Screens: MTV

The Fix Is In

Carter adjusts Lori's diagnosis. Crash adjusts his halo. Taylor adjusts Ofe's lips.

Friends, I've decided to just give up and enjoy Following Carter's rockheaded determination to put the "ass" back in "St. Crash of Assisi." First of all, I kind of have no other choice. Second of all, if I can go along for the ride on that foolishness, maybe I can find a way to accept the ridic decision-making of the senior Wilsons; the complete incompetence of federal investigators in the Carter-verse; and Maxlor's non-existence.

This week, a merchant-marine-looking ex of Lori's showed up to tell Carter to get Lori a "private" psych eval so she can go to the nuthouse instead of the hoosegow. Even in a Law & Order world where trials start like a week after an arrest is made, not a single bird in that flock is going to fly. The state didn't evaluate her? She didn't know what she did was wrong? She's not getting meds in prison? Is she even in prison, or just awaiting trial? What the spork?

And speaking of Birds...look, if FC wants to turn into, whatever, Justified: The New Class, I'm actually okay with that -- but it needs to do that, then, and not try to be a family drama when it can't write grown-ups (or, this week, the kids; Joshua Senter's dialogue is an abstract-pronouncement-fest). Splitting the difference with Bird's absentee parents leaving Bird alone to deal with a mortgage-fraud raid, to serve as the catalyst for a big party? When...they just let Bird have parties at the Sanctuary whenever she wants anyhow?

And what the flock is going on with everyone's low-flow hair?

To the table!

Finding Carter-y Element Present?
The ol' good cop/bad cop (except for the "good cop" part) The Feds "raid" the Birdhouse but miss the physical, burnable files in Bird's private hang bunker. Last year I'm paying taxes, I'll tell you what.
Please welcome the parents of the year! Bird's parents don't even come home after the raid (and she doesn't bother calling them directly, reaching out to their lawyers instead). David has Hillary over to "drop off assignments," like, it's called Dropbox, TA. Then, after Grant (sort of) misinterprets what's up with Kyle and Elizabeth, David decides to go for drink with Hillary. Also, nobody appears to give shit one that the girls are out at all hours at a party, or at Crash's, or that Lori is attending the psych evaluation (...Lord, I know) at the prison. Points to Elizabeth for telling Carter not to get sucked into Lori's shit, and to Grandma Elyse Keaton for trying to get Grant to talk to someone; only a couple points, though.
Max/Grant 2016 "I'm right here. I can hear you." - Grant.


"Us too." - the choir of angels that attends Max's hair.

It's Log! It's oakerrific all over the joint. Worst offender: Gabe, trying to make that gluten dad joke happen. Caleb Ruminer is also pretty birchy, but in his defense, he's getting the shit end of the speech stick (so to speak). Like this particular guy would talk to Carter about herself in the third person.
Clank! Again, myriad, but whoever thought a 2015 teenager would call a psychologist a "head-shrinker" needs to be whapped upside the head with a VHS tape of All In The Family.
Face-palm! Of course Max is crashing at Bird's, and of course Taylor is misinterpreting her attentions as the two of them getting together. Taylor is also acting like she doesn't know what the shopping list is for; did everyone else forget she was a gourmet cook in S1? She and Max met over crouton craftsmanship? ...Why do I bother. And the whole Lori subplot, I can't even.



Snif! Nope.
Getting real Taylor's grimly determined make-out sesh with Ofe would totally happen. Ofe's ultra-awkward call the next day would also totally happen. Poor kid.
Style-watch I can let Grant's terrible hair go, I guess; I think Zac Pullam's probably growing it out.


But why is Crash's hair...this?


If Ruminer doesn't have to sit around the makeup trailer with a little pink foam curler in the front before shooting, I will eat my hat on YouTube. What is he, in the community theater production of Guys & Dolls? As a...doll? Why does this boy have a single marcel wave? Make it stop!

And finally, love Bird's knit game; hate hate hate Bird's nails.


I know it's the current fashion, but not everything needs to come back around, ROMPERS I AM TALKING TO Y'ALL.

Indie Director Of The Week Gavin Polone is back.
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