Screens: MTV

Trials And Tribulations

The whole system's out of order in the Finding Carter season finale; Sarah D. Bunting ranked the repeat offenders.

I had just finished drawing my husband a flowchart during the commercial of who's related to whom by blood, marriage, or egg donation on Finding Carter when along comes Benjamin Wallace, biological son of Lori and David.

Sarah: "I'll bet you a dollar his middle name is 'Franklin.'"
Finding Carter forum faithful: "No bet."

Benji over here is a more-or-less grown-ass adult, somehow, though according to my arithmetic, he was conceived during Lori and David's affair, which took place when the twins were a year old, right? So he's at most 16? And this actor is at least 21?

And I'm bothering to fact-check the show...why, anymore, again? Because Benjamin Wallace's convenient appearance -- on more than one level, actually; hat tip to casting, because Ben Winchell looks very credibly like the issue of Milena Govich and Alexis Denisof -- is probably the least problematic aspect of the trial "story." Or of the episode, which spent a lot of time on characters I don't care about and gave a lot of heavy lifting to actors with underdeveloped grief muscles. I've resigned myself to watching for the actors who can elevate weird-at-best material, and for the fashion and decor, which is fortunate, because I'm not sure I can explain all the nopes in the A-plot without bumping up PTV's bandwidth allotment first.

At least we have until October to forget how ribonkulous the show is. In the meantime, your last first-to-worst ranking of the season:

  1. Well, finally. 2015-06-17-fc-max-mane

    Yes, I mean the hair, but I also approve the Maxlor makeouts that follow this screencap. About GOD-damn time. Show: leave that shit be now.

  2. Vanessa Morgan, sellin' the clothes
    Love the blouse; love Morgan showcasing its movement properties during a pacing rant; love seeing a design element installed by my esteemed colleague and bro Dave Bunting in our own domicile show up on TV. Bird isn't my favorite from a narrative standpoint, but visually I enjoy her.

    2015-06-17-fc-birdesign
  3. Milena Govich with the "YA BURNT" smirk
    2015-06-17-fc-govich-smirk
  4. ...Hee.
    I can't think the light glinting off the gilt in the book's title is a coincidence.

    2015-06-17-fc-fiasco

    (It's also really well written, unlike some other things.)

  5. Kathryn Prescott
    Her gradual breaking down on the stand, leading to a painful ugly-cry, is nice work.
  6. The casseroles discussion
    It's a little "what's the deal with airline peanuts," but Mason Dye's sincere bafflement when Damon's like, "Why not a salad, funeral culture?" is fun.
  7. Manicurial jurisprudence
    I had trouble snagging a screen that would do the attorney's mani justice, but it's a lovely dark lavender-blue.

    2015-06-17-fc-mani-at-law
  8. Neat, Bird's parents are back! We'll finally get some closure on that arc!
    jk, no one cares.
  9. Madison
    So your parents didn't kick you out for being gay? You just ran off -- and now you're ready to go home because Bird's parents don't want you and Max in the guest house anymo-- you know what, whatever. Girl bye.
  10. "Where are the Swiffers?!"
    God bless and keep you, Anna Jacoby-Heron, because I would call that a new low in Finding Carter product placement, but sadly it's neither.
  11. Gabe agonistes 2015-06-17-fc-henderpson

    I will assume, for my own sanity, that he's 18 and can't be compelled to live/move in with anyone, but it's clear the writers didn't think through how Gabe's life would work after Kyle's death...or that this is probably the cast member least able to rise to the challenge of "simmering anger and despair under a carapace of grief shock." I don't think that Henderson's incapable generally, but he needs direction he's not getting. In his defense, of course, the character as written is all over the damn place. For one example, Gabe's point that Elizabeth is suddenly caring now about their family is well taken, but is also out of character for a kid who was playing agony uncle to both Elizabeth AND his father a few episodes ago -- inappropriately, but if this is your landing, stick it, please. Oh, and apparently he's boning the (former) guidance counselor again. Because she got fired but the student she'd molested wasn't identified, so how did she even get fired again? And does that investigation just close because Kyle died? And: huh? And: where is Ofe? They don't even mention him. It's one thing for him to avoid the credits-cast gang because he's still bummed about Taylor, but he would show up for Gabe at a time like this. Not even a name-check?

  12. "If that's what you need."
    David, where Gabe stays is neither 1) up to you nor 2) a your-marriage point of order. If I may, I'd like to introduce you to another teenage boy. His name is Grant. He is your minor child. It may interest you to know that he already lives in your house and would have to share his room with Gabe, so perhaps a discussion with him -- about anything! doesn't matter! -- is in order before you unfold the camp bed for your wife's side piece's orphaned son. Also, shut up.
  13. "Oh my God. Lori's going on trial."
    I...don't know quite where to start, but from this non-attorney's point of view, The Trial Dun Dun DUNNNN has several serious credibility issues, starting (well...continuing) (sigh) with the fact that I believe kidnapping a minor and taking her across state lines is a federal matter, so Elizabeth's exposition about Virginia state law making a custodial parent's absconding with a kid a misdemeanor is irrelevant. But let's assume that it is a matter for state superior court -- wouldn't you have to have a hearing first to determine custody/parentage? After which you go to trial if it's deemed a felony? And any and all of that is separate from determining current custody of Carter, which is a matter for family court, no? And is also probably immaterial given that she's almost 18, so why do the Wilsons even care when they can just delay until her birthday?

    2015-06-17-fc-wut

    Well, exactly. And never mind Benjamin's questionable age timeline -- what's he even doing there? How does his testifying to his own existence help Lori's case when she didn't raise him? And can we talk about how many times both lawyers should have objected to the other's lines of questioning? Again, to expect documentary realism from Finding Carter is a fool's errand, and unfair to it, but the show can't very well expect us to invest in the outcomes of plots that make no sense to this distracting a degree.

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