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I Am The Corn Cob From Fuller House S02.E05

Tales from a corn cob that takes an incredible journey.

Hello. I am but a humble corn cob. You may know me from picnics and pipes, but today I am a god. See, normally I am thrown in the garbage, left to rot in the sun on a garbage barge. But today I went on a magnificent journey inside the digestive tract of a dog. See, we humble corn cobs have accepted our fate as a cheap source of carbohydrates and the vehicle for juvenile diabetes. I get to break the pattern that has become commonplace for my kind and see what it's like to live in a dog's colon.



I was originally brought to this house as chicken feed for the new pets of a probably gay child. While I'd much rather be eaten by a human, a cob cannot choose its fate. Thankfully, my savior on four legs came and swallowed me, and then I was swirling around. It was the closest I have ever been to God. I could hear screaming on the outside of my new home: that I am poisonous to dogs, that I can kill them, that I must be removed. No! This was my Valhalla! I never wanted anyone to remove me!

Then I stopped moving. The walls of my home felt cold. Was my host dog lying on a table? In an operating room? No! I was prepared to bring the dog down with me! I didn't want to end up just rotting for the rest of my days.



I could hear the little lisping boy crying about being a bad doggie daddy for allowing his dog to swallow me. You may have been a bad doggie daddy, kid, but just know that you gave been a good corny daddy.

Then the walls were splitting open. I could see the light. They were coming for me, the two humans in scrubs, taking me away! The last thing I wanted was to be thrown in the trash.

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(Okay, so DJ and Matt remove the corn cob from the dog's stomach, and everything is fine. But this emergency surgery does more than scar Max for life. DJ and Matt finally kiss! DJ -- who has been struggling all season with the fact that both of her prospective boyfriends got girlfriends -- finally got the guy! And she chose the hot one! I'd love to watch him accidentally swallow corn cobs for an entire episode.



There is a super-creepy plot line involving Ramona auditioning for a respected dance instructor in the living room of her house. Why doesn't he have a studio, you ask? Good question, but it's probably just an excuse to get Bruno Tonioli to guest star. And he judges her while manspreading so wide that I called CPS on the show. Ramona gets the gig, but at what cost?)

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