Bad News, Worse News
Hannah tries to pretend she's cool with new developments instead of just trying to pretend she's cool.
Hannah's holding onto her substitute teaching gig, amazingly enough, but she's also making dealing with her father's new status as a "proud gay man" her full-time job. This mainly consists of alternating between bitching about it, pretending she's cool with it, and yelling at her favorite student for not being a supportive enough friend about it. So, you know the usual drill, while everyone around her tells her to grow up. Which is also the usual drill.
Meanwhile, it's election night, and Ray learns that he's the new borough community whatever just after he learns that Marnie is engaged. He takes it pretty well, or pretends to. Also, Ace drags his new girlfriend Jessa over to Mimi-Rose's place to make his ex-girlfriend jealous, which works, sort of. Mimi-Rose pulls a Kelly Taylor and casts her ballot for herself, but the damage to Jessa's relationship, not to mention Adam's, is done. And good riddance, too. We could update the tally of lives Jessa has ruined, but instead let's just go straight to scoring just how Girls-y this episode is.
|Someone Gets Naked||Jessa and Ace open the show with some enthusiastic copulating, but not so enthusiastic that they can’t take time mid-bone to shit on Shoshanna's home design aesthetic.|
|Scene In A Bathroom In Which Someone Is Performing An Actual Bathroom Function||Nope.|
|Shoshanna Flips Out||Actually, she displays full-on crisis management skills at Ray's victory party, including touching up the frosting on his cake-portrait to make him look less like Muammar Qaddafi. Her unemployment arc is obviously going to end with her working for Ray. I mean, we all know this, right?|
|Jessa Is Shockingly Late And/Or Inappropriate||Jessa finally makes a small payment on her crippling karmic debt when Ace humiliates her in front of Adam and Mimi-Rose. Which would be great, except then Jessa takes Adam by the hand and leads him out of there as if this weren't all her fault in the first place, and never even bothers to apologize. Ultimately she doesn't even put a dent in the interest.|
|What The Eff Is Hannah Wearing?||Her preppy schoolmarm sweater and shirt are almost normal enough to be distracting.|
|Hannah Takes a Backhanded Compliment As a Sincere One||Hannah's principal tells her she's really connecting with the kids, as a preface to telling her to not connect with them quite so much.|
|Hannah Is Consciously Embarrassed||She manages to look abashed when the principal catches her mid-tirade, but not enough to refrain from firing a verbal parting shot at Cleo's retreating back.|
|Hannah Probably Should Be Embarrassed But Isn't||Within seconds of arriving at Ray's victory party, she obliviously walks off after leaving her germy fingerprints on Ray's cake.|
|Adam Needs A Safe Word||But if he did, it would be "sponge."|
|Someone Bitches About Hannah In Her Absence||Between Tad's outness, Adam and Jessa's romantic disasters, Marnie's engagement, Ray's electoral win, and Marnie's engagement, everyone's got quite enough to worry about, thank you very much.|
|Commentary On Modern Communications Technology/Techniques||There's a "No Cell Phone Zone" sign in the hallway at the school. My school didn't have those signs for the same reason that there were no signs prohibiting jetpacks or neural splices.|
|Hannah Keeps Talking When She Should Maybe Stop||Hannah lets Cleo's lack of sympathy get to her. Not that that's a surprise, because Hannah lets everything get to her.|
|Shut Up, Ray||Ray's victory speech ends up focusing on how he'll always be there for Marnie. He's supposedly talking to his new constituents, but everyone knows better. Especially Marnie. The guy Ray beat out for the seat unwittingly proposes a new name for this category: "Whatever, dickhead."|
|Conversation Interrupted By A "Surprise" Kiss||I think Lena Dunham knows we're onto her with this one.|
|Hannah Has No Practical Job Skills||While Hannah isn't seen in the classroom, she is seen waylaying Cleo in the hallway and allowing the student to call her "Whore-vath."|
|Hannah Blows Up A Current Or Potential Revenue Stream||Amazingly, even yelling at a student for being a bad friend in front of the principal isn't enough to get Hannah fired from this school. All she gets is a lecture about boundaries, which I don't foresee causing much of a change in Hannah's behavior.|
|Hannah Talks About Her Writing||Hannah apparently still considers herself an ex-writer, which is almost a shame because it would be nice if she would shut up about her crisis and write about it instead.|
|Appearance Of One Or More Familiar Guest Actors||It's pretty much the season's whole guest cast.|
|Hannah Is A Voice Of A Generation||"I'm faking everything."|
|10 / 20
Some version of Peter Pan in which Captain Hook is replaced by the phrase "full-on anal"