagination.
Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed Paul-Louis's totes-cazh response to Hannah's news isn't just devastating; it's also humiliating, taking (at least temporarily) all the wind out of her proud-single-mom sails. But, as we see in the episode's final moments, it's not enough to deter her.
Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream The fact that Dill tries to reassure Hannah that he doesn't want to buy her baby probably means that he would totally be up for buying her baby if she'd let him. And we know what kind of money homeboy has. Would it be ethically icky for Hannah to indulge him? Probably. Would literally everyone in that whole equation be better off as a result? Almost certainly.
6 / 18
Final Score
33%
Girls
67%
The all-singing, all-dancing Elijah Krantz spinoff we so richly deserve

TAGS:

lena dunham, andrew rannells, corey stoll, allison williams, rita wilson, riz ahmed, jasmine cephas jones, marissa jane winokur, adam driver, zosia mamet, jemima kirke, alex karpovsky

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