Frank Ockenfels / AMC

Here's Why Feed The Beast's Tooth Fairy Needs To Pay Pilar An Evening Visit

Lord knows Feed The Beast's ostensible protagonists are in no shape for romantic relationships. So why not assess a much stronger prospect for Pilar?

Love blooms in the most unlikely of locales, so why wouldn't the emergency room be where Cupid's Arrow struck Pilar and The Tooth Fairy? In this week's episode, the two meet cute in the waiting room -- he's there because of his daddy issues, she's there because her sister has a subdural hemotoma caused indirectly by Pilar's antics -- and while Pilar's weeping is too copious to allow any sparks to kindle, much less fly, there's potential. The Tooth Fairy listens to her sniffling confession that she's terrified of screwing up as a restaurant manager; says with forlorn softness, "I used to have a restaurant"; then makes a few calls to help her out with the pending health department inspection.

Please, let's hope he amps up the kind deeds and begins courting the widow Pilar. This relationship would be so great for so many reasons! Let me convince you with an extremely compelling list.

They have similar family backgrounds.

Okay, so Blanca probably pulls fewer teeth, but it's evident that both The Tooth Fairy and Pilar come from cultures that emphasize strong familial ties and indoctrinate everyone with the expectation that their identity is derived from how well they serve the clan. One of the biggest sources of conflict between partners is how to handle extended family. Pilar and the Tooth Fairy are unlikely to fight about family matters because they each get where the other one is coming from.

Pilar's got a lot of love to give, and the Tooth Fairy's clearly in need of some affection.

It's evident from the Tooth Fairy's interactions with his papa that he's desperate for love and approval, and it's evident from Pilar's interactions with...everyone, really, that she is the type of person who thrives on feeling loved and needed. Mutually compatible hang-ups are a strong foundation for any relationship.

This is a total win, plotwise.

Dion is already promising the Tooth Fairy that Thirio will do triple duty as the Bronx's first cuisine outpost, a money-laundering operation, and a money-making operation. With the Tooth Fairy's squeeze employed as the restaurant manager? Imagine the dramatic complications the next time Dion makes her job miserable.

I cannot stop cackling with delight over the ways Pilar's being Mrs. Tooth Fairy would terrify Dion.

Mostly because we've all seen what a misogynist prick Dion is -- this week's revenge-banging of a line chef who happens to be his nemesis's daughter would be a new low except, honestly, Dion's behavior has already descended to benthic depths that resist our feeble scales of measurement. And because Dion won't be able to be himself around Pilar, until the worst possible moment. And when he does, oh, there will be consequences. Who doesn't want to see Dion reap consequences?

Mostly, I want to see The Tooth Fairy be happy. I do! Although this show is ostensibly positioned to be about the redemptive powers of cuisine for damaged people like Tommy and TJ and Dion, four episodes in suggests the show is (consciously or subconciously) a more effective showcase for something else. John Doman's work as Aidan Moran lays down the idea that principled men often do unprincipled things, but strive ceaselessly for redemption; Michael Gladis picks up that idea and sprints with it.

His Tooth Fairy -- a.k.a. Patrick Woichik -- is someone who is trying to build a better future for himself and his family. He's trying to retain his humanity in circumstances he is, on one level, powerless to alter. On some level, it seems Patrick indulges Dion because he respects the ability to create things instead of destroy them. (Even if the obverse is actually true: Dion is a force of destruction, while the Tooth Fairy's actually quite adept at the unglamorous work of maintaining things.) One has to be touched by a person's respect for creative generation.

And when the Tooth Fairy does terrible things -- like, say, making it clear to a doctor that he can reach out and threaten her minor child at any time, which is genuinely awful -- he doesn't display the toxic joy of sadism, but the weary irritation of someone who has mentally calculated how many yards of sewage he has to wade through before the job is finished.

So there you have it: my fervent wish that the season ends with a wedding hosted at Thirio and decorative banners reading "Patrick HEARTS Pilar." Just imagine it. Blanca doing the Electric Slide with all the dudes who spend all day driving around in a tricked-out van! The seething Dion will do in the background! The prospect of two battered, yet tender-hearted people trying to provide a refuge for their beloved's better selves! I can't think of anything more delicious.

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